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Q: What is wrong with these people?
So, today I found out why my Chinese GF of f four years, who I supported financially when times were tough and took on numerous trips around the world and in China, had been ignoring my calls for the past two months. She got promoted to deputy principal at her school and thinks that I as an English teacher do not fit her current status or income expectations. I am teaching as an early retirement job, after making my money in the corporate world, more than she will ever see. The betrayal stings, but I saw it coming
This is not my first experience of the money kind, hence my somewhat rhetorical question. WTF is wrong with these people, have they no shame or sense of doing the right thing for the right reason?
There, got it off my chest, rant over.
8 years 38 weeks ago in Relationships - China
An ugly wake-up call, eh? Well, do a bit of research on the Cultural Revolution. A Chinergook will cut the heart out of his mom, steam it like baozi, and never look back (literally, not figuratively). Sorry dude, u ain't dealing with the Judeo-Christian concept of ethics here. This is a Survive or Die place.
You inter-coursed her; she inter-coursed you. Done deal.
If you saw it coming, and did nothing to stop/prevent it... WTF is wrong with YOU?
Hey I'm not going to put you down, but unless you're blind, you saw it coming a mile away. People can't hide the truth this easily. When red flags pop up like this, you should consider them and be ready to cut your losses and run.
Try to gently bring up the red flags with your supposed woman. Most people with secret plans will reveal them when asked about them. Some people like revealing them.
An ugly wake-up call, eh? Well, do a bit of research on the Cultural Revolution. A Chinergook will cut the heart out of his mom, steam it like baozi, and never look back (literally, not figuratively). Sorry dude, u ain't dealing with the Judeo-Christian concept of ethics here. This is a Survive or Die place.
You inter-coursed her; she inter-coursed you. Done deal.
Ouch, tough break. But if you saw it coming maybe you should have ended it sooner. Plenty of fish in the sea bro.
You're not seen as a person, just as a source of income and social status.
Not all Chinese women see men like this, but it's a cultural aspect that is prevalent.
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place. — Robert Briffault, The Mothers, Vol. I, p. 191
Also.....Hypergamy.
Evolutionary Psychology theory on the instinctual desire of humans of the female sex to discard a current mate when the opportunity arises to latch onto a subsequent mate of higher status due to the hindbrain impetus to find a male with the best ability to provide for her OWN offspring (already spawned or yet-to-be spawned) regardless of investments and commitments made to a current mate.
Way it goes....sorry.
This one's on you. You can't buy a girlfriend. You can buy sex but not a girlfriend. Why take her on trips around the world at your expense? You thought that if you did that she would stay, that is your fault.
You know what I did when I was dating, I would take trips by myself. If she expected me to take her with me and foot the bill I would politely tell her she's my girlfriend not my wife. Learn how to attract girls and keep girls with your personality and ability in the bedroom
Thanks for the input, guys, but there is more to it. I took her on trips, because I enjoy doing it and she did too. At the time there was no such thing as buying her. The thing is, with her new status she has set herself higher expectations and doesnt think I can meet them, but she hasnt broken it off yet, because she doesnt know I know about her new status and expectations. She just started ignoring me, keeping me as a backup just in case she cant find a better prospect
BTW, she is 46 years old, definitely a leftover women and her chances of finding another man is somewhere between zero and f-all. She cannot speak English, so foreigners are virtually out of the question (where she lives there are hardly any anyway) and no Chinese man that meets her financial expectations would rather have a strong 46 year old than a much younger pretty and dumb one.
I feel more sorry for her than myself, it is easy to get a replacement, but she is going to end up lonely and blaming the world, because of greed. I did love her, maybe she wasnt deserving.
Englteachted:
So you are hoping she comes back to you? Stop being a sap. Say whatever you want to try and save face but remember you posted this so why try and save face? It is ok to admit you are heartbroken and weak . This is China, tell her bye and find another.
You have to see that you are coming off as a pathetic loser clinging to any thread of hope. You are a grown ass man for Christ's sake. Act like it.
Oh and if you really did it (take her on trips) simply because you wanted then you would not have mentioned it. Get away from the computer, stop your bitching about her, find your balls, and go have a 3 or foursome in HK (you plus 3 girls).
andyinshenyang:
In that case, wait for her to come back begging and then toss her aside...
And yes, I'm evil!
Break it off with her. Let the leftover woman remain with her parents.
yongge:
Her mother died two months ago. That is what started it all. She used her grieving as an excuse not to contact me.
Karma101:
just a thought, we all agreed how degrading the term "leftover" is for women... I understand Chinese using it, but I hope the foreigners won't.
We were taught to give respect to women, let's just continue doing it...
Traditionally, women marry men with higher social status at the current time, what you were back then is irrelevant
In my early days in China I was dating an older woman, I was 22 at that time and she was 34, though she looked much younger. Past the leftover age no Chinese dude would consider her I suppose.
She had a typical desk job at an investment company. One day she got promoted as office manager and dumped me because dating an English teacher (I was at that time) was below her new standards.
Good, I had no problem getting other women anyway. After a year or so she called asking me to come back, of course I refused. I have heard from common acquaintances that she lost her job after making a bad decision that resulted in the company losing money.
She made a few attempts to get me back, then I never heard from her again, apparently she went back to her hometown, probably unable to secure a new job in the city.
I haven't been in that position (lack of girlfriends...), but a question for you all...
If you've known what they've been up to, and you confront them about it, how do they react? Especially stories like RandomGuy's.
Sorry to hear that, can't be a fun thing to go through.
Best of luck picking up the pieces and moving on.
Lots more fish in the sea, sounds like the typical slave mentality, authoritarian personality that worships those with higher status and shits on anything perceived as lower.
yongge:
Mmm...I think you hit the nail right on the head there, Arty. She has been in an authoritarian position for quite a while, treating lesser people like shit, but her biggest gripe has always been the fact that her friends and peers are doing financially so much better than she is. I guess she now thinks the world is at her feet with her new position.
I have moved on, what really pisses me off is that I was worried sick about her being in what I thought to be a depression, because of her mother's death; turned out she used it as an opportunity to change her life a bit without having the decency to tell me about it. Typical mid life crisis symptoms as well. But I still feel really sorry for her, she is going to get the life she deserves, all alone. She had the good life she wanted in her grasp, she just failed to see it, because of greed.
ScotsAlan:
I have a habit of observing how people I know treat people who work in the service industry ( security guards etc). I have a strong dislike for people who talk down to others, or even worse, act as if they don't exist. It's a major turn off for me.
