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Q: How to answer those annoying question?

My boss's wife, Chinese. She kept asking me those questions like when I will get married and saying I could marry a foreigner. Blah blah

 

I don't really wanna to reveal that I don't date Chinese cause I worry the Chinese boss might feel I am unstable,

 

Thats my personal life too, I don't want to talk about my privacy in the working place. 

 

It made me feel uncomfortable with someone invading my private space. I really wanna tell her to shut up. But she's the boss's wife. What should I say to deal with her?

1 week 9 hours ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 1972

Shifu

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Establish you dominance over Mrs Boss. Challenge her to a blowjob competition on the first drunk eurotrash DJ or model you see.

diverdude1:

or just finger her in the parking lot.

6 days 19 hours ago
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diverdude1:

or ask her if she was raised with Good Manners?

6 days 17 hours ago
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6 days 21 hours ago
 
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But...  You ARE unstable.

Viki87:

Yep, but I can bring a lot benifits to this company's business even if I don't work long here.

 

Most Chinese companies are unorganized and unprofessional. 

6 days 18 hours ago
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6 days 22 hours ago
 
Posts: 1972

Shifu

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Establish you dominance over Mrs Boss. Challenge her to a blowjob competition on the first drunk eurotrash DJ or model you see.

diverdude1:

or just finger her in the parking lot.

6 days 19 hours ago
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diverdude1:

or ask her if she was raised with Good Manners?

6 days 17 hours ago
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6 days 21 hours ago
 
Posts: 165

Minor Official

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As a Chinese person, if you can not understand how other Chinese people think, the questions they ask and why they as them, it is less likely you will  understand how non-Chinese people think and be able to form a good relationship.

 

I find that most Chinese people i know are unable to understand appropriate boundaries when it comes to personal questions. There is a child-like tendency to blurt out the first thing that comes into their heads when they want to satisfy their curiosity, regardless of how tactful or polite it is - it is a basic lack of empathy.

 

An English colleague of mine in his 30's was asked why he was not married by a total stranger. I was aware that he had lost his wife in a RTA, but only after he confided in me after many months working together, and when a bond of trust had been established. I certainly would not have needled a colleague on their marital status, but then i am not chinese.

 

this post demonstrates a typical Chinese persons ability to show a degree of empathy with others:

http://answers.echinacities.com/question/whats-wrong-those-people

 

but seriously, if you are Chinese, how can you not know or understand how Chinese people behave and how to deal with it?

Viki87:

As a Chinese, I found most Chinese are lack of good manners.

 

It has something to do with the family education. The society is totally fucked up here.

6 days 19 hours ago
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Blondie_:

being disrespectful and lacking empathy towards subordinates is par for the course in Chinese businesses.

 

It is just a way those with a little power (and probably a lot if inadequacy) make themselves feel better.

 

Yes Viki, it has something to do with family education...... a complete lack of empathy for others, especially subordinates.
 

indecision

 

 

6 days 18 hours ago
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Viki87:

Yes Viki, it has something to do with family education...... a complete lack of empathy for others, especially subordinates.

 

The real story is when I was giving the sales  assistant girl trainning, she's being very disrespectful, arguing with me, complain about me behind.

 

Repeadtly not come to me for work problem, everytime I have to go ask her work.  she's doing those again and again.

 

What's wrong for me to get mad and criticize her then? She'll be fired if she's in a more professional company.

 

6 days 8 hours ago
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6 days 20 hours ago
 
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If u want a serious answer,,  I would say that most people with jobs have to go thru something like this. Being nice to someone higher up the Totem Pole, being nice to a customer even when you aren't in the mood, being nice to a customer even though they are being mean,ugly,rude to you.  It's something we all go through, including myself.  So, what to do about it?  I try to remember/pretend that I am just playing a 'Role', like a Hollywood actor, so even if I'm not that outgoing by nature, I will put on an Act in certain work situations.  Work ends, and I cast off the costume.

Viki87:

That's I am doing actually. I don't usually answer what's on my head.

 

 

6 days 19 hours ago
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6 days 19 hours ago
 
Posts: 165

Minor Official

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Viki, 

look at the way you have treated your subordinates in this company.

Your boss's wife is treating you with the same lack of respect.

 

i am not really surprised i have to spell this out because it shows how Chinese people lack of empathy for others. 

 

Has anyone ever know a Chinese person NOT to ask such intrusive or personal questions to gratify their prurient curiosity and claimed that it is only because they care

This can not have been the first time a boss or his wife has asked these questions to you, so why are you pretending to be so surprised?

 

this is Chinese 'culture'

Viki87:

The real story is when I was giving the sales  assistant girl trainning, she's being very disrespectful, arguing with me, complain about me behind.

 

Repeadtly not come to me for work problem, everytime I have to go ask her work.  she's doing those again and again.

 

What's wrong for me to get mad and criticize her then? She'll be fired if she's in a more professional company.

5 days 23 hours ago
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6 days 18 hours ago
 
Posts: 2065

Shifu

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I had a girlfriend explain that part of Chinese culture to me once. She worked in an office with probably dozens of people and the usual nasty gossiping,bitchiness, back stabbing, petty jealousy etc.

 

The way she explained it, questions or comments like that usually have meaning beyond the actual words and it's usually vindictive. It's rubbing other people's noses in the fact that they have something you don't and so they are therefore 'better'.

 

So, if someone asks why aren't you married? The actual meaning is ...Oooooh, so you're not married yet.....  I am (smirk) . I'm better than you. I'm probably jealous of something you have but putting others down makes me feel better, so....

 

As a Chinese woman I'm sure you understand the part of the culture that makes people feel the need to conform to society's expectations, and the joy people get at gloating at and bullying anyone who doesn't conform in some way.

 

 

 

 

Viki87:

That would be the last time for me to work for a Chinese company. They put other things ahead work.

 

Too tiring to deal all those guanxi, and many shits.

 

Why not simply get the the fucking work done?

 

If I am the boss, I will require a performance instead of all those shits.

I really want to leave this stupid company but the boss hold my salary.

6 days 15 hours ago
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Viki87:

The three girls kept chatting nonworking stuff loudly and one even playing music in the office. It made me very hard to concentrate. The girls didn't shut up and even argued with me saying that I won't be influenced if I work that hard.

 

I told them to lower their voice and try to keep a more quiet office environment. They just don't shut the fuck up. Then I went to tell the boss and he wants me to keep a good relationship with them.

 

I feel so fed up with Chinese company, unprofessional. The boss's business isn't so great because he cares other stuffs more than an employee actually do the work.

 

It's a wrong choice to come to work for company likes that, I should just never go to work for a Chinese company. Full of shits.

 

 

 

 

6 days 15 hours ago
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Stiggs:

Wait, you STILL haven't been paid?

 

Did you get an answer why? How long do you intend working somewhere that doesn't pay you, because if they do you'll leave?

6 days 14 hours ago
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Viki87:

Today the boss told me he'll send me money, but still he didn't do it.

 

I really don't like this company, mainly because girls there trash the working enviroment like talking very loudly. A company stands that is just unprofessional. I tried to quit for twice but couldn't get approved. I don't have a good relationship with girls here, I don't like working here.

6 days 10 hours ago
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Stiggs:

I don't understand why you think you need your boss to approve you leaving.

 

How is it his decision? You didn't join the army or get sent to prison.

 

Vicki. You're in a job you don't like in what sounds like a joke of a company, you don't like anyone you work with and they don't pay you.

 

And your boss says you're not allowed to leave?

6 days 4 hours ago
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dom87:

what does you get to think it will be better in a foreign owned company?

a) many wfoe have 99% chinese staff and even a gm that is chinese

b) the wfoe that have a foreigner as gm still has almost exclusively chinese employees

 

to avoid chinese colleagues you can only go abroad

5 days 21 hours ago
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Viki87:

@Stiggs Seem like the boss will only pay me after I reached one month of working here. I have worked here for 33 days.

 

Payment:

 

Looks like the boss will only pay after one month of working her. I have worked here for 33 days. Yesterday he told me he's going to pay me but then never heard about that again. lol

 

There's my sales situation. 

 

The products are customized and it takes long time to get sales done. The two customers promised me the order still haven't placed me orders. I feel very pressured now for not getting any sales order after being working here for a month and this Chinese boss kept asking me when the customer will place order. And I have this three monthes probation, I am not sure if I can make it.

 

Speaking of profession

 

This company just not on the list. Unorganized, noisy, and not delicate when comes to do the job. I suggested and helpped setting up company emails and I organized the product pictures to put in diffrent folders.,etc. 

 

The girls kept talking loudly, play music. I told them to be quiet so I can concentrate. The girls never stopped and kept the drama on. One even argued with me for saying that I could get influenced because I didn't work hard enough. Unbelieveable. I told the boss and he said he would speak to that girl who aganist me for being noisy. But the boss still tell me to try to get along with them. I just can't, really. Those girls are just some people you can't understand the basic work ethics.

 

Recruitment: 

 

I'm given the authority to interview new international sales, so I start giving English interview to candidates on the phone. Then I found none of them can communicate in English well. So I didn't take anyone. The boss told me to not recruit sales by my standard and he said I can get someone who can't speak English well even. He said I could go meet customers on behalf of company if it's necessary. Jesus. Can't believe in his mindset. I found it exteenemely ridiculous.

 

Office relationship:

 

The three girls hate me, but as everyone suggested, I tried to be manager and still trained this sales assistant girl as my duty. Many said that I treated this girl bad with my little power. But another side of the story is that she showed disrespect to my trainning and complained about me behind me at the beginning and kept not deliver good work performance. Then I started to criticize her in front of everyone.

 

His business situation: One sales girl has worked here for two years are leaving in two weeks, and the sales assistant girl is inexperienced. He recognized I am the best here in this situation. So he refused my resignation and persuaded me to stay in this job. 

I have this soft heart, actually I was also trying to help him out a bit when he didn't have enough sales to do the job, that's one of the main reason I stayed. 

 

Do I like this job?

 

Yes, I do, I have passion for my job. But I don't like the company culture and the way they run business-unprofessionally.

5 days 19 hours ago
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Viki87:

The sales girl's performance: I told her many many times to CC her emails to me and send me the project form. Usually she just didn't do it. My boss just wanted me to train her and keep an eye on her work to help her do better work. So she reports her work to the boss directly. She's following my boss's old customers, her main focus isn't business development. So not really under my supervision, I am more like a trainer now. Based on her performance, I really wanna get her fired. But I don't have the authority to fire her. And the boss thinks she's fine and wants to keel her. But the boss knows shit about business management to my opinion. She's really not worth my effort for trainning. Why train someone who don't even want to be trained and not do what I told? Maybe I'll start to not train her and not check out her work to help her.

5 days 19 hours ago
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6 days 16 hours ago
 
Posts: 12196

Emperor

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You could teach your people how to post and ask Qs here ....surprise, so we would get some diversity on our 'tits-Board'.

 

Look lady, I will call Internet police on you, if you don't stop shitting this Board! Ming bai? 

 

I have foking stomach ulcer just 'cause I log on daily here ... and-o in China there's no other place to go ....

 

I am going to get your IP address and I will suffocate you: 'plastic-bag-over-your-head-tied'!

 

Go pick some mushrooms in the forest! Please!

Hotwater:

Isn't your rant a case of the pan calling the kettle black? I'd rather read Vicky's crap than ZH c&p

4 days 11 hours ago
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icnif77:

I feel sorry for the Earth, if she finds satisfaction to constantly post that retarded drive on foreigners web site.

 

I am a bit different, mind you! I c&p posts/articles from more than 20k-clicks-per-article-per-day web site.

However, that is Stock Market traders website, and I understand your anxiety, but if you would be versed into it, you could make money of suggestions there.

So, I might want to put few Rmb into your pocket free of charge, but most of the posters here 'no ming bai' 'Zero's charts, what is OK with me. I like to stare into charts, what most of the normal people hate/find annoying.

I mean, I am not showing bad intentions with c&p off 'Zero'!

In order to prevent complains and nagging on my written Englo, I'd rather c&p than 'describe' what blogger said like I said or I think that! Do you think, it would be very difficult for me to describe an article and claim 'I'm so smart!' here instead honestly c&p?

Now, this broad should be locked-up ... I'll write letter to Xi ('s secretary) these days .... about this BS we have to endure here. She's on foking duty. Not even mentally impaired in Club's hospital don't have such Qs drive!

We could maybe pull some raincoats and buy her the biggest sybian in the Wide-or-Tide-World ..... without Internet connection, of horse.

4 days 11 hours ago
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3 days 19 hours ago
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icnif77:

How did you know?

I must cover puter's  webcam, buTT.... first, I must get right tape off my Wally.

 

all rocks melted, while I was busy replying .... got to go back to Einar prompt! 

3 days 19 hours ago
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4 days 12 hours ago
 
Posts: 1063

Governor

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PRC is filled to the brim with low lives and abusers asking you loaded questions. 

 

The title question is valid and significant. First, recognize they are pretending to be concerned about your happiness. What is China famous for? Deceitful fakes!!! They are attempting to destroy it, ie the exact opposite.  The attacker,  in this case, thinks she can abuse you because she is your boss's wife, in other cases, the older low lives use their age,  ie seniority, to grill you. Still yet in other cases, within the same age group, or younger low lives, it is jealousy which is a big part of dalu low lives' life, spanning the entire life, mind you,  or simply the warmonger who can't miss an opportunity when they see someone superior.

 

If you really want to bury them 6 ft under, you need to discover their source of power, and nuke it there.

 

Most of the time, with old psychos, a simple counter loaded question, 'you want another cultural revolution?', or 'why do you miss the cultural revolution so much?'  would do. 99% it works because deep inside it is the truth; these psychos are the psychos of the cultural revolution. It is safe to bet most mainlanders above 50, and their children are psychotic. Grill them, watch their face, enjoy.

 

Once you get the gist the rest is easy.  What did your psychiatrist say about your progress?  Why don't you keep educating yourself?  Why didn't your parents teach you basic manners? 

 

There is no standard answer as you can see.  Prevention is best. You spot rabies inflicted dogs and put them down before they open their mouth, that's all I can say. The difficult part is chinese rabies inflicted dogs often befriend you first with their fake faces before they bite. The moron ones have it written all over their face, depressed, angry, greyish aura...etc... fill the streets while the smarter ones conceal their aggression with a unnatural grin.  

 

Viki87:

You are classy, I like you.

3 days 23 hours ago
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earthizen:

Thanks. Hope the info helps. 

3 days 2 hours ago
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3 days 23 hours ago
 
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Answer of the DayMORE >>
A: That would be an awful experience. I would call your embassy asap
A:That would be an awful experience. I would call your embassy asap, they might be able to suggest something or give you a temporary replacement or something. I'm sure they would have seen this before.You may also need something from the PSB to say that you still have a valid visa in order to leave the country. Do you at least have a copy of your visa and passport front page, or can you get one?  If you have been working here your employer would probably have copies. In the mean time, turn the place upside down trying to find your passport.Good luck mate.   -- Stiggs