The place to ask China-related questions!
Beijing Shanghai Guangzhou Shenzhen Chengdu Xi'an Hangzhou Qingdao Dalian Suzhou Nanjing More Cities>>


Welcome to eChinacities Answers! Please or register if you wish to join conversations or ask questions relating to life in China. For help, click here.

By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .

Sign up with Google Sign up with Facebook
Sign up with Email Already have an account? .
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!

Q: Authenticity Lesson for Wumao


I feel a little sad for our basement-dwelling friends. They try so earnestly to be foreign, while struggling with word quotas, a very poor rate of pay, and social and mental retardation. Possibly as a result of the latter, they never seem to learn. Even since the glory days of Silva, wumaos have not cottoned on to the basic elements of style that are necessary when posing as a foreigner.


This article tries to address the most immediate issues that wumaos need to consider. This forum, and the world in general, deserves a higher standard of paid nationalist drones. Time will tell if my efforts pay off.


1. Introducing Yourself

If your username contains a Western name or other indicator of Western-ness, and your first few posts namedrop Western themes (like tampons, blonde hair, or being from America or “Europe”) you have already marked yourself as an imposter. Don’t do it. Introduce yourself innocuously by answering questions (see below). If your first post says “As a blonde European girl, where can I find tampons?”, you’re gone.


2. Fitting In
Regular posters have a comparatively large number of answers posted compared to questions posted (they have a comparatively large something else too - don’t be embarrassed, it’s genetic). This is because their primary interest is participating in discussions, rather than drawing attention to their foreign cred.


The question-to-answer ratio of normal users is usually around 1:20 (ranging anywhere up to 1:100).


The question-to-answer ratio of trolls (uniqlo), retarded children (Vicky) and wumaos (GarrettAbbott) is usually about 1:3.


Posting numerous topics mentioning that you are "American" immediately marks you as Chinese. I, for example, didn't start out by posting "As an Australian foreigner in China, where can I find a shrimp to chuck on the barbie?" To be accepted as a legitimate poster, you need to tone down the claims of foreignness, and instead participate in conversations and express opinions (uh oh). This is where you will run into real difficulty.


3. Personality
This is the most serious (possibly insurmountable) obstacle you face when passing yourself off as “foreign”. You don’t have a personality. Expats have loads of experience, which they have subsumed into their sense of self. As such they express independent opinions, based on confidently and autonomously interpreting the world. It is impossible to imitate personality by reciting what you think are "regular" Western opinions. Western opinions are individualistic, nuanced and diverse, as opposed to prescribed by groupthink.


4. Lingo
Do not attempt to use American, Australian, or any other regional colloquialisms. It’s a dead giveaway. Colloquialisms are only used in verbal communication, and appear very awkward in writing. On an internet forum, a true blue fair dinkum Aussie like me only uses Australian lingo in a comical, self-referential way (drawing attention to the obviously silly words themselves). If I slip an Australianism into a sentence, it is a joke. It is not how Australians actually communicate in writing.

You can’t use colloquialisms to blend in. Whatever your wumao trainer told you about “establishing Western credibility on an internet forum” is bullshit. Punch him in the dick.

In fact - the belief that regional words are enough to confuse a foreigner absolutely typifies Chinese nationalists' utter lack of awareness.


5. Consider your End Goal
Is the entire purpose of this elaborate setup to eventually be accepted as an authentic foreigner and then start posting pro-Chinese topics, as though your foreign credibility will make people accept them? Once you are accepted as legit (though curiously devoid of personality), do you think people will value and respect your opinions?


Bad news.


The moment you start spouting pro-China bullshit, you’re gone. It was all for naught. The whole setup falls apart the moment you express a stupid, nationalistic opinion.


Unlike Chinese people (who assess the validity of an opinion on the person's race) we "foreigners" assess the validity of an opinion on the opinion itself. This is because we have the capacity for analysis, and are not constrained by national and ethnic loyalty.


Your idea that "foreign" people favour foreign opinions is based on the assumption that foreigners are a self-identifying group consisting of 80% of the world's population, unified by not being Chinese. Sigh.


Long story short - You will NEVER convince an expat of any of your government's Communist nonsense. Because we live here and can see things with our eyes. So, like, bye?




4 years 45 weeks ago in  Teaching & Learning - Beijing

Highest Voted
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!

#6 Remember to emphasize that you drink cold water all the time

Report Abuse
4 years 45 weeks ago
Answers (26 - 27 of 27)
Comments (64)
Posts: 4985


You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!

"a very poor rate of pay, and social and mental retardation."


You just described me. I am American, and I'm a complete lunatic. I have all the retardations. I use tampons to give myself a perm. I have no personality and use all the wrong connoisseurisms.


Praise China. Praise Xi Jinping. Praise the Communist Party of Middle Guo, and down with America and her running dogs like you, Samsarah!!!

Report Abuse
4 years 42 weeks ago
Know the answer ?
Please or register to post answer.

Report Abuse

Security Code: * Enter the text diplayed in the box below
Enter the characters shown in the image.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <img> <br> <p> <u>
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Textual smileys will be replaced with graphical ones.

More information about formatting options

Forward Question

Answer of the DayMORE >>
A: Going to HK would be the best bet I reckon, especially if you were loo
A:Going to HK would be the best bet I reckon, especially if you were looking for a church wedding. Chinese weddings are pretty grim IMO - you go to a barren govt dept with souless officials and navigate red tape so some guy can give you a red stamp and a marriage book. You get expensive pictures taken of you both posing in places you'd never go to in everyday life that is somehow supposed to represent your wedding, then a while later it's off to a restaurant where a game show host kind of guy makes sure it's as tacky as possible while the guests eat as fast as they can so they can leave as soon as they finish eating and gave you money. Hell, I'd go to Thailand or the Philippines and get married in Paradise.   -- Stiggs