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Q: Are you happy in China?
It's been 3,5 years since my first step on this land.
But recently I have noticed that I am not happy in China as well as outside of it.
Dunno, probably it's coz my country is on war for the last year
But still...everything here feels unreal. Like people coming and going, jobs changing every year, different cities.
Drinking doesnt make sense anymore.
Are you happy here? What does make you feel like that?
I'm happy here because I have a purpose. Many years ago, I promised myself that when the time came, I will start paying forward what I got when I was younger. What better way to do this than to teach? I suppose everyone has their own purpose and direction. Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are in China.
Yes and no, I am happy when I am with my girlfriend who is wonderful, I am happy because South-East Asia is close from Guangdong and there is nothing better than taking a week off to go to the Philippines and relax on the beach, I am happy in my bubble.
But, I don't want to learn, see, hear or smell anymore Chinese "culture", I don't want to make new Chinese "friends", I don't want to deal with the locals anymore and that's why I wear headphones when going out.
Nessquick:
Yep, plus I start grow a goatee
exactly like this smiley . it is wonderful. They think I am Xinjiang ren and the attempts of talk with me have reduced drastically. Yeah.
Eorthisio:
Haha, I usually wear a keffiyeh around my neck as a part of my fashion sense, it's enough to scare them away, they probably think that I am Xinjiangren too, or some Middle Easterner (I am your typical Caucasian, pale white with blonde hair and blue eyes) 
candyyy:
i don't understand . if you don't like chinese and chinese culture.why you spend you life y in a different country which is far away from your own country. I think you should open your heart to konw new people ,if that so you'll be happier to live in this place.
Nessquick:
candyy, I would really like to, really I like people and friends, but every conversation is stupidly same and this first 2-3 minutes make you feel unconfortable and not willing to continue talk with them. than again. and again. You should be very lucky or in another country not to start conversation as : do you like chinese food ? do you buy house here ?
Eorthisio:
Same as Nessquick, when I first came to China I tried really hard to see everything as cultural differences, I tried really hard to open my heart and my mind, I even learned putonghua (standard Mandarin) up to fluent level in order to be able to communicate with locals.
Then I came out of my honeymoon phase and saw the truth, every time I talk with Chinese people it's always the same stupid questions and topics that come in, and it's not because they can't speak much English as almost all of my exchanges with locals are in Chinese, it's just that people always ask the same stupid things and can't talk about anything else than 4 or 5 topics, when I try to switch to common topics (sport for e.g.) that most men in the world like, they switch back to dumb things like "do you like Chinese food?" or "do you like Chinese girls?" and so on as if they really couldn't talk about anything else.
Also people only talk to foreigners to practice their English, too bad for them I am German and my English is not that great, or to get something from you, nobody in China will ever talk with foreigners only because they like the person, it's always to try to make some bucks out of you or to get a free English exchange.
And this is not the same in other Asian countries, I lived in Japan and traveled extensively across Asia, in most places the people are genuinely friendly and don't see you as a free language lesson or a walking ATM.
To answer your question I stay in China because I am making a lot of money here, and because my Chinese girlfriend is wonderful, she's one of the 0.1% Chinese who are not zombies.
WanderingTeacher:
Haha i'm the same way. I avoid meeting talking to new people like the plague. When I'm out, I never stand in one spot for more than 5 seconds, because people see that as some sort of invitation to come try to talk to me. I know some of good intentions, or just want to practice the little English they know, but I'm just not up for it. If you wanna practice your English, I'm gonna need to be paid, plain and simple.
I'll just post link to my recent post in case, you miss it. It might cheer you up!
http://answers.echinacities.com/question/anybody-ever-worked-europe-engl...
Rather than happy, I'm not unhappy here : I love my wife, I enjoy my job and it allows us to live comfortably, Suzhou have places I enjoy. So I don't feel miserable, far from that...
But if I look outside, I see a lot of ugliness, more than I'm used too : society with Chinese characteristics. To be compatible with how things run here, I would have to warp myself to the point that would be renouncement of pretty much everything that makes me who I am. Also, I don't see any future for me here : housing is really expensive while being really bad, education is either very expensive or really subpar, being the laowai for the rest of my days, etc. So I just brace myself and this grinds my soul slowly, making me bitter, misanthropic... With enough time, I might crumble if I stay here, at least, it's how I feel it.
flyingheart:
It's even true for Chinese like me, but how and what can we do about it? Where can we escape to, again?
RiriRiri:
You can get together with other people thinking like you, and live your life with your circle, while ignoring as much as you can of what you disapprove of in the outside.
This is the best, social and peaceful way to go.
DrMonkey:
@flyingheart I heard *EXACTLY* the same thing from my wife, my friends, and my wife's friends : I feel the same, but what we can do about it. And we carry on our life, feeling helpless, powerless, like it's a fatality and nothing can be done, so we better bear it.
And (I think) that's *EXACTLY* why society with Chinese characteristics is what it is : that apathy, that learned-self-helplessness allows it to exist in the first place !!! Because nobody say a thing, because the simple idea of acting is discarded ("what we can do ?"), because nobody dare to do a thing ("it will be useless anyway"). All things have to come from the top, nothing from the bottom. Never be indigned, never call bullshit when there's bullshit : the illusion of harmony and putting yourself out of the spotlight is far, far more important than trying to improve things. Buy a iPhone, buy a BMW, enjoy the numerous shopping mall. If you see something ugly, pretend it does not exist, or just be silent about it : "I will ruin my mood otherwise". That's the life and the though of a zombie !!! You can act like a total selfish moron : nobody will be an obstacle. You can be a greedy bastard : as long as you roll along the tacitly accepted lines. No civil society, no counters to that. You are free to walk on others, but not free to prevent it.
A few guys tried to speak-up, not being zombies : check-out the New Citizen Movement. They have been put to jail, for "troubling public order". Nobody, NOBODY supported them, nobody said a thing when they were put in jail, and nobody know about them. Zombies, freak'in zombies, raised as zombies, kept like a zombie, cared for like zombies, and will do anything to stay a zombie !
When I stop a guy driving an ebike on the walkway : you are crazy, this is not your business.
If I comment on the zombie-like apathy : if you spoke Chinese, you would see things differently ? Really ?! That would magically make me accept to see any grass-root civil movements going to jail without ZERO support from anybody, completely ignored ?
If I try to gather people for some civil action, like collecting trashes, or going out and lecturing people on how to drive, or whatever else : you are a foreigner, if you are not happy, go away
It's like this because of this apathy, this total lack of any spine or courage, and whenever solutions are pointed-out, there's always an excuse to not do it ! This, THIS, THIS grinds my soul to no ends, made me really, really bitter !!! Zombies, freak'in zombies dead inside !!!
sorrel:
@DrMonkey
I hear the identical thing from people over and over again:
"what can I do about it?" and when I point out that 1 person can make a difference: (I give an example of something I did at home: I wrote a letter to a paper. It was not world changing but due to the ripple affect, people told me it had an impact ).
I am told "This is China. We can't do anything"
It is like the Poster who doesn't know what to do with his life: seeing life as having limited options, it is like people are so afraid of failure they won't try:
"I don't know what to do with my life so you tell me"
"i might not succeed so i won't try"
A former student of mine never learnt how to ride a bike because he was afraid of falling off.
Responsibility is abdicated so no-one fails.
flyingheart:
Thanks, Dr. M and Sorrel, for your statements about standing up to what's right and should be done. I'm very much inspired. Let's get a little more concrete here. What would you do at the sight of a street vendor selling poisonous food or water being polluted or your kids wining favor from their teachers because you're a certified native ESL teacher?
DrMonkey:
a street vendor selling poisonous food => Get samples of the food, send it to analysis in two or three different labs. You can gather the funds for the analysis in your neighbourhood, amongst friends, in the dorm if you live in the dorm, etc. If it's indeed bad, show the analysis results to the vendor, or to local police station. Every neighbor/friend/relative who's part of this go complain individually at the police station, one by one, not as a group. Repeat every month, until action is taken. Don't be shy to document the process on Weibo.. You have rights, there are laws, but nobody will enforce them if there's no pressure to do so.
water being polluted => same as above, replace food sample by water sample.
Your kids wining favor from their teachers because you're a certified native ESL teacher? => I'm not sure I understand the situation correctly, so I've no good suggestions. Do you mind elaborating ?
tomcatflyer:
I couldn't agree more, it is the total apathy that gets to me even more than the crap quality, service, manners and everything else. I hear it all the time from my wife and my friends wives, what can we do, don't make trouble. A friend of mine recently moved into his new apartment. Several things were wrong and his wife just drags her heels on contacting the decorators hoping if it drags out long enough he will just accept it. I have never met any other people that are so willing to accept crap at the same price as perfect. It is this mentality that will stop China ever being a world leader. They will carry on throwing money around but until all the Chinese realise that nothing gets better unless everyone does something about it nothing is going to change for the better. Dr Monkey is right apathetic zombies.
flyingheart:
Those are brilliant ideas, Doc!
Your kids wining favor from their teachers because you're a certified native ESL teacher? = favoritism based on externalities like parents' work and/or social status.
masonk:
DrMonkey's 2 posts are probably amongst the best iv read on this forum. Chinese society has revolved around apathy because China has a history of being impoverished (well except for the emperors)
I'm relatively happy with my job because of the freedom I get. But everything else just makes it seem like I'm putting my life on hold, and if you think about it, most people on here are doing the same. The majority of us aren't planning to stay here long term (or can't even if we want to), and so at some point we all have to return home and start our lives again. That kind of depresses me. Not the going home, but the fact that staying here just seems like a waste of time. We're not going to be making enough money to go home rich (at least I'm not) so what's the point?
I've been here years and have no real Chinese friends, and the foreign friends I do make end up leaving.
I can't watch decent TV, do any of the hobbies I like, see some of the films I want to see, and I haven't even touched on the Chinese people themselves.
I'm just sort of getting by day to day here, I wouldn't call it a life. I'm already making an escape plan because there's no point staying here long term. I'm not buying a tiny flat for a stupid price when I can buy a nice house for the same price back home, and get a better paying job.
Nessquick:
Cheers bro, exactly same feel.
Head up, we will survive this, don't worry :-)
It is even worse when you have to pay for 3 air tickets and make somehow sure, that you will not struggle for some month after arrival ... I am okay with taking next plane, with 1000usd in pocket go back, rent cheap place, find some good job and 2 month survive till first salary and step by step start new life. But explain this to my wife ... :-)))
I am somehow happy, like my job, but very unhappy with the obstacles and some behavior we have to fight daily.
Not really. I really love being with my wife, but the country pretty much sucks more than I could imagine.
I convince myself that I am happy.... .. me too, just 3 years ...I have a fantastic family here in China, not just my wife, but a whole lot of people that are just plain good to me.
I am not happy about my Chinese language progress ... I thought 2 years, then 5 and now have resigned myself to 20 and then croaking/leaving.
I am for sure happy living in the tropics as opposed to my home in Canada.. I prefer and desire the year round warmth.... just me....I have the most perfect woman in the world as a wife. She really is close to my dream girl!! Just sometimes my dream is too good to be true, so I question it.
I think Canada refusing my wife entry into Canada, 5 & 3 years ago was the best thing that the Government of Canada ever did for me.
I have learned new stuff.. a lot more "worldly" and any bitches I do have are so personally stupid .... Yes I am HAPPY TO BE IN CHINA..... I do have some BCD's (Bad China Days)
Overall I am happy.
Home life is as perfect as I can hope for. Great woman and I have managed to find pretty much all the creature comforts of home.
Work is good. Gives me a sense of accomplishment and allows me to buy all of the said creature comforts, plus travels ect.
I have the food pretty much worked out. If its Chinese at home, my wife has made changes to suit it especially for my tastes, which is thoughtful. She loves to bake and experiments with western foods and shes pretty great at it. The only Chinese food I like is Cantonese and as I live in Guangdong, that is helpful. Plus I have found my little places (few and far between) that satisfy "western standards" , or perhaps my standards have changed. I am good at keeping my house stocked so I never miss anything. I currently have A&W rootbeer and honey garlic pepperoni sticks! So I cant complain about anything there.
Being in Shenzhen makes travel easy. Flights to Vancouver are super convenient and cheap, HK is an hour away. Plus Air Asia makes holidays as cheap to travel abroad as it is to travel domestically. ( Thailand in 4 days!!!!! )
I have amazing friends. We travel and have fun, do things for each other and generally care. Plus we are pretty stable. 5 years and counting. We know that if we move away we arent going to find better friends so when we need to move for work we all work hard to meet up more than we should. And always with a keen eye for moving back.
The car makes my bubble alot more mobile. I really despise the staring and rudeness so some tinted windows, the AC turned on and some good music, cancels out most of the bullshit. Ive even figured out how not to get mad at the idiots.
Me and my wife dont like to go for walks and enjoy the outdoors in China,or really go anywhere in public that isnt for high-level chinese that dont care about us or specifically for foreigners, so we do that separately and make efforts for short trips so we can explore together in other places.
We both get endlessly frustrated here, no matter how much we try to shield ourselves so we hope to move, not to Canada but to Taiwan or HK in the next few years, but we know it isnt likely so we just keep our eyes open and work to enjoy it as much as we can.
My advice is to have goals. Goals can keep you focused on what important and help to channel out the useless stuff. It can be anything from a holiday away from china, to a new watch to walking 200kms of the great wall. Planning and visualizing those goals seem to help me alot. My goal this year has been a new car, so on my laptop I have a new car right there every morning, and i spend free minutes browsing different cars on my phone. Im excited to make it happen. Hence excited for more China!
I think that's kind of a normal feeling for anyone no matter where you live. Even if it's not China, problems and unhappiness still remains, just like you said jobs people cities whatever.
DrMonkey:
Sure, if you stay long enough somewhere, you will find something to cringe at. But you have to put the scale of things that make us/you/me cringe:
Back home, that would be dog barking in a suburban area or picking a candidate to an election with none of them really being a satisfying choice
In China, that would be having to watch parents letting their kids pooping inside a mall, 10 meters from the toilets, every damn time I go in a mall. Or watching *HALF* of the two-wheel vehicles being on the wrong lane. Or having to watch pollution level online to see if I can run this evening (fail to do that, spit ugly things for 2 days and chest pain). While listening to people commenting about you everywhere everyday, because OMG a white guy in a 1st tiers city.
Jesus Christ
Well it's like 70% of people are more unhappy then happy here
Than what the hell?
Oh yeh - money.
I was thinking about the reason why I came here and suddenly remembered i wanted to get hell out of Ukraine. So China was an option.
Now after getting the proper language skills and culture skills - it's time to make some money and get the fuck out of here.
Berlin, maybe.
BTW, if anyone has a nice lil appartment in Berlin and wants to sell it - text me plz)))
wechat freeelinko1
I get you man...I 'm from Bulgaria. I left when I was 22 (I'm 38 now). Have lived in the US, Holland, Italy and UK before coming here. But I will stay, for now. I am married and I love Xiamen. Yes, I do have the occasional BCD but it's ok. I have a degree in English, so can't do much in Europe. I'd rather be a teacher here than do some crap job in Western EU (the 6 months I spent in London was the worst time of my life, I'd say). And yes, unfortunately my home country isn't an option, either. And yes, while living here, I can easily travel to a new country every year, not bad at all. 
happy in China?
Yes
i have good friends, reasonable job, I can travel.
I have BCD's - who doesn't?
I get over them, have a laugh about them, move on.
I am happy in my own company, so I don't expect others to make me happy all the time.
I improve my life when i can because NO-ONE else is responsible for my situation except me.
Happy in my home country? Yes.
I have my family, friends etc.
Happy all the time ? No
I am not on drugs
Absolutely. But everyone is different, even though 90% of the responses you get on this website will be negative ones. And I mean extremely negative, bordering on racist, but that's another issue. The best advice I tell people is not to keep comparing China to your own country. If you do that, you will always be unhappy and disappointed. China is NOT your country, and it never will be, nor should it even try to be. They have their own culture, and their own way way of doing things, and either you like it or you don't. If you don't, well, shut up and move on. The average Chinese couldn't care less if you don't like it.
I've been here for just over two years, and I plan to live here for the rest of my life. I am quite happy, because I do not dwell and obsess about things that bother me here, and because of that, I consider China to be my new home. How happy you are in China I think depends entirely upon you and your outlook. If your outlook is always negative, then your stay here will be negative. But, again, everyone is different. I have always loved the Chinese culture and history, so for me, this country is easy to love. Are there things that I dislike? Of course. No country is perfect. But when I think about the US and, more specifically, New York, and the way of life there, and the war, and crime and drugs... well, suffice it to say that China definitely holds more charm for me.
Make the best of your own situation. Change your outlook, and you might see China differently.
Nope.
Everything sucks here.The government makes no sense,people are all brain-dead,They see us like aliens,weather sucks,the air sucks.everything from top to bottom sucks balls!
Well after almost 7 months here, I have to say that I'm somewhere between very content to actually happy. The "transition" period took me about 4-5 months and it was very hard. But now I would have to say I am good. My job is easy and laid back, the money is beyond great, my boss-turned-business partner I consider to be my brother now, the food is good, etc.
In fact I am the unhappiest when I leave my city. Since i've been on summer vacation I've traveled to Beijing twice, Weihai, a few other surrounding cities, and then I just got back from Hangzhou last night. I have a traveling/adventurous spirit and I like to explore and see new places, but I don't know why after 1 or two days in these cities, I cut my trip short because I immediately just want to go home. Beijing I hated with a passion, Weihai was actually really nice and I loved Hangzhou (except for the food..I didn't like one thing I ate in that city). Maybe I've just gotten so adjusted to this city and call it my home, that I don't feel comfortable anywhere else.
But I do have sad moments, especially lately. Most of the sad moments involves this loneliness I feel. I don't think there has ever been a period in my life where I have felt so lonely and wanted a boyfriend so much. I have a few really good friends here that I can count on so it helps, but in the love/boyfriend department I'm dying a slow death on the inside. If I had that in my life, I would be extremely happy here. No other complaints. I'm thinking about getting another dog, and maybe a cat too. It's just so freaking difficult being gay here in China. Yeah, I know it would be easier in a bigger city, but I really like my city. So I guess I just have to suck it up. The only thing that's keeping me together is just knowing that after I've put my 5-6 years in here, I'll be 30 years old, rich, and will go back to America and will do something different. 
WHY STAY IN A COUNTRY IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. If you have family I can understand but if not then you should follow your heart. Happiness is the most important thing.
DrMonkey:
If you have family I can understand
Which is the case of more than half of the regulars here. You know, people being married, and putting their partner & family into consideration.
Scandinavian:
Dang Redguard. You've been outed as a Chinese now. Not being able to see that we (some of us) put others happiness in front of our own .... well. People who don't do that are probably the same as those who don't stop for pedestrians.
Spiderboenz:
Scan...
With a name like Redguard, is it a suprise that he is an anti-foreigner Chinese?
If you don't understand the significance of the name, I would HIGHLY suggest that you do a refresher on the history of the PRC.
Specifically, during the 'Great Prolateriate Cultural Revolution'.
Redguard:
The red guard were heroes of the revolution. My grandad was one. It is how my family found its fortune.
DrMonkey:
@Spider @Scan It can be a western troll playing a die-hard Han chauvinist, or just an angry guy with some free time. On Internet, everybody is a dog...
Surely location is just a small part of the overall happiness equation. It's just a case of balancing all the factors, and the weighting you put on each.
For example, the last house I lived in before I came to China was a few yards from the shore and had a stunning view. I was happy where I was living, but I was not so happy that my Chinese wife was still in China. Now my wife and I are together here,but I would be hard pressed to say I am totally happy with where we live. But I am not complaining, as I say it's a balance.
If one thinks about it though.......what is happiness? Easy to answer, just spend time with any young child. And think of what makes them happy.
A toddler can be living in a shack on a rubbish tip and can be the happiest wee thing on the planet. A toddler is just as happy to play with a cardboard box as they are with an IPad loaded with kiddie games and videos. The key is that they know no different yet.
Makes you wonder how much unhappiness there is in adults because of them worrying about things that don't actually matter.
Scandinavian:
A really big source of unhappiness is seeing what is perceived as other peoples happiness.
I am sorry to hear drinking has no meaning anymore for you, lol. Seriously though try a change of city. A change in the pace of life. If you are single maybe you are just feeling lonely or are ready to settle down.
china, a very good place to live and staying even for few days made me so happy now i desperatly want to move in their. so im searching job so i can settle there
china, a very good place to live and staying even for few days made me so happy now i desperatly want to move in their. so im searching job so i can settle there
china, a very good place to live and staying even for few days made me so happy now i desperatly want to move in their. so im searching job so i can settle there
a bit of afternoon coffe conversation later and
"are you happy in China"
&
"do you like China"
seems to be easy to confuse ... IN China
Scandinavian:
who me
not really, some of it is really good, but even y favorite deep fried/sweet and sour fish dish is always "bad" because of all the little bones, and often the fish taste of rotten river water (meaning it probably comes from a fish farm with not so clean water)
I am happy here. But then I am Canadian and can go home (one of the top 5 countries to live in on the planet) whenever I want. My wife is Chinese. I can spend the income I make here and still save. I by an air purifier and a water purifier to mitigate the pollution. I don't need to touch my income in Canada. I found a new career I really enjoy except the companies that hire me now place me in an apartment resembling a jail cell back home.
I get along with the Chinese people I do meet and avoid topics like religion and politics while in this country unless it is a fellow person from one of the G-7 nations. Now I work in only Southern China or Eastern Sichuan. We all have lots to complain about in China, but we must put it in perspective. Half the countries on this planet are worse off than China.
Scandinavian:
pfff, Top 5 is for looses, Top 3 is where you want to be.
