By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: A question for the self-edifiers????
Sorry for interrupting the life-affirming self-edification you've been ejaculating all over the site, but after seeing how you've taken life by the horn, I can't help but want to do the same! Please may I take a second out of your rigorous schedule of self-edification in order to, perhaps, help me to ascend from the valleys of ignorance in which I reside and begin the long upwards climb towards the peaks you sit upon, while you watch and guide us all with a spirit of great self-edifying benevolence.
After pondering Salacius' comment directed towards me today, as well as Jleave's interesting sociological questions about allowing oneself to be edified by the Chinese, I realized that I, in fact, have failed to let these beautiful, ancient, and inscrutable people edify me, wasting my unique opportunity in this ,mysterious, fog-over-round-mountains land.
So I thought I would ask your advice on edification by reviewing the English corner I tought this evening. Here's the breakdown:
Setting: About forty Chinese adults, most over the age of 25, one foreigner.
7:00 - Anatomy: Like a symposium of Henry Grays, the students talk vividly about my anatomy, vis. my hair is very brown, my skin is very light, my nose is very big. Some are disappointed because my hair is not blonde and my eyes are not blue. They consider asking the school for a refund or at least a discount. Most of them imagine I can't understand a word they're saying. Most of the are repeat students and have this conversation about my body several times a week.
7:10 - Class settles down enough for me to say hello.
7:11-7:25 - Uproarious laughter. Occasionally the laughter starts to die down, but then one of the students screams 'HALLU' and it starts up again.
7:26 - Some of the students are new so I decide to give a short self introduction and ask them to do the same.
7:28 - One of the students screams, "MY HOBBY IS I LIKE-A MAKE-A MONEYYYYYY"
7:29-7:35 - Uproarious laughter.
7:36 - One of the new students asks, "FOREIGNER VERY RICH! YOU HAVE............ IPHOOOOOOOONE?" He says the last syllable over the course of about thirty seconds, raising three octives in the process, ending in a shrill falsetto. I answer, "No." And show him my phone.
Trouble has started and I regret my answer immediately. The class goes completely silent and my interlocutor's face contorts in a way that could only be described as "god-mocking." His eyes crinkle in what appears to be genuine physical pain, and his mouth opens as wide as possible in a perfect "O" shape. He looks like an inflatable sex doll that's been told she only has a month to live. He manages to oink out a tortured, "WHYYYY?" I say, "I don't want one."
7:37 - 7:46 - The class begins another vivid and enraged discussion in Chinese. Some insist I'm a madman, others insist I'm a fool. Others wonder if there's some sort of fashion secret I am keeping to myself to their detriment. No one takes my explanation at face value. None of them realize that I can understand every word they're saying because if I speak Chinese at work I get a 50 yuan fine. Even though my Chinese isn't great, I can follow the Chinese perfectly because I've heard this same conversation about a thousand times now.
7:47 - As tensions run dangerously high, one brave man screams, "TEACHER I GO ...
7:48-7:50 "DOUBLE-UUUUUUUU CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
7:51-7:59 - Uproarious laughter ends the class. The student didn't really need to go to the WC, he just wanted to restore the harmonious society that I had corrupted by saying I didn't want an iPhone.
8:00 - Several students order me to go drink "Chinese White Wine" with them at a "Bar". I decline politely. They immediately run to my boss and demand that I be more outgoing.
Now clearly I am dealing with an inscrutable race of philosopher kings. But when searching my soul for ways to let the Chinese edify me, I am at a loss: how can I use an experience which is so far beyond my primitive thinking make me a better person? Can my monkey brain even wrap itself around such profound and subtle thoughts???
To those edified super-geniuses wandering around the site scolding everyone else, please, I bow on my knees: lead me down the path of edified enlightenment.
Damn!
My English corner sessions are usually limited to "Where are you from, why arent you married, do you want a Chinese wife, do you like Chinese food, what places have you visited, what is your favorite color...?."
This is why I don't want to know Chinese. If I knew what they were saying about me I would be in jail right now.
I don't have to plan or run English corner. The students do that themselves. They try to start with introductions but everybody talks so you can't hear it anyway. Usually one of them prints out 5 sayings, they practice, then try to make up a funny conversation that uses all of them (even though they'd never be used that way in real life). Then they want to play some sort of game, but I don't think they find it very fun. It's every other week, and I go because it is required of me. This last time I just chatted with some of my students who didn't want to join in, but they don't really need me anyway. It's from 6-7:30 on Friday. A lot of people come, but maybe that's because I go, I don't know. Maybe I'm not a good English teacher for English corner, but if my students go, then I guess it isn't so bad. Sometimes they are pretty creative and make me laugh.
I finally understand why kchur is so pissed all the time. I'd have gone crazy by now if it was me.
You misunderstood my point completely, Kchur. I wasn't arguing you were wrong, I was arguing that your current situation (which, judging by your florid, yet entertaining account, sounds like you teach in a mental institution) taints ALL your views on China.
No doubt, there's a lot to complain about (a quick look at my posted questions will make it abundantly clear I'm not "sitting atop any peaks"). God knows this country has (too) many problems. And yes, this Answers board can be used to vent about such things. But you, just like nevermind, have taken it to extremes. Without fail, your posts have descended from simple anger to hate-filled, rabid frothing (sometimes also stooping to the generalizing racism you yourself are victim of).
Your personal situation is evidently intolerable; you've made the right decision to leave, and I sincerely wish you more happiness in the future. I mean that.
I may have missed it before, but what lovely city are you conducting these english corners in? I'm not a teacher...but it almost sounds entertaining if I could find one to attend 
cooter:
Crazy. I always have a good time in Hangzhou. Definitely less random "hello's", "laowai's", and death stares than I'm used to...
HAHAHA man that is funny, really put a smile on my face his morning!
Wow, where do you live? Those people sounds like total retards, im so gald im nto a nenglish teacher, all the chinese i associate with at work seem to be very nice people and genuienlu understand that learning english will further their career. They are mostly young country folk, some in their first jobs, they seem miles away from those tards!
Goodluck!
For me, China lost ALL its charm the moment I was able to speak the language and understand it.
Seriously, learning Chinese is like opening Pandora's box...
GuilinRaf:
It reminds me of Chevy Chase's "European Vacation" when they are eating at the French restaurant and the waiter is saying nasty things to them but with a really nice, friendly smile. And they stupidly smile back and laugh.
I have no doubt that I make the SAME mistake every week. ONCE in a while they say something too obvious that even I catch it, but the rest of the time....
