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Q: Etiquette during the GF's family visit to my home?
OK...her Mother and young niece came to visit over 2 weeks ago and I'm still not sure when they will leave.
Now at least the GF cooks and the mother cleans the kitchen after but besides this our place is turning into a pig sty.
This is not so bad and I have dealt with it but their sanitary habits are awful.
The first 10 days of their visit I was out of town on business so I didn't care much about what was happening...the last 5 days I have been back and last night the GF requested that I sleep in the guest room alone for the remainder of the visit so the three of them could sleep together in our bed in the master bedroom. I lost it...without losing face of course...that was the last straw for me. I mean really...she would rather sleep with her mother and niece all on one bed than sleep with me.
Would you be offended by this request? How do you cope with family visits?
I'd try and get a departure date. Nice and all as it is having visitors to stay for a visit (in any country) it is helpful to know how long they are staying. EDIT: with a departure date in mind, i'd organise some activities with the guests, but not let my work routine be disrupted.
It's your home. Stand your ground. In a polite way, tell them that you would like to raise the standard of the cleanliness of your apartment.
The GF's family are guests, that is what the guest room is for. I really hate if people sleep in my bed. My mother in law does so once in a while, despite the fact we have a room my wife calls "my mothers room", personally I call it a guest room, but fact of the matter is that we are wasting good realestate. The room is fully functional, identical bed to ours, aircon, dedicated bathroom/shower. But no.
If you don't get it sorted now this is how it will always be.
Note. Tell your GF that in your culture it is normal to timebox a visit, and several weeks is not normal.
Englteachted:
It does not matter what your culture is, Their culture is the only one that matters. In their eyes, the 500 years of history means something.
Scandinavian:
In The Dudes apartment people should play by his rules. If I go there for a visit I would not throw garbage on the floor and such.
You must understand the conservative nature of Chinese culture. Your girlfriend does not want to risk offending the mother by sleeping in the same room with you. Two unmarried people should not sleep in the same room, house, or have sex. I know it is silly, but do you want to witness that argument? or even be apart of it? Also think about the impression it will make on the child. Chinese people gossip , and the entire family would be talking about her sleeping in the same room with you.
These rules are of course applied differently towards women than men.
thedude:
I understand this but we had already slept together for 3 nights since I got back with no complaints from the mother. This was less about us sleeping together and more about them wanting to sleep together...I think it's weird.
Englteachted:
You clearly do not understand Chinese mothers. She may have made a sly comment . I promise you this, your girlfriend is doing this to please the mother in some way.
Scandinavian:
In the mans own home it is not China. Wtf, do you just roll over. I am not saying it will not cause conflict, but at the end of the day, if this GF ends up being around for many years, then The Dude has to feel like a guest in his own filthy house for a long time. He might end up jumping out of the window, and if he lives sufficiently low then that will solve nothing.
thedude:
Scandinavian...I agree. It's the principle.
After I refused...my GF promptly went to sleep with them...on a freakin single bed in the spare room...3 people.
If I was at her parents home I would gladly abide by their rules...but it my home and everyone knows she lives with me now.
But I still suspect this has less to do about conservative values and more about other issues. The irony is we had just finished quietly ...ahem...you know...when this happened.
Scandinavian:
Oh, one thing is of course that there is a risk that you might be invited to use the master bedroom when you visit her family, obviously you will have to decline this. E.g.. When we visit some of the family they will move a 80-something woman so we can get a room for ourselves. As much as I appreciate the gesture I prefer to go to the local cheap hotel which is close enough for us to be back for breakfast,.
Englteachted:
I want to make clear, I am not choosing sides. I'm merely pointing out an aspect of Chinese culture that all men need to think about, before marrying into Chinese culture.
I dunno what to say about the sleeping part. My wife's mother asked her to sleep in the same bed as me... almost immediately. They're pretty conservative, but... actually, I am still shocked. We weren't even married at the time.
Personally, I would not be offended by being asked to sleep on the guest bed or something. When I was married to my wife (before anyone knew), she asked me to sleep on the chair in rural Zhangjiajie, but we also slept in the same bed twice in another part of rural Zhangjiajie.
However, I would definitely be offended by unclean sanitary habits. My in-laws went out of their way to make sure everything was clean and tidy while visiting, and they kept the house clean. When they visited us, they cleaned up the pigsty left by the maid. I can still remember the maid's face, and I want to slap her silly just thinking about her. 
Ahem. It seems to me that your girl might be a little lazy. Rather than dump her, I suggest training her. My wife was the same way.... Chinese girls are really pucking lazy. They need training. If she loves you, you can talk to her about the pigsty and she'll eventually stop being lazy. Seriously, just talk to her about it... don't be a pussy. I tried the pussy route and it didn't work.
EDIT: Just tell her that you don't like the uncleanness of the house. Tell her that it's hard work being The Dude, and you shouldn't come home from a hard day of Dudeing, only to need to work your ass off at to keep the house clean. She'll get the picture really fast. Say it in a cute way if you need to. Then give her a kiss and walk off to watch TV. When she's done crying, she'll clean up.
thedude:
I gave up tonight and cleaned the bathroom spotless for 2 hours.
Hulk:
That's screwed up... my wife would always clean up when I asked her to. Right now I've been letting her relax all she wants since she's pregnant and broke her collarbone, so I'm the housewife for now.
I'd seriously recommend finding a new girlfriend if she will not clean for you. Sorry if this seems sexist to some of you girls, but nothing is worse than coming home from work, only to have to do all the pucking dishes, cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, and have no time to do anything you want... and then be called lazy by the maid when you sit in front of the computer playing video games.
That actually happened to me... and then I put my foot down and told everyone to shut the fuck up and start cleaning, cooking, and pleasuring with the mouth. Okay, not that last part... I wish I fucking threw that maid off the balcony.
Fish and visitors, they get stale after a few days. I'd say that because the family visits, they expect big things from you.
