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Q: Is anybody else struggling with Chinese superstition?
My wife just gave birth in China. Her family wants her to stay inside the house for 40 days. She is not allowed to shower in these 40 days. They get angry when she drinks something cold or even touches something cold. They want my newborn son to be wearing stupid headbands for stupid reasons. +++++
How should I react when common sense is totally absent? Is there any tricks to get them to understand or should I give up?
drink hot coffee and cold ice cream in front of them all the time and tell them you dont know why your still alive.
Just medical stuff. Lucky numbers, horoscopes and the like are everywhere in the world. So, yeah. Just the medical voodoo junk.
I wanted to troll this but sympathy got the best of me. Try reason. If she stays in bed for 40 days she will lose muscle tone and all muscle strength, after which she will be carrying a baby. It makes no sense. No showers, laying in bed? Perfect time for bed sores, skin disease and other maladies, not to mention complete boredom.
You can try that and anything else that might work and I sincerely wish you the best.
Oh yea, congratulations!
Red_Fox:
Bill, That's medical junk, right? Do I know you? Cuz you sound very familiar... Btw, nice article on electric guitars.
bill8899:
I don't know, do you? Do you live in Wuxi?
Thanks. About the cheapest Taobao electrics: stick with the Strat copies! According to my survey of two very cheap Taobao guitars, you have a 50/50 chance of getting a decent one. One is good, the other makes me wish I had a fireplace and some kindling.
Red_Fox:
Ha ha! Don't even know where Wuxi is! So, I guess we haven't met. I'm in Qingdao.
So, yeah. I would agree that a Strat copy is a decent buy although I like the Squire for a cheapo. It breaks, you get another one...
I bought a Qingdao-made Les Paul here a few years back from a music store and it really sucked. Way bad fretwork, neck and action. I sold it back to the store and later bought a real American-made Strat back in the States during a clearance sale. Still got it and it's paid for itself many a time over by doing gigs here and there. Anyway, rock on, dude!
bill8899:
Qingdao! I think they make Epis and others there. Yes, Chinese axes seem hit or miss regardless of price, but my friend has a Squire and it's fine, just a good guitar. I think to buy here you must play it first.
Yes, good idea I might buy a Strat at home and bring it back. I'll tell people it's fake so no one will steal it.
Rock on!
Just lobotomize yourself with a pencil and go with it. Much easier. You will never win, 5000 years and TIC
the best way, get the parents out of home and arrange everything by yourself.
It's too late now.
You should have seen this coming. Chinese parents have preposterously bad ideas about everything. When an event as important as the birth of your child is approaching, you can't just bury your head in the sand and hope everything will be fine.
If you are planning to have a baby, you need to make sure, ahead of time, that your parents-in-law are out of the picture. You can either "have them taken care of" or tell your partner, in no uncertain terms, that their parents will not be involved in the birth.
GuilinRaf:
And that is why I am moving with my fiance to the US next year after we marry.
I think that is the culture difference, I had the same problem with my ex when we lived together,he is an American, there was one habit which made me confused was he never drinks warm water, even in the morning or in cold weather. After a while I found that our bodies built differently, we had different food and living conditions before .My suggestion is to respect your wife and her family's custom, I know it can be touch to live with a woman without shower for 40 days, but please be happy cus nothing is more important to have your own new born baby~
GuilinRaf:
If it comes to drinking hot/cold water, I agree. Differences must be respected.
If it is the 40 days and 40 nights without washing?
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone who lives in my house will bathe every day.
If not, then she can stay in a hotel (which she will pay herself) WITHOUT the baby.
I will be damned if I will allow my baby to touched by someone who is not clean, even if it were his/her own mother.
Scandinavian:
Saying that bodies are built differently is just stupid. Sorry to be so blunt about it but someone has lied to you. I find such remarks highly racist and people who utter them must be very poorly educated. There is only one human race.
tomcatflyer:
Katt, your bodies are NOT built differently, we are all human beings you know. You have just been brainwashed by superstition. If we are different then why are so many Chinese hospitals treating patients with western medicine and western surgical procedures. If we really do have different bodies all that stuff surely would not work properly. Please try and think things through before posting stupid replies.
JayKnox:
This gives you an idea of how ingrained the superstitions really are - when confronted with reality the believer must rationalize any other explanations - the Western doctors must be poorly trained and wrong, it must be that Chinese have different bodies, or maybe its all a big trick.
Nevertheless, whenever there is a disagreement the obligation is on the Western husband to concede and play along. After all, why hurt the baby?
Be amazed at the rationale (or baffling lack of it).
For 5000 years women throughout the Earth have not only walked upright during pregnancy but even worked in fields, given birth children on a lunch break and then returned to work a day later.
Today, 1000's of the worlds most highly trained doctors (of all races, creeds and schools) understand that its actually detrimental for pregnant women to be bedridden as they do not strengthen the very muscles required to hold that baby in place. Later they will need those muscles to be strong for the actual delivery of the baby!
And we know there are no significant racial differences because 1000's and even millions of genetically 100% Chinese-Americans, Chinese-Australians etc all breeze through 'Western Practices' with no more or less problems. Many working until their 9th month in standing positions!
The OP has some significant problems to overcome. 1. It is being established that he does not care about his wife and baby's health. In fact, he is now being established as the one who may hurt his baby and wife. This will be filed against him. Even worse if the wife has a miscarriage (which happens to all women on Earth quite often regardless) however he will be marked as having killed his unborn baby by forcing her to stand up. Likewise, any health problems of the future child will be established as something he did to the child. To his eternal debt and shame.
On the other hand he can do nothing and let her have her way. He will not be respected for this as he is still a little dumb and even dumb Chinese men are higher than him as they knew this stuff. Also he will be disrespected for conceding to her.
This will always be on his head. Forever.
*BTW: If you were to read this post and the medical evidence, no matter how much of a slam-dunk the reasoning, logic, expertise, examples and demonstrations are - she will just stare at you and say "no.. its not right. maybe in some other place.. chinese are different" and carry on like you just wasted time being meaningless.
Enjoy!
GuilinRaf:
The most common replies the Westerner gets:
1- Chinese and Western bodies are different.
2- TCM is superior to Western (as it has been around for 5,000 years).
3- As a guest in China, you must respect Chinese culture.
4- (If in the West) Your wife is Chinese, you must respect her culture.
5- Why you hate China?
6- You are foreigner. You wont understand....
I agree with some of the others and say when it comes to wacky traditions and superstitions, just go with it. They probably won't expect you personally to do anything, so just let them do what they need to do.
For example, my GF doesn't drink anything cold on her period every month. That's her weird thing, but she doesn't stop me from enjoying a nice cold drink, so I'm not gonna bug her about it. She is also still convinced that cold weather = getting a cold. That's an argument I will never win, so I just say "Ok dear" when she tells me to put on a seventh or eight layer of clothing and that's the end of it. I'm happy that she cares about me, and she's happy that I don't pick a fight.
About this post child birth thing, it's called a 'confinement period' and it's practiced in several cultures outside of China as well. It's just something they do, and you won't be able to convince them otherwise even if you hired a team of the world most elite doctors to convince them otherwise. It'll be over soon enough, no worries!
Scandinavian:
The 'confinement period' has also been used in some European countries. But then reason kicked in and the practice was abolished as it is not what it best for mother and child
Mr Sandvik. You may want to present your wifes family with some facts here
1. Lying in bed for 40 days is dangerous. Even a healthy, physically fit person can deteriorate to a degree where blood can clot in the ankles, when those kinds of clots go loose they go straight to the small veins in the brain and you have a (at best) handicapped mother for the new born.
2. Lying in bed for a month means the lack of muscle movements will make the new mother less capable of actually taking care of her baby. Her milk production will not be good, she will lack energy to be able to actually breastfeed
3. Lying in bed sleeping means the baby is not bonding with her mother properly. I would guess the baby is mainly seeing the grandparents, probably great, but your baby is all of a sudden family property not the result of your wife and yours love.
If the family is busy with superstitious bullshit you can use your time well and go to your country embassy and change the nationality of the child. (this can be done in the first 30 days after birth) Then go back and tell them the baby is no longer Chinese so Chinese rules do not apply.
GuilinRaf:
HA ha ha ha hahaha!
"...tell them the baby is no longer Chinese so Chinese rules do not apply"!!!!!
I love it! You know, it might actually work especially if the child takes after the Western parent....
Best answer! (Sorry Crimo, please dont sue me for copyright infringement!)
Yeah I have been struggling with chinese superstition ever since I saw a bruce lee movie. I couldn't believe that he was actually having nightmares and that his own father dressed him up like a girl and gave him a girl's name to hide his identity. They said that some demon comes for the first born child if it's a son. When I heard that I had always struggled with it because so many people in China wants their first child to be a boy!
Scandinavian:
if it was Bruce Lee, then it must be American superstition !!!
It's an interesting discussions. I can't help saying something here.^_^ When it's time to take shower, then take shower, when the room is warm enough to avoid catch cold. of course, nowadays the living conditions are normally good enough. 40 days without shower is really long.On the other hand, there're other practices which are good, like what kind of food to eat for mum.
Scandinavian:
thinking you will catch a cold by actually being cold falls into the superstition category, the common cold is a virus and is transferred through physical contact and bodily fluids etc, not temperature
GuilinRaf:
I would be more concerned about a "dirty mom" (who has not washed or bathed for 40 days) touching a newborn baby than anything else.
btw, it's not belongs to superstition, it's just a practice in ancient china, esp. northern China. there it was very cold in winter, no shower facilities, no heater. it was easy to catch cold during old times, which was not good to have a sick mum stay together with new born baby
GuilinRaf:
Yes, It is a superstition.
According to Web MD "With a common cold, you can catch it from another person who is infected with the virus. This usually happens by touching a surface contaminated with cold germs -- a computer keyboard, doorknob, or eating utensil, for example -- and then touching your nose or mouth. You can also catch a cold by encountering secretions someone with a cold has sneezed into the air.
A cold begins when a cold virus attaches to the lining of your nose or throat. Your immune system sends white blood cells out to attack this germ. Unless you've encountered that exact strain of the virus before, the initial attack fails and your body sends in reinforcements. Your nose and throat get inflamed and produce a lot of mucus. With so much of your body's energy directed at fighting the cold virus, you're left feeling tired and miserable.".
Germs, virus and infection. Not "temperature".
To not bathe for more than two days is a surefire way to get sick AND to sicken a newly born child.
fnaiowepf:
Someone already beat me to it, but like he said, it absolutely IS superstition. It's a medical and scientific fact that you can't get sick from being wet or cold. That's a common myth in Western culture as well.
I've had similar conflicts with my Chinese wife. Her mom feeds her all kinds of superstitious nonsense with the justification that it must be right because it's been around for thousands of years, and they're incredibly thick-headed and stubborn about it. Much of it revolves around cold vs. hot. If our kids are outside in the 95-degree sun and sneeze, the in-laws insist that they must be cold.
Anyway, parenting decisions belong to you and your wife and nobody else. If her family tries to push her into something she doesn't want to do, set them straight. On the other hand, if your wife believes all of the myths herself then you're in for some trouble.
Well my mother in-law is very superstitious indeed. She believes that if you keep a this or a that in your pocket you'll find fortune; if you avoid this or that you'll find fortune; if you do this or that at this or that time, you'll also find fortune. Etc, etc, etc. A seemingly endless theme requiring one to remember what to do with this or that at this or that time. And I just don't have the heart to point out the painfully obvious fact to her, that she's been doing this or that for years and years now, and she's completely broke.
Hulk:
Lol.
I must be somewhat lucky. My in-laws aren't superstitious at all; just greedy as fuck. In fact, they think that if one wants fortune, they must work hard... unless someone gives it to them. With me, they were hoping they wouldn't have to work too hard. Unfortunately, reality soon set in.
My wife's about to give birth. I planted many seeds before she got pregnant (uh, pun not intended), such as she shouldn't stay in bed for 40 days after giving birth. The main reason being blood clots which can and will kill her.
Dispelling superstition takes time. Educate your spouse... and insist on doing things the American/anything-else-that's-better way.
I just want to add... do you ever see those metal bracelets on Chinese kids? I inquired as to what they were (almost all my kindergarten students were wearing them), and they apparently "protected" them from ghosts. You know, the same kind of ghosts that can pass through solid objects and float around?
