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Q: How to deal with my date?
The American guy I am dating with is so poor now before his salary day.I lended him 100rmb for food,but I found he wasting it on coffee,juce.,etc when he even did not have enough money for eatting food.Then I decided to not lend him money again.So instead I brought some lunch and dinner for him in the resturants.And brought some food for him to cook.
Latter he asked me to lend him money for buying cirgerate,I refused.Then his collegue lended him100rmb.He brought the park ticket for me and him.I appreciate for this nice treat of him.But then he started wasting money when he had less than 100rmb,he brought snack and coffee in the convienience store.And order the potatoes for 22rmb in the resturant when he only had a little moneynwith him so then I paid his expensive potato off.How come he could waste his money for one potato dish for 22rmb when he had almost no money?
When I was visiting him twice,I found some of my money were gone.I asked him if he saw my money at the first time.He told he found my 50rmb around the sofa latter.And soon he wasted my 50rmb and he told he would pay it back when he got salary.
Second time,when I found my money was gone.I asked him diectly if he stole it.He said no.
Now it is so hard for me to trust him any more.
How do you think of him?
10 years 5 weeks ago in Relationships - China
No trust, no relationship. If you don't feel you can trust him, move on.
If you thnk that you can't trust him, then don't. I'm impressed that you would go out with a poor foreigner. I advised you to not hang around hostiles, 5 star hotels are better.
:pVictoria1987:
What is the point.There is not a place to show off how weathy you are.Being a wealthy guy does not mean you have quality.Also being a poor guy who can not afford a five star hotel does not mean he had no quality.It is affortable for a middle class wrsterner toblive in five star hotel because of rmb is cheaper for you.
If he has no money to buy food, he has no money to buy an ipad.
most americans, especially young ones have no concept of saving money and always believe tomorrow will provide more money, it burns a hole in their pocket, if he is from a wealthy family it can actually be worse when it comes to spending.
they do not fear a rainy day or being poor in old age,
some people are spenders, some are savers
some people live for the moment, some worry about tomorrow
some people are takers, some people are givers,
date a man that always checks the receipt and counts his change, if he doesn't do this, use him for a while for great sex and dump him. if the sex is bad dump him today.
poor or rich a man who trust people and doesn't check his change or receipt is useless and foolish.
keep looking for a good one, if it was easy, everyone would be married.
Victoria1987:
He is the one just enjoying today and never worry the rainy tomorrow.I did not want to visit him during the working day to avoid paying him food when i saw him having no money to pay.Paying his dinner could cost me a lot since he is a vegetarian.The vegetarian resturants could be found there are not cheap.He did not cook even he has a big free apartment witj a nice kitchen usually until i brought him fresh vegeyable and eggs.
Victoria can u talk about something usefull ..?
I am really worried about you .
Hulk Sperm = ((Green Baby + Green Card) * Living In America) / Dignity.
Let me know if you're interested.
You could make him past this test:
http://www.businessinsider.com/20-signs-that-you-are-a-psychopath-2013-9...
and then results:
If being bad with money is his only flaw, maybe don't worry too much about it. But make sure he doesn't take advantage of you. It is probably OK to lend him a bit of money if you can spare it, but it is certainly OK for you to be selective about when you lend him money. E.g. paying for a meal you have together, no problem, paying for cigarettes that will end up killing him, maybe not.
I am intrigued by this potato dish, 22 seems a lot for potato, was it good ?
Victoria1987:
I ended up lending him money any more.I only brought the meal and brought some fresh food for him to cook at home. Who knows if he can pay me back.I do not trust him,so I choose to not lend money.Only buying some food.Just one dish of potatoes,he really a waster.And he never cook when he had no money.And he is a vegetarian,and he only found expensive resturants to eat.He told me his meal usually costes 30 or 40rmb.
Victoria1987:
I am also worrying if he is taking advantage of me.He asked me to come to his apartment during the week,I did not go there.I do not want to join him and pay him meal all the time.He is the guy will spend almost 100rmb in one day.His salary is 15000rmb with a good free apartment provided by the school he is teaching.I think he used to live in a luxury way and it is hard for him to change when he has no money.he still lives in this way when he is using the money he brought.That is something I hate about it
Victoria1987:
I have been dating keeping him for a while.Actually I found his personality is quite nice,he got good warm heart and willing to help ppl.He took me to nice resturants when he got paid.But he still can not manage his finance.I argued a lot with him for that.And he is more like an artist,he lives a life without having any savings.I do not know about our dating actually.Plus he has a serious problem right now it may burns him to pieces which he has to leave China.I am trying to help him.I am so unsure about developing a long term relationship with this guy.He is going to leave China after this month.Pretty sad now.But when I calm down I guess it might be good to end relationship between us.With him,I always have to worry for his tomorrow and I am not sure if he can get rid of his problem and make a change.He lives a life thinking about his money on tomorrow actually.22rmb potatoes is not a lot,but still okay.So he will leave China soon and might date back with his ex again in another country he is backing to.I will take a break and think about my plan in my new life without him.
If you are with someone you cannot trust then get out of there, without trust there is no relationship. Whatever else you do is up to you.
Victoria1987:
I am not sure about this guy but still give him chances.I will wait to see how he treats me after he got his salary.
maybe he'll be generous when he gets his salary? wait and see.
Victoria1987:
I am waitting.But I realy hate him ask me lend him money for buying cigerate.And the funny thing is he told he wanted iceceam,I told him I have no money then he shuted up.But indeed I do not have lots of savings since I have to pay my depts.
i go by the old saying:
"fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me"
everyone is given a chance
do not confuse being poor and being a cash waster, he is more or less economically stable but he just choose to miss-manage his economy and that is a big drawback given the fact that he is not living in his own country and having a girlfriend for that matter, you can serve as a good adviser to him, if he does not change then its up to u to continue with him or find your way, good luck!
Victoria1987:
I already gave him advice.He did not take it He complained that i call him waster.He told how come he was a waster just for buying coffee.I told you brouhht it when you even did not have enough money for food.
sorrel:
" i am concerned that you don't have enough money at the moment. Is there a problem i can help with?"
OR
"you are such a money waster. Don't spend the money i give you"
Victoria1987:
I told both.He kept wasting money like a spoiled Child.
sorrel:
the second one was an example of what not to do early in a relationship.
you are not at the stage where you can tell him what to do and what not to do with money you give him.
just don't give him money
i rarely lend my friends money - one you borrow or lend, the relationship changes
even if it is done with the best intentions
"neither a borrower or a lender be"
Victoria1987:
I already end up lending him money.And try to not visit him a lot.Only visit him on the weekend.I even not sure if he will pay my money back.But I know his collegues.
TedDBayer:
my Gf always complained about my spending, if she knew I was spending 2500 a day, she'd have a heart attack.
Victoria1987:
You are correct.It is his own problem to choose to not manage his finance.He keeps being poor all the time because he lacks of management mind and he almost never cook himself in Shanghai.I am trying to change him,but jesus it is so hard to change this guy.He tried to spent less but not really that much less.He acts more like an artist,he told he just did not care about money,but he said he will think about it(I doubt he will).God,he is 37 now.I actuslly seem still have no life plans.He always he is spirtul rich in mind.He is actually nice guy,good to ppl.But it is very tired to date someone who even can not manage finance very well.
wait and see if he pays back the money: if he does, decide your next move - only you know if you want to continue this relationship
don't lend him any more - just say you can't spare it.
use the experiences from your previous relationships - we all do this
chances are after calling him a waster he will decide he is not interested in you as you have judged him to his face. I would only do that to a close friend when they know they can trust my opinion of their actions
Vicky, I am so hurt that you've rejected my advances and a free green card. It makes me feel bad about myself. I'm going to go cry in a corner.
Victoria1987:
It is a pathetic that destorying ppl on the forum is your only hobby.If I were you,I will work more for wife and the child.
icnif77:
I'm keep telling him, buTT...he wouldn't listen. I think he's tall! I mean 'deaf'
Hulk:
How am I destroying you? I'm offering a green card.
Oh, if you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use your sperm to Journey to the West.
TedDBayer:
You'll have to support her and the baby if you're given a paternity test. 
She's got a BF, who's finishing Mr. Bean's 'personality test'! Wait a minute, go read WP on 'Up-yours' tread about Clapper
. WH doesn't know, should they send him to Cuba or Crimea to recruit some more 'help'. NSA is starving after 'Up-yours' left
icnif77:
The peril is apparent. The covert warriors who trample laws abroad in the name of national security are likely to scorn legal limits at home. That is what is at stake in the deepening scandal of the CIA’s subversion of the Senate intelligence committee’s investigation of its shameful and unlawful program of torture during the Bush administration. Amid the charges and countercharges, the truth is clear. The CIA ran these barbarous programs for several years. An agency report later concluded that torture was ineffective. The agency not only suppressed that conclusion; its leaders lied to the Congress about it, while its agents destroyed tapes of the torture sessions. Faced with a serious Senate investigation, the CIA withheld documents and wasted years demanding that outside contractors read and reread an astonishing 6.2 million documents before providing some of them to professional Senate staffers with appropriate security clearances. Beyond that, the Justice Department should be ordered to initiate an investigation of the CIA’s subversion of a legitimate Senate investigation. The perpetrators should be prosecuted and dismissed. And the Senate should bestir itself to assert its constitutional prerogatives. It is long past time for an independent, bipartisan special committee — modeled on the Church Committee that investigated intelligence agency lawlessness in the 1970s — to be chartered to provide a comprehensive investigation of the activities of the intelligence agencies after Sept. 11, revealing the abuses, reviewing the claimed authority and strengthening the legal limits on the secret state.
Obama is wrong: We do want the CIA “looking over its shoulder” at the laws of the republic. If the scandals of torture, drones murdering innocents from the sky, kidnapping and rendition, innocents held without charges and without review for years, National Security Agency spying on U.S. citizens and more do not trigger a reassertion of law, then the national security state will grow ever more scornful of the Constitution it is supposed to defend.
Another LOSER american with no money and a shitty paying job, go figure!
No trust, no relationship. If you don't feel you can trust him, move on.
You belong to China and he belongs to another world. He's not for you even he is bright and rich. Few international marriages have a good end. Some blame Chinese foods are too oily or their Chinese wives too noisy. We have different values and aestheticism. If he keeps avoiding these serious differences, he's probably fooling you.
Victoria1987:
He keeps complaining chinese food is fucked up and China is so weird.
