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Q: A suggestion for the "Big Cat", a new section
On this site, many come after a hard day at work, full of stress and frustrations, and tend to vent some steam here. I do see a lot of it, and not enough humor to balance it out some.
A new section, maybe called "Latest Jokes" or "Smile Fountain" or whatever you like, where we can all post the last one we heard, could be a useful and very much visited section for those interested on venting off some steam and stress. Maybe a "tab" to see it could be placed next to "latest answers", "latest questions", "most polular" and "need answers".
And as an example of its contents, I offer you the last one I heard below:
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife, Mary, if she would go to the hardware store and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom vanity faucet set.
When the man finished with the other customer, Mary asked him, "How much is that vanity set?"
The young assistant manager replied, "That's a gold plated set and the price is $900.00."
"My goodness," Mary exclaimed, "that is very expensive. It's certainly out of my price bracket." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom he yelled, "Lady, do you wanna screw for the hinge?"
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the vanity set."
This is why you should never send a woman to the hardware store!
12 years 17 weeks ago in Arts & Entertainment - China
That's a good idea, but an open expat forum would work too.
Mr. Cat promised us one a while back but it has yet to materialize.
BTW...great joke!!
newly weds on holidays in the Carabian walking through the market place
come acrross a stall with a sign saying magic sandels
what are these magic sandels ask the woman
Well it be like dis said the stall owner
yu husband puts them on tis feet and he make love to you likes a mad man
the husband after much pushing by his wife tries them on.
A wild look comes over his face.
he grabs the Rasta and drops his pants.
then all you can hear is the Rasta yelling
YOU GOT DEM ON THE WRONG FEETS MAN YOU GOT DEM ON THE WRONG FEETS
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Why the long face?"
(My favorite joke of all time.)
Xpat.John:
Funny story about this joke. When I started my first company here I called all the staff together for a meeting. To break the ice, I told this joke and asked my translator to translate it for me. The conversation went something like this: Me: Tells joke.
Why are pirates such badasses?
---- They just RRRRRRRRRRR
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel hanging out of the fly of his pants.
The bartender asks, "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel hanging out of your fly?" and the pirate replies:
"Arrrrr, I have no idea but it's driving me nuts!"
Your wish is my command.
A small, free-for-all forum linked directly to this Q&A section will come up by the end of next week, or early the week after that.
Xpat.John:
You are da kitty! Now about exchanging points for beer....
HappyExPat:
Xie xie ni, I am sure we will use and enjoy it too. May your next outing one of these comming nights gets you a female cat to warm you in these cool nights. just do not "MEAWWwwwWWW..... too loud near my bedroom window !
Localla:
What do you mean free for all (incl. devil) ? your mean it's a hiding platform not for public?
adminanswer:
Writing this here - nice and inconspicuous.
Soooo, as you've noticed it's still not up. Our programmers are finishing it as we speak. Once they're done, there'll be some testing done for bugs and the like. It'll either be coming up at the end of this week, or at the end of this month.
*creeps away silently*
John walks into a library and yells loudly to the librarian
"Can I get 2 Heinekens please!!!!!!"
The librarian says:
"sir, this is a library"
John then whispers quietly:
"oh sorry...can I get 2 Heinekens please?
Here is another one from the Old Wild West !
The Wisdom of Experience
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.
He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's arse?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whisky makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"
Willie Nelson's ode celebrating his 75 birthdate........
"I have outlived my pecker."
The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my [CENSORED] appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the f***in' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!
2 Irishmen were on their home from the pub when on passing the Bus depot they decided to borrow a Bus.
after 1/2 an hour Mic yells to Paddy - Have you got it yet?
Paddy calls back - I cant find the 331
Mic repleys - you daft Bugger take the 443
we can walk from the round-about
My Chinese girlfriend came to me and said "Can I ask you a simple question? Just answer yes or no."
Thinking this was very unusual for a Chinese person, I agreed.
Her question: "Why do you make so many jokes about Chinese people?"
