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Q: What am I gonna do?
I am at 30 Chinese age now, my mom is so worrying that I will end up alone after she and my Dad passed away.
So she always talk with me for finding a bf to get married soon.
But I didn't meet someone we like each other. So I remainsingle.
I appreciate that my mom cares about me but everytime she will talk non-stop and repeatedly. I get super annoyed.
I told her that it's good that she cares about me but there's no point to talk things non-stop repeatedly. But she just got
upset and angry while I was trying to communicate with her. She told I didn't want to listen to her. Lol
Not just for the marriage thing, and other things like saving money and she told she worries my future.,etc. Those are caring but talking repeatedly and non-stop.
Really what am I gonna do?
Compare your life to a visit to the casino. Relationships are like gambling, and you start out with a set amount of 'money'.
Early on, you are bound to have decent relationships. You get lucky, you double your money, then the question arises: Do I settle for modest winnings, and go home with what I won? Or do I double down in the hopes of winning even bigger?
If you're still a single woman at 30, you made your choice to keep on gambling for the big win: Mr. Perfect who makes all your dreams reality. Others left the casino long ago, and made something with what they had. They seemed silly to you, leaving so early with only meager winnings. You scoffed them for playing it safe. But you are gambling on borrowed time, and the likelihood that the wait is going to pay off favourably is becoming increasingly slimmer. Your mom is one of the debtors, awaiting a grandchild. But you are determined to see your plan through to the end; the sacrifice can not be in vain. This puts mega pressure on whoever becomes your chosen partner, leading to arguments and high chance of breakup.
I'm similar to you, in that I didn't seriously look for a partner until I was almost 30, and I was picky. But it worked out OK in the end. But I am a man; we remain fertile into geriatric age, and although geriatric-nubile marriages aren't too common, the fact that it's biologically possible reassures us.
Women rarely have healthy babies over 40. Even over 25, giving birth is difficult. You may have been reassured by male partners that relaxing, wasting your time and fooling around is OK, but for your 'dynasty' it is better to take on a more womanly role, because you are not a man. Date serious men, don't let them waste your time, because it ticks away faster for you than for them.
Viki87:
I tried to compromise, trying to not too picky and meet some short men. they are nice but there's a problem. I just don't feel attracted to them at all.
I am a bit too picky which is the fact. The guy who wants me doesn't attract me. The guy I want don't feel I am interesting, they seem picky as hell, they want to share same interest, they don't go for compromise.
Viki87:
I don't do sports, I can't dance, I don't really know drinks much, I don't like rap, I don't know artist much, I don't know much about the movies.
while guys ask me whats my favoriate movie, my favoriate music, movie.,etc. I don't have all of them.
Sometimes I start thinking if I am really that boring for most white guys?
kasuka91:
"I don't sports, I can't dance, I don't really know drinks much, I don't like rap, I don't know artist much, I don't know much about the movies." Ahh, not trying to be disrespectful, but this sounds like most Chinese women here in terms of expectations vs reality and dating mindset vs the reality of the relevant dating market. To some extent, Vicki's attitude does also illustrate the difference between the male and female approach to courting. As a young man, there was once a time when I was really down on my luck in the lady department, with me needing to go back to the drawing board. I worked out more and got into better shape, starting becoming better groomed shopped for better quality, more fashionable clothes, learnt how to dance, all the while doing more to play to my strengths. If you want that guy then do what you can to work with the demands of the market. Don't render yourself helpless by stating that you can't dance, do sports etc. How about using all of the time you normally invest into complaining on this forum into LEARNING how to dance and taking up a new sport? Take genuine action to help yourself.
Viki87:
Thanks for the advice. But what if I just don't feel crazy about dance, sport, music.,etc
I am more into developing a business, read a book, travel a bit.
Do I have to go learn things not I really feel crazy about it because men pursue women have those sort of Interest?
kasuka91:
Hmmm, sometimes you have to. Along with that, also play to your strengths. If developing a business is what really gets you then perhaps attend local workshops, associations and networking events related to this? That way you can meet likeminded individuals whose interests complement yours. Read more books about different entrepreneurs; just like in business, sometimes a passing interest/expertise is not good enough on its own, you need to focus on developing your USP, then highlight how it can be of value to others. Once you catch on to this, you'll always have others (including guys) wanting to interact with you, and more interactions lead to more opportunities for sth more to happen.
Viki87:
Haha looks good to give a try to meet business guys. Looks like there's a same business interest there.
Cool idea. Man high five.
Viki87:
I dress very fashionable already. Evening dress, Qipao, short skirt, Spanish tight business dress.,etc.
I'd say grow up. Stop thinking about who's gonna take care of you, keep taking care of yourself. Believe me when I say marriages are not what they were20 years ago. Marriage might make your life worse. Why? Because your doing it to be saved.
Compare your life to a visit to the casino. Relationships are like gambling, and you start out with a set amount of 'money'.
Early on, you are bound to have decent relationships. You get lucky, you double your money, then the question arises: Do I settle for modest winnings, and go home with what I won? Or do I double down in the hopes of winning even bigger?
If you're still a single woman at 30, you made your choice to keep on gambling for the big win: Mr. Perfect who makes all your dreams reality. Others left the casino long ago, and made something with what they had. They seemed silly to you, leaving so early with only meager winnings. You scoffed them for playing it safe. But you are gambling on borrowed time, and the likelihood that the wait is going to pay off favourably is becoming increasingly slimmer. Your mom is one of the debtors, awaiting a grandchild. But you are determined to see your plan through to the end; the sacrifice can not be in vain. This puts mega pressure on whoever becomes your chosen partner, leading to arguments and high chance of breakup.
I'm similar to you, in that I didn't seriously look for a partner until I was almost 30, and I was picky. But it worked out OK in the end. But I am a man; we remain fertile into geriatric age, and although geriatric-nubile marriages aren't too common, the fact that it's biologically possible reassures us.
Women rarely have healthy babies over 40. Even over 25, giving birth is difficult. You may have been reassured by male partners that relaxing, wasting your time and fooling around is OK, but for your 'dynasty' it is better to take on a more womanly role, because you are not a man. Date serious men, don't let them waste your time, because it ticks away faster for you than for them.
Viki87:
I tried to compromise, trying to not too picky and meet some short men. they are nice but there's a problem. I just don't feel attracted to them at all.
I am a bit too picky which is the fact. The guy who wants me doesn't attract me. The guy I want don't feel I am interesting, they seem picky as hell, they want to share same interest, they don't go for compromise.
Viki87:
I don't do sports, I can't dance, I don't really know drinks much, I don't like rap, I don't know artist much, I don't know much about the movies.
while guys ask me whats my favoriate movie, my favoriate music, movie.,etc. I don't have all of them.
Sometimes I start thinking if I am really that boring for most white guys?
kasuka91:
"I don't sports, I can't dance, I don't really know drinks much, I don't like rap, I don't know artist much, I don't know much about the movies." Ahh, not trying to be disrespectful, but this sounds like most Chinese women here in terms of expectations vs reality and dating mindset vs the reality of the relevant dating market. To some extent, Vicki's attitude does also illustrate the difference between the male and female approach to courting. As a young man, there was once a time when I was really down on my luck in the lady department, with me needing to go back to the drawing board. I worked out more and got into better shape, starting becoming better groomed shopped for better quality, more fashionable clothes, learnt how to dance, all the while doing more to play to my strengths. If you want that guy then do what you can to work with the demands of the market. Don't render yourself helpless by stating that you can't dance, do sports etc. How about using all of the time you normally invest into complaining on this forum into LEARNING how to dance and taking up a new sport? Take genuine action to help yourself.
Viki87:
Thanks for the advice. But what if I just don't feel crazy about dance, sport, music.,etc
I am more into developing a business, read a book, travel a bit.
Do I have to go learn things not I really feel crazy about it because men pursue women have those sort of Interest?
kasuka91:
Hmmm, sometimes you have to. Along with that, also play to your strengths. If developing a business is what really gets you then perhaps attend local workshops, associations and networking events related to this? That way you can meet likeminded individuals whose interests complement yours. Read more books about different entrepreneurs; just like in business, sometimes a passing interest/expertise is not good enough on its own, you need to focus on developing your USP, then highlight how it can be of value to others. Once you catch on to this, you'll always have others (including guys) wanting to interact with you, and more interactions lead to more opportunities for sth more to happen.
Viki87:
Haha looks good to give a try to meet business guys. Looks like there's a same business interest there.
Cool idea. Man high five.
Viki87:
I dress very fashionable already. Evening dress, Qipao, short skirt, Spanish tight business dress.,etc.
This is a big dilemma for an increasing number of girls who don't fit the traditional mould. Aunties and parents impose unreasonable pressure on them to get married especially at festival times.
Remember, they grew up in a different time in China and socially, much has changed since the 1970s where their thinking is centred.
Prepare yourself for the inevitable questions and know a movie or two and the other things (baidu can help). Reading is your greatest ally. Know about current world events, books, music trends and movies. You will stand out from the crowd.
And don't touch your phone even if you hear that wechat alert sound.
Above all, relax and be yourself. The guy who doesn't look all that may just make up for it in other ways and be interested in you and not a musical fad.
Viki87:
Thank you. But like the guy I liked want to date a girl likes the same movie.
Even I know a movie of one or two the guy may not like me because not same movie he likes.
I am really a diverse person. I like art and some music but just don't really crazy about those.
In another way I am into commercial development in business feild, I sort of feeling excited in building up business. Probally not something a lot of white guys seek on a potential gf.
I like read a novel to feel the beautiful of those words the writer used. Back to campus year, I was a good writer.
I like traveling to diffrent places to explore, not afraid of getting on a plane to go explore a place I have never been.
I think I am adventurous, I actually like this part of myself though.
I have the wild part, can just dance in the club even I don't really know real professional dance. But who gave a fuck on how to dance while you are in club.
I am not fan of drinking. But I still like order a glass of red wine to let the wild liquid flows into my body to burn my blood. Getting a bit drunk looking wild and fun. Probally I am creating my own fantasy.
Sure you donkey ass.
