It is NEVER acceptable for any male to hit his partner (wife, girlfriend, etc.). Any male who does that is not a man.

This kind of behavior is present in all cultures, Chinese, Western, etc. but it is never Never NEVER acceptable.

And no, just because they are western does NOT make it acceptable or right.  Yes, they will come and apologize and swear that they will never do it again, but they will. Then they will apologize again, buy you nice things and swear that they will never hit you again. But they WILL..

Please be more careful of whom you date. If he EVER strikes you, Chinese or Western, LEAVE him, delete his number from your phone and never EVER see him again.

Oh my god you and your friends are dating the worst men out there. It is not a matter of whether you and your friends are dating the same type of men, but how come you and your friend are dating the worst kind of men. In all the countries you listed it is never excusable to hit a woman and the men who do are considered the worst scum on the planet. The behavior you talked about is the exact behavior that they warn women about in America. Foreign men should never behave that way and if they do it is probable the reason they had to leave their country. Here is a warning list for women in ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPs

IGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings

Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior

Do you:

§  feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

§  avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

§  feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

§  believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

§  wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

§  feel emotionally numb or helpless? 

Does your partner:

§  humiliate or yell at you?

§  criticize you and put you down?

§  treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

§  ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

§  blame you for their own abusive behavior?

§  see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats

Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior

Does your partner:

§  have a bad and unpredictable temper?

§  hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? 

§  threaten to take your children away or harm them?

§  threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

§  force you to have sex?

§  destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:

§  act excessively jealous and possessive?

§  control where you go or what you do?

§  keep you from seeing your friends or family?

§  limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

§  constantly check up on you?

i hope you can find the right man out there for you because you deserve it.

What those above said is right, he is abusing you. You should leave your boyfriend now, before he hits you again. There is one piece of advice that my parents have told me over and over again: It is never ok for a man to hit you. If I ever had a relationship with a guy who hit me, I would leave him before he hit me twice, because I would not put up with that. There are so many other ways he could deal with his anger, taking it out on you is wrong. There are many better Western men out there, men who won't hit you, who will love you for who you are. Please be more careful in the future. You should know the signs of an abusive man, pay attention! If he's the type that gets angry for such silly things, don't wait for things to get bad before leaving him. I know that sometimes it can be hard to leave someone because you love him, but if he truly loved you, he wouldn't hit you.

Hang on, you have had several western boyfriends in the past few years? Why is that? He yells at you for not being pretty? Honestly, what kind of men are you dating?

Please understand me here. I agree with everyone that hitting is wrong. There is no time and place for it in a relationship. One slap and out the door.

May I ask, do you guys hit each other or is it a one-sided thing? As usual on this site, it seems to me that the full story is not being explained. You say he is not cheap as well. Why would you mention that? Is it an important characteristic in the men you seek?

Is mean to you for not wearing make-up ? Is that what you really meant to say ?

Sweet girl, you are/were dating an idiot. You best learn to refine your ability to select mates. Physically striking people is illegal and the matter should be handled by the authorities.

What they all said...

But - where are you finding these guys? And how long after meeting them do you start to sleep with them, and then call them a boyfriend? MOST men do not do this sort of thing! But, if you're finding them in bars, then it's more likely that they will like to drink... if they like to drink, it's more likely they'll be an alcoholic... if they're an alcoholic, it's more likely that they will put you into the abuse cycle... (all of these things are compared with they guy who doesn't go to bars!)

Personally, I've NEVER in all my years, heard of a guy hitting or yelling at a girl who doesn't wear make-up!

TBH, it sounds much more like a Chinese guy trait...

i am confused here. all western i dated, friend too, are really happy but they have some problems too like what i described.

i should be clearer. my bf, and the other 2 before, are really nice. he is lovely, bring gift, care a lot about me. sometime (not often!) he get mad at things, but he try to explain why. he never do it in public, because he say he care about face and dont want to embarass me. see? he try a lot.

it happen rarely that he really mad because i do something wrong. i admit it is a little my fault, because he warned me several time. but then he feel really sorry, i know he mean it. he buy me gift, apologize. i feel bad because i feel if i did good, he would not do wrong.

and no derek, i never try hit him. i think im lucky to have him, because he really is nice most of the time. he is very protective, he like the idea of living in china and he have a good job. when i say he is not cheap, it is because he want to buy me things, so i am pretty because i want to be the best i can for him. i think i am lucky.

i read the posts about the abusive thing, but i dont understand for sure. i mean, he really feel bad when he do bad things. i heard its normal behavior in west. im not trying to generalize, but again, all i have see so far is closely like what i described. me and friends. 

maybe a lot are the same, but do not talk about it? is it bad?

I'm  not sure of your story either. Judging from what I believe and I think all my friends, we do not hit women. It is not acceptable, and it is against the law. I have no personal experience but I believe our laws deal harsher for beating a woman than beating a man. If this is true, then I'm Ok with that.

My girl friend here is a makeup artist and I have never seen her wear any. I have never asked her to either. On my last trip she wore dresses every time I saw her, this trip I have not seen a dress, but its colder. She usually wears pants, some times blue jeans, always a nice top, Her hair is nice. I think she is beautiful, but this is not really all I find attractive. I find her so dam cute, her voice, her mannerisms and she's small and dainty.

So no, I doubt it's common for a western man to act like you describe. I have a lot of friends and none of them beat on women.

However I know you are wrong about the Chinese man beating his wife/woman. It is a common thing in China. I have seen enough black and blue faces on women in China and it doesn't take any imagination to know how they got that way. I recently heard a couple fight in my building, the running , the shouting, the yelling and the crying. That Chinese man was beating his wife.

The fact that you have to "try to do your best" is unsettling to me. Why do you feel this way? I sense an insecurity issue here.

First, he isn't being protective of you, he is trying to own you. Big difference. He is treating you like property, making you bend to his will. If he is hitting you because you don't hve make up on or you aren't wearing what he wants you to wear or doing what he is demanding you do.. that is on him. HIM hitting you is NEVER EVER NEVER your fault. No adult should be hitting any other person when they are supposed to be in a loving relationship.

Like everyone has said, you need to leave him. Move on. There will be other guys, and most will treat you with the respect you deserve. And if they don't, move on again. If you have to ask a question like this on a site like this, then you already know this is bad behavior on his part. 

if you do break up with him, avoid him at all costs. Abusers can escalate and get angrier and more violent, whether you stay with him or not. Just be careful.

I want to thank all for answers. i was hesitating posting on this forum, but im glad now!

From what i read, people seem to think my bf is horrible, so i try to give a bit more info

we are together for 6 month now. he is really nice, but sometime obsessive with small details. for example, on the table, he want the soy sauce to be right from him, hot sauce left. he get mad when i mix up. when he finish first serving, second one have to be a little bit less than first, but not too much. 

i think everyone have those little things they like.

usually he yell because he have told me more than several time when i make mistake. yes he hit me, i think 4 times in 6 month. 2 in the last 2 month. 3 time he was drinking, but not too much. as i said, never in public. he wanted to (he told me before) but he says he respect chinese customs not to make fus outside.

we have lot of friend in common, and usually he is very nice and lovely. he care a lot about me, and he want to save more money and he want to marry, but he tell me to wait a little so he can be more financially secure to be sure he can be a good husband.

you people think i have to leave him? even if i really love him?

maybe what he did was mistake, but who never make mistake? he is nice to apologize, and i know he feel really bad when it happen :(

thank you a lot everybody, i dont regret posting!

He's a control freak, I emphasize "FREAK". C'mon girl, you put up with this crap? If you want a change, and I guess you do (do you?) you must change this dynamic immediately. Yes, you may have to leave this situation behind. It seems like you have a real idiot on your hands here who treats you like dirt. If you love that well, enjoy but if you respect yourself, run, run for the hills!

Yelling, blaming you for stuff he has no business yelling at you for, is a form of battery/abuse. And tbh, you are making excuses for him, and almost apologizing for him. I work with battered women, children and men. You sound a lot like them before they sved their lives and got out of the abusive relationship. If you didn't think there was an issue with his behavior, why would you ask us about it? 

You say he has hit you 4 times in 6 months. For 4 months he hit you twice. Then in 2 months he hit you twice. He was testing the waters and building your trust. Now he is confident that you won't fight back, it's going to become more frequent and potentially more severe. Right now he's slapping you. He will probably start punching you, leaving bruises. And then he will yell at you if you don't cover those bruises up. Broken noses, cheek bones, and other bones, damaged kidneys. I know one woman who's husband kicked her so hard it damaged her spleen. I know abusers who have killed their victims. 

If you insist on staying with him, take some self defense classes. You will need to protect yourself. 

My dear, control and violence is not respect, no matter how much stuff he buys you. Stuff does not equal respect.

Let me be clear about some things, what he does is not tolerated in any of the western countries you spoke of. If he did any of those things he would spend the night in jail. But to be more precise, where I come from if a guy hits a women then a bunch of guys get together and throw him to the ground and stomp him unconscious. if you do not know what stomping is then let me tell you we slam and kick our feet into his body until he is unconscious and is having a hard time breathing.

Here is the cycle of abuse we she women this warn them about abusive relationships. From what you have told us you fit completely into the cycle. ] the cycle can take a week a month a year to complete. But if you are living with the cycle starting over and over again then you are in an abusive relationship. But I will be honest with you. The fact you are okay with his behave your show that it is accepted in china to some degree. So all that should matter to you is do you like being some charming foreigners little princess, that he buys gifts for all the time and you do not mind the abuse then stay with him. it does not matter what any of the people on this site think about what they would do if the whore abused. If you like it then you like it and that is your choice, though I think it is a bad one

You do not have a man for a boyfriend, you have an insecure little boy who wants everything his way. Is this really the sort of person you want to be with. He will never get any better. He has to control you rather than accept you on equal terms. As everyone else has said leave him now. I think you also need to look at why you are with this type of person, I will not call him a man because clearly he is not. Do you want someone to take all the decisions and be the boss. If you do I think you may have a hard time finding a suitable western boyfriend, simply because we are taught that men and women are equal. The ones like this person you are with who do want this level of control over their partners are in real need of psychiatric therapy. You need to be confident in yourself, believe that you are a person who deserves to be treated as a human being, not as a foil for his insecurities. Do you have friends with western boyfriends, what is their experience. You really need to be away from him and spend some time getting to know some foreign people as just friends rather than boyfriends. You will then get a better insight into how a true man should treat his lady. I wish you well, but I will repeat what has been said before, if you are still with him get out now.

this is a BS post. here is the mindset of a chinese person: if i have a bad experience with a foreigner , i assume all are that way and never deal with a foreigner again.

and with all the abuse your question is "whyu would they make it difficult to look pretty?"

that sounds like mis-direction to me. 

as someone who have counseled abused women you see to have more of an agenda to paint western men with a bad stroke, even though you keep going back to the well. i'm not PC so i do not eat BS

This is BS.

Unfortunately becasue it is quite easy for any white (western) face to get a job here, it means  that alot of total losers come here and can pass off as normal people becasue the chinese dont really know the difference between a normal western and a total scum one. Its always happend with emerging economies and alot of asian countries. Total peices of shit find tha they can be accepted here...

Be careful!

​hang them i never saw western men like tht in my community back at home and you are dating the worst people of you life leave them and shut them down if you cant make a stable relation with him and co​mplaining to others u r datng i thnk animals nt humans

I'll add this one to my previous comment - it's a link http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_caus...

From it:

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPYour Inner Thoughts and FeelingsYour Partner’s Belittling Behavior

Do you:

• feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
• avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
• feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
• believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
• feel emotionally numb or helpless? 

Does your partner:

• humiliate or yell at you?
• criticize you and put you down?
• treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
• ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
• blame you for their own abusive behavior?
• see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or ThreatsYour Partner’s Controlling Behavior

Does your partner:

• have a bad and unpredictable temper?
• hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? 
• threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
• force you to have sex?
• destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:

• act excessively jealous and possessive?
• control where you go or what you do?
• keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• constantly check up on you?

It Is Still Abuse If . . .

• The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
• The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
• The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
• There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

Source: Breaking the Silence: a Handbook for Victims of Violence in Nebraska

Are there still any doubts about this 'relationship'???

Oh, SHUT THE FUDGE UP. CHinese men beat their women in public like they're kicking around a stray dog. Idiot girls like you have never even dated a western man, in fact your Chinglish is so lousy it looks like it could be fake. God, people like you are idiots. Get a job. 

You have NO idea how unbelievable Taboo it is to hit a woman in our culture. I see it ALL THE TIME here. CHinese men are abusive as hell. 

this was your first post.

"I dont want entertain the stereotype, but i have question about western man relation with crying and yelling,

I had several western bf in past few years. American, Canadian and Dutch. I realized something odd in all them, my Chinese friend say most of their western bf are like, it's normal but i find it weird, because its so different from Chinese man."

this part is important you said it is different from chinese men. this is the set up. you also say this is the same with every single western man you know of. this is the main part of the set up. 

"I find western to have more standard (again, not generelizing) as they are strict, and not jealous because i make me pretty for him. they less cheap too, and shower gift more easily.'

your are building the foundation for what is to come because we all know chinese men dont buy their women gifts 

"Most of time, when I'm not pretty enough because I didnt have time to put makeup or dress as to be enough desirable for him, he yell at me a lot. It make me cry, because he say very mean things, but usually he apologize after, saying it for my own good. I can leave with that, because from my experience it have to do with western culture. all my friend have similar experience, so i guess its ok, and better than chinese bf boring."

really ??? funny how you put this on western culture. it is actually a huge part of chinese culture, face.. one of the purposes for the wife is to make herself look pretty in public so the man can gain face. and here is where you keep screwing up, you keep throwing out that all of your friends who date foreign men have the same exact experience. (who the hell is in your circle?) and you talk with all your friends about the intimate details of your relationship and they the same? how unchinese woman like. since doing this causes him to lose face.

"so i work hard to be pretty. but it happens, when we go out, that my bf drink a lot. sometimes i say things he dont like, but he understand that he cant yell at me in public, because you dont do that. but when we go home, he sometime get more violent. it happens few time he hit me. i had black eye once, and i cannot go out with black eye." 

very slick i give you credit here. what you are trying to do is legitimize this rubbish by creating an excuse as to why we see soo many chinese beating up their gf/wives but never a western man beating his wife. 

"i dont understand why western men hit their gf. on one side they want us pretty, but they make it difficult sometime. I liked my western bf bcuse they was manly, more manly than chinese, but after they punch me, the day after, they cry at me to apologize."

pay attention here people she is attributing this to the "several" western men she dated!!!!!!!!!!!

not every abuser follows the same damn playbook! 

"and why would they make it harder to be pretty? again, i dont want to generalize, but all my experiences was like that, and i have a lot of friends who lived same experience..."

she keeps saying i dont want to generalize but all my several bfs were exactly the same all my friends who happen to all date foreigners have the same exact experience

wake the puck up people!!!!! i know abuse is a very PC topic but really are you fooled this easily? this dude added posts becoz he was proud of his work he wants to see how far he can take it.

"My bf dont "beat" me. it happen a few time he lose control, because i made him very very mad. he likes i wear makeup, but not too much. and i like to be more pretty for him. i really do my best!"

wait wait wait did one bf beat you or did all "several" of them beat you?

"Maybe its me who is a bad gf... the 2 before left me because "they found somebody more caring"..."

several over the years! now equals 2 (possible translation issues ) but they both left you for the exact same reason. (you used up your creativity)

"But im not trying to say Chinese men are better! so far, i can say i was more happy with westerner, most of time. when its not going well, i try and understand what is wrong, and try to change for better. i really do try my  best!"

that is exactly what you are doing. you clearly stated that this is only common with western men not in chinese men

"because it do not happen often, like i said before. i give this example, but usually he yell because i did something wrong."

the story is changing. now it is one bf that beat her? 

"maybe he is too good for me and i do not deserve to be with him and should stick with Chinese bf? my family is not happy i am with him, but i really love him and dont want to lose him :("

dont patronize western men , this is a back handed complement .

"i should be clearer. my bf, and the other 2 before, are really nice. he is lovely, bring gift, care a lot about me. sometime (not often!) he get mad at things, but he try to explain why. he never do it in public, because he say he care about face and dont want to embarass me. see? he try a lot."

is anyone paying attention??? one post he says "usually" get angry and yell now it's "sometimes (not often)"

"i read the posts about the abusive thing, but i dont understand for sure. i mean, he really feel bad when he do bad things. i heard its normal behavior in west. im not trying to generalize, but again, all i have see so far is closely like what i described. me and friends. "

im not generalizing but i heard beating wives is the thing to do in the west but not in my china. 

"maybe a lot are the same, but do not talk about it? is it bad?" 

he's contradicting his own statement!!!!!!!!!! he and his supposed friends talk about it which is why he say all my friends have the same experience. oh wait i get it is an april fools joke and everyone is in on it but me and a few others!@!! great one

I gave up. The poster is either a troll, a glutton for punishment or by now has had the sense beaten out of her...