brother1818:

Ya, it wouldn't stop me from dating someone, and hasn't, but it still concerns me, especially when I see the relationship going well.. 

Scandinavian:

If the relationship is going well. Then that has to be a good thing right :) 

I guess you are dating a Chinese girl now? Maybe talk more about where you are from, your values etc, the same about her, future plans, could she live in another country (no Chinese girl can really answer this until they have tried it) 

brother1818:

I'm dating an expat who grew up in Beijing her whole life (parents from US/France), so she's western looking but quite Chinese in her thoughts. She doesn't have strong ties to the US or France but she is also lookng to move away from China at some point. And I would like to move back to South Africa some time too. Not sure when but for sure some day. 

Scandinavian:

if she has ties to US and France, then she is probably more likely to be able to know if she could live in another country, I assume she has visited family in US and France.

You can level the playing field by picking a completely different country, should you leave.

It is always difficult thinking outside the box if you are living inside the box. For both of you there is some good experiences to be had by visiting the mentioned countries. I'd pick France over the others any time. 

brother1818:

Ya, a neutral country is always an option. I'm not that stressed about it but know that we might have to deal with it some day. And was curious about what others feel about this. But as Mike said below, deal with it when we get there.

Scandinavian:

Yup, there is great wisdom in what Mike says.

Also, in a side note. We have sometimes talked about the US as a place we (here mainly my wife) would like to try and live. The problem in doing so is that then there is zero network. If we are in either of our home countries, there will always be an uncle to call when your car blows up on the highway to Beijing and you have no idea how road service in China works. Grandparents for your children etc. Things that will have great value in the grown ups peoples world. Despite all my MIL bitching, she is still a far better resource than any stranger off the streets. 

brother1818:

You're right, However, I cam to China in 2011 by myself with zero network and I can now say that I have one here, built over time. I think I have people here who I can call any time of day to help my in a sticky situation (and people who can call me). So it can be built. But I understand what you're saying.

louischuahm:

Mike, you are so right! Cross the bridge when you get to it. Go with the flow. Everything in China is transient.