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Q: What are your experiences in dealing with Chinese women?
Met a girl about a few weeks ago, and asked her out after our frequent chatting! Our first date was simply fantastic and included a sumptuous lunch, followed by a movie.
She was nice, and so I thought!
When we met a day later, her behavior was totally different from when we met on our first date. She said that she does not do "foreigners" and started asking "if I had many girlfriends in the past". I was shocked by her line of questioning and told her that it was best that we went our own ways.
Just when I thought that it was the last that I will see of of her, she sends me a message, stating that she would want to see me in person, to apologize. I went along to see what she had to say.
When we met again, she apologized but then started dictating terms. She said that if we were to be together again, there will not be any sex, etc. She went on talking about marriage, and said that we should have an apartment of our own; cannot be a rental, or provided by an employer. Also, we should only have 2 babies.
i laughed and commented that it takes two to tango. Hence, I mentioned that it is now up to me, if I wanted her back again. Said goodbye to her and left.
To think that I have experienced so much in the 3 days was good enough to know what it is like out there.
Anyone else with their experiences to share?
10 years 44 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Ha ha ha ha Welcome to China!!
You get used to it after a while but you and every other Guy here will never understand the nature of that Beast 
It's pretty strange when you hear stuff like that right off the bat, eh?
Par for the course I'm afraid.
Still, there are the rare (very, very rare) ones that are not like that.
My advice, it's up to you if you follow it, is to steer WELL clear of the kind of girls you have just had an interesting encounter with. If you value your valuables.
I'm so glad you acted rationally! All these reports of people getting in retarded situations with Chinese girls after becoming emotionally entangled and/or blackmailed. Most of them should have seen the signs, but you actually did.
Chinese girls' actions are more often than not being dictated by their mothers*, who are like "Secure him now. Have babies. Get his money! Screeeeeech!!!" Unfortunately for Chinese girls, they're not very subtle. With a little restraint (which this girl clearly didn't have), they could get a lot further.
It's like fishing. When a fish bites you don't jump in and try to grab it, while shouting "DANGER DANGER".
Dating in China isn't very nuanced. Chinese guys are emotionally inept, clueless at relationships, and desperate (the latter isn't their fault). For which reason, the in-your-face materialism and manipulativeness exhibited by girls has never been put in its place.
*: A lot of Chinese girls are in fact just immature, temperamental, materialistic whores. Easy to spot because of cosmetically modified eyes.
rasklnik:
Or throw in pathological lack of self esteem for being female in a male dominated society.
Samsara:
Most Chinese girls have no idea what a woman should expect from a relationship. All they know is what their society and parents tell them, which is "Get a rich one. Because your parents want his money."
The tragedy of it is that their parents already live in an unfulfilling, loveless relationship, for the same reason. But because they are Chinese parents, they already know everything about everything, and no one in the world could possibly have figured out something better than the Chinese way.
So Chinese mothers force their daughters into the same shit situation, because, tradition. If you don't obey tradition, the old lady next door will gossip about you. And surely that's a more pressing concern than your daughter's happiness for the rest of her life.
I think you're right, Rasklnik. There aren't many good options for girls in this society.
Mr_spoon:
Perfect answer!
Also, just to be clear, I get in retarded situations not because I don't see the signs. Au contraire. I do see them (now - there still was a time where I was innocent). But my libido is overwhelming : (
On date 1 you met a girl unspoiled and natural. On the last date you met the same girl after she has mentioned to her mother (or some friend) she is dating a foreigner. Ideas such as only having two babies of course comes from some poor woman who had to go through the ordeal of being pregnant and thinks it was the most horrid thing ever. I don't know why Chinese women think it is the worst thing in the world having children. Back home I was surrounded by women that even after 2 or 3 children could not stop talking about how wonderful it is to be pregnant.
Hulk:
Some Chinese wives tell me that children are a burden, and that pregnancy is way too difficult on the woman... my wife loves being pregnant, but her family is tellig her to set limits on the amount of children we have, "so you don't suffer mercilessly."
Scandinavian:
the more I understand about China, the less I understand China.
I have learned some time ago that the best way to deal with Chinese girls to outline what you see as being unacceptable from the outset. Chinese girls are pretty open about what they expect from the relationship. It seems only right the male should also be open about what he expects. I often talk about the demands of a previous girlfriend I had in China. When the girl says "But these things are very normal in China" I know what to expect.
DaqingDevil:
"Normality" in China is to be steered clear of...............
in general my experience with women here is that they just want a stable life and a good guy. you do have wackos like the one you described. but in many ways it comes from the societal bs they are taught about foreigners and the family pressures. i find divorced women to be more sane or women over 27. they are less delusional. they married for the societal and family BS, were treated like shat and now they want true love.
my experience with gold diggers has been minimal. because i can spot them on the first date. but it is very simple, if you girl has worked in the sex industry (massage girl, mistress, bar girll, etc.) don't expect her to be a gf. their minds have been formatted to think in terms of client /merchandise (her P).
i strayed from my point (i'm drunk) stay away from girls without a job, or who are living off of sb (ffamily, friends, etc) these are parasites and will never change.
i might have to fix this up after i sober up.
。。。
Hulk:
(and yes, that is my experience with Chinese girls... other than my wife)
After she went out with you the first time, she received "advice" from her family or friends. That's probably the reason for the change in character. You did the right thing. But all of them are not like that.
My experiences with Chinese women have generally been good.
Take your time, and dont marry the first girl who helps you order water for your apartment and you will be fine.
Took me nearly six years to find mine, and I have not had any of the drama that I often read about on this site.
Try a few pay for views ones to get the hang of them.
Chinese girl good girl I tell you the story summarizing ....Which was a girl loves a man variable in shape or his words but it was my girl China to not want anything either love only with the knowledge that I was keen on money and more parents have been earning my money and my mother would say marriage a happy life is stable but she does not like to live in Egypt and began a sexual relationship in the other we'd love some and took everything from my mind and my heart and my feelings towards any other girl can not forget her, but she was thinking of herself more than anyone and knowing Anaha ran my hand, who booked her ticket, etc. and she will go to her parents and back again to Egypt or the world knowing I wanted to know why to get used to complement learned in one of the universities to teach Arabic and with communication many told me in the day that she wanted 10,000 and I was sure the money profile, but you have to send money to, because life help to any a person with the knowledge that I was very afraid, but sent the money my mind and not the heart, and I'm thinking if forbidden era relationship What will be the end Lose everything and knowing is the end of friendship through the QQ site Contact Social and Atrd on the phone and knowing I love her, but started hating severe is a betrayal of the era of the relationship and promises? Any Chinese girl doing supply only?
I met my wife .....4 months .... came here and we got married ...... 2 years apart and then I came here............ just could not be away from her any more..... she is such a wonderful person. ........ some of the basic Chinese stuff still comes up from time to time... like where is my new house ... or my new car..... I shrug it off..... I know what i am doing (yah right) ........ first ..I would never give her a car or a drivers license ... the house thing.. well, maybe someday ............. I am just not yet convinced that this is my final destination ... I might find another S/E Asia destination for my last pit stop... she will be with me.... if and or when I go.
Get used to these kinds of introductions. This is common. It is not crazy and she isn't weird.
In a way, its good and better than the strange games and pretenses of your culture. In fact, most dating experts in the West (for example hosting 'speed dating nights) now insist Westerners learn to establish marriage, long term plans (home ownership) and then how many (if any) children they want.
- If you think about it - yes, that SHOULD be done up front FIRST.
As mentioned here - she met you and then went to her family and friends for instructions on negotiations, her requirements etc. This is VERY IMPORTANT for you to take seriously because you will NOT be her 'confidant' now or ever. Chinese women work relationships by consulting Chinese women, family and in your case Chinese men will determine what she brings to you, expects from you and what responses you will get from her.
Again, if you are a foreigner you can triple and quadruple this and keep something in mind the idea is kinda sorta like this:
- For example she is told she should expect you to buy an apartment before marriage.
- You do it 2 years after marriage.
- You have 'deducted face' from her. Let's call this '2 points' of face you made her lose in front of her friends.
- She now must deduct '2 points of face' from you. So she will shame you in public or something that get's her '2 points' of flesh from you. Then you will be 'even'.
So DO NOT take this lightly. Honestly, don't even try to figure this stuff out in detail because your head will implode but just be aware this CAN happen to you.
Oh.. someone here mentioned this but be alert to "No, thats not how Chinese do this thing...".
That is going to be bad for you. So be prepared.
She will have sex with you before marriage. She may not after marriage for long or short periods of time.
But at this point just focus a little on the first things - she is NEVER going to be a Western girl who is your confidant and you are hers and you guys work it out. Her friends and family (and in this case) almost any Chinese peers will be her advisers first. Then you have to decide if you concede.
Sorry if this sounds a bit convoluted, open-ended and only begs more questions but actually that IS the situation for you. This WILL be a series of baffling, illogical, often pointless 'question marks' series of relationship dramas.
Also, be sure she isn't easily prone to physical violence. You don't need that.
i will go any way Because I do not want my head not implode
