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Q: Issues with dating Chinese from higher or lower social strata?
I have no direct experience with this (yet), but I'm concerned about issues that could/will arise if a foreigner dates a Chinese girl or guy that is from either a much higher or much lower social strata (I've seen my fair share of cute fuwuyuan). Does anyone have any experiences with this (prove me right or wrong) that they can share?
For that matter, what is the "equivalent" social strata of Chinese for most foreigners here?
11 years 20 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Not sure if the risk of golddiggers is higher or lower in any of those groups. But since you ask, maybe you have a problem with it.
NiceBrice:
No problem with it. I just tend to over-think things. Sorry for any offense caused.
I've just seen a lot of people on here talking about various issues with Chinese GF/BF and wondered if this "social strata" thing plays a part in it.
Scandinavian:
I think my wife and me both come from the same strata. It is not a friction free relationship but as I read it, most peoples problems are not as much to do with social differences rather than cultural. Chinese culture is just so different, those who are not open to differences are those who have problems. In my own experience both have to make compromises, where problems arise are on the subjects where none of us are willing to compromise.
When you meet a girl you like, don't assume anything. Talk about everything, e.g. does her parents expect a dowry, does she think children should use diapers, politics, religion, traffic safety, mountain climbing, how to ride a bike. Anything can be different and if you expect things to be like you assume, you will be in for a nasty surprise. Be open to the differences.
It will not matter much to your foreign friends in China as to which social strata as you write that she comes from. However, you would be really surprised to learn and to hear how the Chinese talk about things like this : one of the teachers that used to work with us was involved with a woman deemed by the professional class (not by me) to be of a lower strata and he was privileged to receive all kinds of rather rude remarks from them about her. In the end, it rather helped to destroy the relationship.
I find Chinese to be rather judgmental, more so than people back in the states. Status is extremely important. If you are someone important or have money, people tend to treat you well and if not you are pretty much ignored by everyone. As far as dating a girl goes its really hard to say how much influence it has. If you find a girl from a well to do family or one holding a high position in society she might not care much about your status but you will probably end up having a hard time to fit with her friends/family. I say this from my own personal experience. Don't know what it would be like if you dated a girl from a lower social strata though.
My wife is from a very poor area. Here family were very nice. I think also that, because my wife is pretty modern, she knows how to hide us from their BS. I've not been asked for money or anything by any of them.
Scandinavian:
that is an excellent point. social status is less important than how modernized the person and family is. the very traditional families might be more tricky.
