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Q: Personal bubble anyone?
so this afternoon during my gu zheng class, i am practicing the song that my teacher just taught me, and i had just pulled my hair to one side because it was warm in the room and all of a sudden, mid-song, my teacher starts lightly touching the back of the neck and asks me (in chinese) - "is this real? will it rub off?" now it takes me a moment to realize the hell she's talking about - my new tattoo! so i tell, as nicely as i can, yes its real, no, it won't rub off. to this replies: "so, it'll be there for the rest of your life? so strange...ok, back to playing!" it took all my will-power not to ask: "oh, buy its perfectly normal to just start touching back of your students neck?" it was both funny and annoying. she's lucky it all healed now, or i would have been pissed!
i'm sure you all have had your fair share of one's personal bubble being ignored (invaded) - any that really annoyed you? or made you laugh?
My personal Bubble always gets bursted on the subway. Too many people around my personal bubble space. It gets annoying but I can deal with it sometimes! .
He he, I said: "bubble"!
For the first half of your post I thought that your teacher was male, and that made it somewhat more creepy.
Some of my students tell me there are a lot of male Chinese teachers like that - they touch their female students' arms, necks, hair, and sometimes faces (!) in class. Students have no recourse to complain.
Anyway - Yes, I have had many similar experiences.
My first week in China, I was on a public bus. A teenage boy (About 16 I guess) sat next to me. He was staring intently at my face (at this time I still got a kick out of being the centre of attention, so that was cool). Then he started playing with the hair on my forearms. Gently pulling it.
hell chinese teachers are allowed to rape their students so maybe you should wear a hairy neck thing
I conducted a personal experiment once. I was standing in a train and a cute girl was sitting in the seat my hand was resting on, so that my hand was touching the back of her neck. She seemed not to mind it being there so I decided to take it a step further. I slowly started moving my index finger, thereby "stroking" the back of her neck. She did nothing. I thought she might get afraid, so I moved my hand. She quickly followed my hand to the new place, so I resumed my playful stroking. She never moved or looked directly at me and even allowed me to stroke her shoulder... It was both the weirdest and the sexiest thing I ever experienced on a train.
crimochina:
honestly i had a similar experience but this girl must have been 16 or 15. i did not touch her!!!! standing on a crowded bus , i had to stand a little bit angled. this girl had her elbow on the pole in front of me but she was leaning straight into and on me (my front area). i force whoever was behind me to give an inch and she leaned further back into me. texting away on her phone while my boner is pressing up against her backside.
women in this country are programmed to be willing victims. it is sad when you think of what makes them that way, it starts in the home
xinyuren:
Young girls are more open these days. Just last week a girl wanted to take a kissing picture with me. Have you heard of this? She wanted to kiss me full on the lips for the camera. I thought I'd never see that in China.
I have often had people pulling at the hairs on my arms and chest, without being invited to.
(my comment function isnt working)
if it has been a male teacher who had done this, you can be damn sure my reaction would have been very different and swift - no way in hell would i let some guy get away with touching me without my permission.
isnt it funny how at first the attention is cool, but quickly becomes bothersome, not to mention rude and creepy at times?
xinyuren - your experiment intrigues me. im sure if that had happened else where it probably would have stopped quickly. at least the whole invading personal space goes both way! not sure if thats good or bad...
Strangers touching strangers?
That would creep me out, be it male or female.
Thankfully, my personal 'bubble' space is still quite large. But that does not stop a LOT of staring and many photo's being taken.
It appears to depend on the city.
In a foreign country you simply must learn to accept where they (your hosts) establish your 'bubble' limitations.
It's not about you and what you decide. (although Westerners are now taught its all about them, their feelings, what rules they make for themselves).
No, the rule is established by your host culture.
To be clear - that doesn't mean there are 'no limits'. It means you don't get to set them.
And its not easy.
Listen, I once lived in a relatively small town in Scotland and it was difficult for me to understand the people there (who arguably were snobby) but they took my Canadian friendliness as an 'invasion of their personal space'. Their culture didn't accept a stranger chatting them up so 'personally'. It's almost like they were 'assaulted' by it. So I modified my 'limits'.
Conversely, I remember being invited to a Greek home. Apparently, Greek people feel its excellent to not only man-handled, hug but constantly feel you, squeeze you, this is 'their bubble rules'.
It was not for me to establish the 'bubble rules for them'. I had to accept Uncle Petros is going to bear hug me and that's the acceptable limit.
And yes I understand the OP. I've been there. I've figured out certain ages (teen boys maybe) do seem to think they can physically touch or that seemingly anyone can stare at you from 3 feet away lol... but (within reason) I am learning to accept THEIR 'bubble rules' apply here. Not mine.
