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Q: What's the percentage of Chinese men that cheat on their wives?

 

I play and have been playing with a Chinese soccer team on weekends for about 2 years now (Im the only non-Chinese) and the general topic of conversation at post-match dinners is where the best 'males services' are in town.

 

They're mostly young/middle aged men and I don't think that any of them is faithful to their wives.

 

Its not the first time that I have come across this with Chinese male friends.

 

Anyone have similar experiences?

 

8 years 25 weeks ago in  Lifestyle - China

 
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The problem, from my perspective, is that Chinese partners don't have common interests. After marriage they have nothing to talk about and no reason to be attracted to each other.

 

Having a partner whose company I find stimulating --- and who I can still engage in intelligent conversations with after several years together --- is a crucial prerequisite for marriage. In Western countries, we find out if we're really interested in the other person before considering marriage. That's sensible.

 

In China people don't consider intellectual compatibility, mutual interests or chemistry to be important --- just financial compatibility. After marriage, at least one of them is going to find that they're completely bored with the other person.

 

If I married someone with whom I felt a total lack of stimulation, I would cheat. I would cheat to stave off the realisation that I had nothing interesting or meaningful to look forward to for the rest of my life.

 

Most Chinese people do not actually have personal interests, so their chances of finding a partner whose company they find stimulating are zip.

 

In cafes I often see Chinese couples sitting together, both looking completely bored, playing on their respective phones. They have no interest in talking to each other. That's not a recipe for success.

Robk:

Exactly. Very well put. 

 

The problem is also that not many Chinese really have hobbies or interests that they can share with their husband or wife. 

 

They really don't know how to connect with each other. Even if they wanted to, honestly, most Chinese are so boring that they have nothing to connect with... 

 

Men drink, smoke, "get massages" and go to KTV. The good ones are in to something more like sports or have a few hobbies. 

 

The women shop... shop.... and do they whole sa jiao thing.

 

Not all, thankfully, but most. 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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The problem, from my perspective, is that Chinese partners don't have common interests. After marriage they have nothing to talk about and no reason to be attracted to each other.

 

Having a partner whose company I find stimulating --- and who I can still engage in intelligent conversations with after several years together --- is a crucial prerequisite for marriage. In Western countries, we find out if we're really interested in the other person before considering marriage. That's sensible.

 

In China people don't consider intellectual compatibility, mutual interests or chemistry to be important --- just financial compatibility. After marriage, at least one of them is going to find that they're completely bored with the other person.

 

If I married someone with whom I felt a total lack of stimulation, I would cheat. I would cheat to stave off the realisation that I had nothing interesting or meaningful to look forward to for the rest of my life.

 

Most Chinese people do not actually have personal interests, so their chances of finding a partner whose company they find stimulating are zip.

 

In cafes I often see Chinese couples sitting together, both looking completely bored, playing on their respective phones. They have no interest in talking to each other. That's not a recipe for success.

Robk:

Exactly. Very well put. 

 

The problem is also that not many Chinese really have hobbies or interests that they can share with their husband or wife. 

 

They really don't know how to connect with each other. Even if they wanted to, honestly, most Chinese are so boring that they have nothing to connect with... 

 

Men drink, smoke, "get massages" and go to KTV. The good ones are in to something more like sports or have a few hobbies. 

 

The women shop... shop.... and do they whole sa jiao thing.

 

Not all, thankfully, but most. 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Raise your hands or your glass of whatever evil concoction you are having if you think this question is sexist? 
We now live in a world of equal opportunity, right? 
So I want to know what percentage of Chinese women cheat on their husbands?devil
Ladies on the forum, you are also welcome to tell us if you cheat on your husband/bf.............anyone agree?
And as a FYI, I have never cheated ...............not yet anyway.............

Jona:

'Sexist 'on the basis of context then no.

 

I'm just stating my question on the basis of my weekly observations.

 

if you/anyone here spends time weekly in a woman's sport team and have made similar observations from a woman's perspective then feel free to comment.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Paulberger:

@Jona i spend vast amounts of time with my female co-workers at the university and i've come to the conclusion that they are all emotionally unstable.  but it would be unfair for me to come to the conclusion that all females in china are...  but i did read a news report a while back that stated that chinese men are the most likely to have affairs, AND chinese women were just as likely to cheat as their male counter parts.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

I tend to agree in general. But China is not an equal opportunity country. The culture is oppressive towards women. Sure they can get good jobs, but in everyday life you often hear "blah blah blah, but of course women can't do blah blah blah"

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Jona:

Paul,

I hear you but I ask the question cause I've seen it with quite bit here with all my Chinese friends and even colleagues.

its not different if I go out for dinner with clients and they invite you to" KTV"

8 years 25 weeks ago
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brother1818:

I don't think the question is sexist at all. It's just @jona's observations. If a girl had posted the same question about Chinese women you wouldn't see one single guy piping up and saying that it's sexist. He just happens to hang out with Chinese men every weekend and hear them talk about their sexual exploits and so he asked us about it. (I think you can find sexism/racism etc in anything if you really go looking for it)

8 years 25 weeks ago
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brother1818:

But to actually answer the question: I think a large percentage do. One of my best friends is Chinese and he used to cheat all the time and think nothing of it whatsoever. 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Part of what samsara said is true, but there's always pressure from the same families who pressured people together. The result is unhappy relationships, but not as much divorce as you'd imagine. Chinese family values are relatively stable and harmonious, but hardly blissful. It's the modernization that is creating a tremendous pressure on relationships. There are so many different kinds of luxuries that men and especially women can brag, posture and facesave over, that an annoying Sa Jiao trend can turn from endearingly cute to absolutely unbearable. Once women get older and lose their youthful looks, men have completely had it with their childish, selfish spouses, and will turn to infidelity. The men stupidly go after the next cute looking thing on the menu, and depending on their finances they will succeed. The women follow suit, but more to save face and perhaps get close to a more generous man. But divorce is not a choice made easily by anyone here, as there are entire families involved in it, and those ties are considered very important. I've heard prostitution is most common among young university girls, and a lot of the customers are frustrated older men.

TMaster:

Just like every other civilization that has been living by its own standards for centuries and has been force-fed the wildest form of capitalism the last twenty or thirty years.

The traditionnal family structure is in the process of exploding, because it is not compatible with a model placing money above any sort of other belief.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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coineineagh:

And part of what you say is also true. Though I wonder if your use of the word 'belief' reveals your preference for religion to fill the void? I'd say a thorough restructuring of values is in order, so that people understand there is more to life than family and money. Whether religion is the answer is debatable, though I admit that these people seem to be ripe for Christianity. It may actually help many Chinese, since they seem to need a REASON to show love and consideration to their spouse.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Men do, the culture provides for this. I noticed this year that many hotels do not have massage floors any more, so maybe things are changing. Women do also, they say the husband is not good in bed.

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Too many Chinese women won't put out to their partner because they generally don't love them. If you want to keep your man faithful, put out or you get shut out.

Percivile:

How did you learn to type in that dark cave? 

 

1955 called, it wants its misogynistic nonsense back. 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Paulberger:

there's no caves in Wifedor, Arizona...

8 years 25 weeks ago
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bill8899:

Pfffft. What's wrong with this Hulkian Proverb? Fidelity is outdated? Hey Perci, the 60s called, they want their drugs, 'free-love'  and tie-dyed shirts back. 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Hulk:

It's the same thing for guys, Percivile. If a guy doesn't put out to a willing wife, she's going to get upset and look elsewhere.

 

Mysogynistic? Nah.

 

Moral of the story is: if your spouse wants to engage in love-making, then you pucking engage in it with them even if you don't feel like you're in the mood for it. Relationships are a two-way street.

 

If you neglect your other half's needs, soon you'll be missing that other half while 5 rich guys from Shanghai show up at your house with rolexes and radiation-hardened microchips and do it for you (ex-gf). B!7%$, W#)(@, C$!#. I'm not bitter.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Exactly, Paul. In the Land of Wifezor where the Shadows Lie, there are no dark caves.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Percivile:

Oh, no I know what you mean, Hulk. It's like those whiny rape victims. I mean, WHY were they out without an escort anyway? 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Hulk:

How'd you equate that to rape? You're weird.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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I also have the same feeling after living in china many years. The point is that chinese dont believe in love. They dont marry, date their couple because of love it is just because other interests. It is part of chinese culture

royceH:

You don't think Chinese people can actually fall in love?  Oh dear.... woe is China....doomed to forever fall into the developing county basket.

Look at all the 1st World countries...they know how to love!

 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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It's not just the men. Women here cheat all the time as well. I know many women who have. 

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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I think it's 50/50.  Most women in China are highly conservative and marry a man looking for stability and someone to take care of them.  This often leaves the husband high and dry.

 

The other 50 though, are men who are out to conquer as many women as possible in the middle kingdom.

 

You don't get to 1.5 billion people without some infidelity here and there.

bill8899:

Bingo! Here marriage often seems to be about finding someone to fund a woman's lifestyle. In return, she might let you go shopping with her. Walking. For hours. Walking, looking, carrying her bags. And walking. Ahhh heaven.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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royceH:

Chinese men don't like having sex because it saps ones strength.  Perhaps once a month is allowed but THAT'S ALL!  And in no case for longer than 1.5 minutes.  Foreplay is as understood as the expression "and there but for the Grace of God go I".

If lumbered with a full blooded woman who happens to have a libido, the man is in for it...cause he'll forever have to consume a diet comprised of nothing but penis of beast.

HARR!!!

True, however.

 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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dom87:

is that like this? If more then once a month isnt accepted for the men, why do they go to ktv and stuff?

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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I hear it's a normal thing...mistresses and gigolos...with the resulting illegitimate children...

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Check out this article: No quick fix for China's mistress culture

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/China/CHIN-01-291013.html

"....when Westerners first come to China, they are utterly perplexed by the strict division here between marriage, romance, and sex - for which, in Chinese thinking, of course (at least) three different types of women are required."

Of course one has to be able to support a mistress in the style in which she wishes to become accustomed. I have a friend, a well-to-do businessman who has a secret second family in another city.

bill8899:

Yes, it's quite surprising and expensive, and time consuming, this Chinese division of affection. I know a Chinese man with a secret mistress (girlfriend, or whatever) and second wife back in his hometown. He is quite pleased.

I figure if you want side action it's best to keep it simple, but hey what do I know? I did not cheat on my wife.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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l think in china there are two kinds of cheating and they mean different things here. one is a mistress, most cant afford it or are too afraid to get caught.
The other is hookers, ktv, and rub and tugs. id say damn near 100% of married dudes have at least done it once. including foriegners. the wives know or suspect but wont rock the boat for a handjob theyll never prove.

royceH:

Not me Mike.  I'm a foreigner and I've only ever cheated on my wife in dreams.  Hmm, does that count?  Mind you, I'm only 5 months in....and a chronic masturbator Hell, why not? .

 

 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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mike695ca:

haha give it time my friend give it time. 5 months isnt long enough to learn the ways. you will get there young jedi. i dont know if the chronic beating off will help or hurt the monogomousness. i suffer from the same affliction and still havent figured it out

8 years 25 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

you two are wankers

8 years 25 weeks ago
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mike695ca:

ba dum bum!

8 years 25 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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A teacher friend of mine has two lovers, one for mental stimulation and the other to maintain the house. She was the one that opened my eyes to the infidelities of the people here. 

 

With modernization comes exposure, with exposure comes a new consciousness. People no longer want to settle, they want it all. Love, romance, good sex and let's not forget money, and mental stimulation. Divorce rate in China is on the increase...regardless of family values.

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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What percentage of men from other countries cheat on their wives?

I reckon they'd be hard pressed to beat Chinese men.  And more likely to be less socially acceptable..... and therein lies the rub.

 

 

mike695ca:

yes, the rub .....and tug! hahahahahahaha. I would definatly guess its the same. Less for foreigners just off the boat but if been here a while... id guess the same. Like you said, less socially acceptable so they arent talking about it in the damn office, and loathe to admit it. But anyone you meet thats been here longer than a year or two and sais they havent gone for a good old handy is lying.

8 years 25 weeks ago
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royceH:

I haven't Mike.  Almost 4 yrs here now.  No lie.  The thought of doing such a thing hasn't even occurred to me.  And if it did, I would have no clue as how to go about it.

Masturbation has always been something of a driving force within me and now that's become somewhat problematic given all porn sites are blocked these days.  At least they are where I am.  Might go pick myself up one of those lingerie brochures..HAR!.

 

 

8 years 25 weeks ago
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dom87:

there are plenty of pornsites not blocked in china.

just use baidu instead of google to search for it LOL

 

btw my fionce taught me that

8 years 25 weeks ago
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I know one guy who was seeing a women on a regular basis. He was disappointed when the women confessed to him that she was married.  He could not believe the deception.  He had let her know that he was married since the beginning.

Cheating is not just for men.  Women do it as well.

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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My mistresses and I are having a hard time figuring out why Chinese men are always cheating on their wives. We just can't believe it's so prevalent, and we're totally disgusted by their behavior.

 

They told me they'll never be with a Chinese guy again because all they do is cheat. It's ridiculous.

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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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It is a major problem, especially most men treat women as property. This is appalling.

My wife and I , (she is Chinese) have lots in common and talk daily and try to do things together. She battles with cultural traditions because we are doing things differently other than how she was brought up.

from stats I have read 70% of the men cheat in China. 60% of the women cheat, whine, or shop  to make themselves feel good. 

With them stats something needs to change.

Sounds like a course needs to be taught on how to be faithful to your spouse.

VoiceG:

I agree men treat their wife as property in China .but 70%,is a bit higher than I thought .

7 years 11 weeks ago
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8 years 25 weeks ago
 
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I appreciate the comments about not having common interests, as well as the comments about men and women cheating being 50/50, and realize that everyone is being honest and expressing their opinions. I don't wish to criticize anyone for their comments, However, some are are based on North American observations/culture.

My wife is Chinese and married me after leaving china and divorcing her Chinese husband. I have inherited a wonderful Chinese stepdaughter Smile

I have been studying the Chinese culture for almost 10 years. There is a very significant cultural difference between North America and China, and in fact between China and most of the world. I have some wonderful Chinese friends, married couples, whom I love dearly and would trust with my life, but they left China for good reasons and would not move back there. 10+ years ago divorce was extremely rare in China, women tolerated a lot of emotional abuse from their husbands, and a lot of cheating. Most men cheat on their wives and think it's perfectly acceptable. Chinese men tend to believe that if they are successful at supporting their wife (family) then they have earned the right to have a mistress, and have sex with other woman too, it's very commonplace there, this is the reason that so many of my wife's friends in China have recently got divorced or split up with their husband's, it's caused buckets of tears, even in my home. It's easy to have sex with a beautiful woman in china. North Americans regularly go to Sports bars where they leave their wife at home and pursue their love affair with beer and sports. In China men got to clubs where they pursue their love of food, alcohol, and sex with beautiful women. Prostitution is common. Many business men take their clients to these clubs and buy them alcohol and sex, my ex-wife's husband did it and I'm sure still does, even though he has since remarried (probably to the mistress that he was cheating on my wife with when they were still married).

My wife often say's with a smile on her face that I'm forbidden to ever go to China without her, because we both know how easy it would be for me to go to a club for a meal and have sex with a beautiful Chinese girl.

It's very rare to see white women in North America with a Chinese guy because the fact that Chinese men cheat on their wives in common knowledge, but I do see young white girls with young Chinese guys who were either born here or moved here when they were very young so they are not raised in the Chinese culture.

I read the link about how Chinese women give tips on how to please their husbands, my wife is very tender and loving, but it's sad that they feel the need to be so giving and submissive in order to try to minimize their husband's extra marital activity. They do the right thing for the wrong reason.

My wife's parents live together, but haven't spoken to each other in years because her father cheated on her mother many years ago, and she won't forgive him. The older Chinese generation are very much against divorce, they would rather live in misery for the rest of their lives. Although, in the case of some men, they will often send their wife to live in another country to get her out of the way, as did my wife's first husband. He sent her to Japan, Australia, and eventually Canada, where she finally settled and divorced him. My wife's best friend, who lives in China, is a mistress to a married man, and has been for 10 years, believing of course that some day he will leave his wife and marry her. My step-daughter, who is 18, Chinese, and westernized, say's her mom's friend is never allowed in our house and cannot visit us (it's cute that she feels that way).

We can only hope that over time Chinese women are able to get the respect that they deserve, and have faithful husbands, but don't hold your breath, it won't happen this year. These are of course my opinions, but they are based on my own experiences and backed up by a lot of facts. If you read my very long reply I hope that you can appreciate it and not be offended.

Smile

 

Spiderboenz:

cool story, bro.

7 years 11 weeks ago
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Jona:

Thanks for detailed reply and sharing your experiences

6 years 46 weeks ago
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7 years 11 weeks ago
 
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I discussed this question with a Chinese colleague and asked him his views on it... He said almost 80% men cheat on their wives. 

 

 

And the justification is - after few years of marriage the man gets bored and wants a change. 

 

 

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7 years 11 weeks ago
 
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If 70%or 80% Chinese men cheat on their wives  ,, I would like to know what is the percentage of  Europe and  Us  men cheat on their.wives ?

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7 years 11 weeks ago
 
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