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Q: Would you choose someone you really love, or 600,000 Rmb?
Is money more important than love to you, or vice-versa? Would you sacrifice love for 600,000rmb or 600,00rmb for the one you really love? Would you say it's really love if this is even being considered?
10 years 15 weeks ago in Relationships - China
never, i've learned the hard way that money doesn't make you happy. some of my worst moments in life was when money was falling out my ass. i can honestly say i would never give up what i have now. that being said, how did you come up with the number 600,000? seems a little exact, why not say a million? is someone offering you this amount to leave your significant other?!
CARLGODWIN1983:
My fiancee is making a giant leap from China to be with me in the UK. SHe is considering that she would lose that money, and that she couldn't earn it here in the UK. So, she is worried and doubtful.
Englteachted:
Sounds like she is trying to manipulate you into giving her that amount upfront. So it is not a matter of real love. If she really loved you, it would not even have been brought up.
My experience with some of the people here, if you offer them something they want they will act like they do not want it in order try and get you to offer more.
I do not mean any harm, just something to think about. I hope I am wrong.
Scandinavian:
@Eng.
It doesn't have to be that. But if she has e.g. a parent who says she will not inherit an apartment worth 600000 if she leaves for the UK with Carl, then what ?
On the other hand, with that kind of parents, she should leave China. To better give an answer those kinds of details are needed
CARLGODWIN1983:
At the end of this year, she will be eligible to receive 600,000rmb through shares in her company that she works for.She is concerned about giving this up. However, we are already far apart, and if she was to stay for the money, it would be fourteen months that we are apart. I have explained that true lovers should never be apart, and that if she really loves me, there shouldn't be a consideration. That being said, I understand it is serious money. On the flip-side to this point, I say we can earn more than that as a couple in future if we want to, and are willing to put the effort in to do it. As with many on here, I believe love is the most important. You can be rich and lonely, or in love but poor/secure. No-one wants to be lonely, right?
Englteachted:
Honestly, if you are truly in love with her, wait it out. Let her get the money, then she can go to be with you. I must revise by previous thought.
Hakupatasa:
14 months! It is nothing. With my girlfriend, we meet only twice a year. She has been doing PhD in Germany, and I have been working already in two countries. So, once a year she visited me where ever I landed, and once a year I went to Germany. Neither I wanted to live in Germany nor I wanted her to quit PhD because one day she will going to be a professor, which I wanted her to do it.
Starting this spring festival we are going to be together all the time. The point is, if you two are sure that you love each other and few months more separation doesn't affect, then why not to get the money or the share. Sure you may earn it but, that is future which you can't tell. When people say, 'money is nothing compare to love." that is a complete lie. Money is not everything but it is something. If you have no money, I am thousands and thousands percent sure that in this modern age (capitalism), no one will stick around. Love will just fade (There is a reason for everything.) So, I am at your position, then I will discuss with wife. Wait for a year. Try to meet each other as much as possible and let her get that share too. I am sure that will give her mental satisfaction and won't regret in the future. Won't be a issue of fight in the future. Probably she will be loving you more because you let her get something that she was almost at sight to catch.
Good luck
mike695ca:
Seriously. If shes getting a one time payment at the end of the year and wants to stay, let her. Thats a fair amount of cash. If your pressuring her to drop it for you, you are worse than alot of the gold diggers out there. If your so rich that you dont care about that much money than get on a plane a few times and see her.
WCG:
Wait a minute Carl. You just said that she needs to wait 14 months before receiving the money? Um, your original question made it sound like it was a choice between losing her permanently in exchange for 600,000. So, really the two choices are not mutually exclusive! In other words, you can have both, but you're not willing to wait. Hell, the two choices aren't even related dude. Your real question should be, "Can I keep my d*ck in my pants for a year in exchange for 600,000 rmb?" And the answer is yes! Another question your lady should be asking herself is, "Do I really want to move to the UK to be with a guy who obviously knows nothing about making good financial decisions?" Now, if 600,000 rmb (~$100,000 USD) is equivalent to 10% of your annual income, then that's one thing, and you're lucky to find a Chinese woman who's able to make that. But either way, I would be more concerned about your future relationship with this woman. If you're that selfish that you are telling her "it's now or never babe", then I would say that your ultimatums are a tell-tale sign of your lack of dedication and inability to make sacrifices to help build a healthy relationship. Remember, the number one reason why people get a divorce is still financial, or lack of. You must be loaded, because this decision is a "no-brainer" for most of us who make less than 200,000 rmb a year. God, I can't believe you're debating this. You must really be desperate.
Is this a dowry question ?
I think you cannot even buy the most expensive Toyota for 600000. If you offer me that amount for my dog, I would perhaps consider it a little bit, and then say no.
Love over money. Next question ! Nah, seriously, why putting 600 000 RMB and love in the same sentence ? Smells just wrong
friendship and love lasts longer, so love over money every time
Using your explanation as a guide; I would go with the money. I could always find a new love.
If I am working in a field or a location where I earned 100,000$ but I needed to lave said profession/ location in order to be with my love, I would decide to find someone who could fit into my life and plans. One having to give up something in order to be with the other plants the seeds of bitterness.
Going back to your situation. You must ask yourself these 2 questions. What is her salary and profession? Can she work in the same field in your home country? Can she earn the same income? Then it would be incumbent on you to be the bigger person and break it off (make up an excuse). You do not want to feel compelled to stay in the relationship. And every time she is angry with you she will remind you of her sacrifice. To me, it is not worth it. One of the mistakes we often make is thinking that there is only one person for us in the entire world. Even if that were true, who knows for sure that she/ he is the one.
not like 600k is soo much... 2 years working.
I already chose to come to this country for my love and losing everything good back home (not really losing, but can use it while i m here, car, house, friends, fresh air blabla)
come back if you wanna give me 10mio euro for my gf THEN it will be worth a discussion
600,000? Some days i'd swap my wife for a tenner and a packet of cigarettes.
It is natural she'd have some worries about money or security if she decided to leave. What you need to do is help her see the future possibilities. I doubt there is nothing for her to do in England. Talk with her about it, if she's still worried about money then let her go or you come back to be with her. Life is full of choices and options.
Why there is a need to choose between money and love? If my love wants that money from me, then I will definitely choose money. Ciao Bella to her. If someone wants to buy my love with that price tag, then it is like human trafficking. So he/she offering that price should be nailed in the ass. If I demand that money as dowry, then she will leave me and it proves that I would not love her which makes the question useless. Because when I don't love her, then I am not choosing between love and money.
I wouldn't limit myself to a 'choice'. When I get really 'pissed', I usually take everything.
I always find my 'way around', if they 'step on my foot' hard enough.
If you'll get your money, you won't be happy, because you'll miss the girl, and if you choose the girl, you won't be happy because you're broke all the time.
dom87:
the problem is he wont get any money and maybe loses the girl too.
he has to pay the money and maybe can stick with the girl lol
That depends. If the person is the one I really love, but does not love me, I would choose the money. If the one I love also loves me, then of course, would choose HIM/HER. Making money together with the partner is very easy, not alone RMB 600K.
Make her drunk and than it is not so difficult to find out what she is more in: you or your money..
Not much that you can do with 600,000 long term, only invest it, but I have another idea, You and your Wife work together to save this amount of money.. It's not really hard to do in Beijing, Guangzhou, Shanghai and Shenzhen, I've already done this with my wife.. You can do this too..
600,000? She must have a great job. Yes, she's pressuring you for advance payment to secure her future. Only in China. Perhaps her mother told her to get as much money as she can now, then, of course, ask for even more later. She might give the money to her parents, then ask for more. It's all about the Maos here. I guarantee whatever you give you will never see again.
Suppose you give her the money and she disappears? What then? She wants YYY to ensure you'll stay, but what about her? She could fly back to (or stay in China) with 600,000Y. Not a bad deal for her! Oh yea, you know where she lives blah blah guess what happens to the laowai harassing a peaceful Chinese family?
This is not a case of "give me some money to set aside for us", this is a case of "give me money, honey". Tell her she must first repay you whatever savings you'll lose on this move, see what happens.
Short answer: Hell no.
See above comment, people. It's not a dowry. It's the bonus/share-issue that she would lose if she leaves her company to come and be with me
<3. Money is easy to make if you're skilled.
I never found love or knew what it was until I met my wife. Not about to give that up for less than a year's salary in my field.
Hulk:
I agree. I'm working on it now. 
Still got a ways to go, so I hope I get there soon.
OK, I read posts in detail, and:
With your Q, you already take wrong position. Step away from the mirror, and look at the girl: She will share big money with you, and (you're showing with your Q), you are jealous. It is not Q of 'money or love'.
You should come back to China, and help her collect shares and bonus. When in China, you should do all cooking, dishes and laundry. I mean it!
Get yourself work in Public (Primary the easiest) School, so you'll have RP.
You must show her, you're worth of sharing (BIG money in China) with you.
I usually take both, as I told you!
CARLGODWIN1983:
I don't want her money. It's of no interest to me. It's hers though. Thing is, I have been in China for nearly five years and was told to come home by the Chinese Gov, because I had apparently been there too long. Going back is not possible, I feel. For what it's worth, I am also working and working towards getting everything ready for her visa application.
icnif77:
I stand by my advice! 'It is not of interest of me'. It is of interest of her, and as you claim you love her, there shouldn't be Q of 'your interest in her money'. Of course, her money is of your interest. Try again, and come back to China, till she will be able to collect. Then, leave together back to UK! You show your love, when you're willing to sacrifice.
Do you think, she will enjoy herself in foreign country? You could buy an apartment in her home town, so she can always return, if she feels so. That's LOVE!
give her the year to get the money, but you get married now, so you stay here in china on a spouse visa, cash on the side optional for privates and be with her. if she sees you can wait but you want a commitment, your not asking for anything more than a woman would ask for. equal rights, power to the inferior sex, males. lol
Why doesn't she just work remotely?
That's what I do. She can earn money that way and good money too...
This is my newest project : www.thehomefreelancer.com
Just need some skills to work online which you can learn here: www.eclasses.org.
Robk:
There is ALWAYS a way you can get everything you want. You just need to find it. If one method is not working... find another solution.
As for your question... if I had a really strong connection and loved the woman... I would toss that 600k RMB out the window. Money can only buy you happiness if you share it with the ones you love.... it can't make you happy if you have no one to share it with. On the other hand, you can be HAPPY with someone you love and with no money... so you do the math.
stupid question..... love conquers all ..... money is irrelevant
BHGAL:
FYI ... I quit a $100,000+/yr job after 2 years of trying to get my wife to Canada.... best thing I ever did...not my original plan, but sure worked out great....... now live on about 1/3 of that and never been happier...............
That's such a piddly amount of money for a lifetime.
i feel somewhat money also important ,however money cant buy the love ,trust and friendship so its your choice listen deep from your heart if you really love her/him ...
by the way 600,000 not really big money so think before you decide something
