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Q: How was it transitioning back to the United States?
How did it feel to be back in the US after your long stay in China? For those who come back with Chinese wives, how did they take to their new home? Was it hard for them to find employment?
Felt awesome at first. I was pucking glad to be back.
Then, as time went on, I began to miss China a LOT. My wife as well. But we both agree that raising children in America is a billion times better than in China.
Not gonna lie, going from a really great city in China with a great job, to a rural area in America with very few jobs was, and still is, very stressful. When I graduate or go to medical school, then we can get out of here... otherwise, we're stuck until then.
Nessquick:
I have a chance get a good job back home, in Prague. salary can support all of us there. Have the chance get small house in small village just beside German borders, open small restaurant , and make our life. I have almost no chance to get job now in shanghai. I am not willing to stay here. my wife know i want go back. she say yes, and no. while she see our move from china now almost unavoidable, start to demand things, like keep some 30k-50k rmb for her parents as money for medical bills and so on. She say her plder brother would not care about them so much.
The current status is, that ex-boss did not pay the salary plus 2 years commision, which he is not likly to pay anyway, and our savings are now just enough for airtickets and some time living in czech until my first salary.
She insist we stay here, make more money and than we move. She still miss the thing,. that this is not my homecountry and I can go to/ not allowed/ in McDonald wash dishes at night and to car repair shop in daytime to support them with food and so on, like at home I am allowed to do...
I truly understand her mean, but this is not acceptable, we will be stuck in the circle, that I will be illegal overstay visa here and without money. This I want avoid, but I have no luck to find new job.
How can I talk with her ?>
just leave with our son, let she come by herself, when she decide ?
royceH:
Yeah mate, that's a tough situation. Do you know for sure that the restaurant thing is a goer? Do have experience at that caper?
Can you ask her to give a move back to your country a chance...a real chance. At least a committment of several years. Can she speak Czech? Or English?
You're in a tough spot and I wish you well.
Nessquick:
Yeah, i have experiences. But on other side, I really can get job there. so easily. just go to any tesco and work in warehouse, if the last...
She can talk english good, and a bit czech. She would like to go , but she when it comes so close, she block herself and start talk about parents, who will care about them and so on ... f@ck, who will care about us if things go wrong ?
Hulk:
You just gotta keep talking about it. Eventually, she'll give in.
She needs to know you're serious. As for money, well... there isn't much you can do about that right now. My wife never asks me for anything like that, so I can't relate. She doesn't mind being poor.
Robk:
Hey Nessquick,
The problem is that Chinese are raised to expect the children to look after them. That's why parents prefer Chinese marry locals (I mean within the same city/village) so they won't move away and can take care of them when they get older.
Chinese have had this programmed into their brains (especially the daughters/women/daughters-in-law) and it is hard to get around. It's the guilt... Chinese control each other through guilt, humiliation and fear. So the best thing to do is talk to her brother and get him and his wife to promise to talk care of the parents. Leave some money (if you can afford it) for medical expenses and promise to fly her back if they need her help.
Also, that you will send some money to help... (you can lie about some of this just to get her in your country first).
You just need to ease her mind so she doesn't feel guilty. Parents can control Chinese from across the world with guilt. Of course there is love as well, but the control comes from guilt.
Well, here is how it broke down for me.
For the first few weeks I was so incredibly happy to be home. Then things like needing to find work started to bring me back down to earth. However, once my wife and I got jobs and moved out of my aunts house things started to look up. My wife still misses her family, and some ot the things she was used to in China, but out future is much brighter here, or at least it doesnt seem to be an expat teaching dead end. That said, the thing to remember is that your starting your life over again. Dont expect things to come together right off the bat.
