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Q: Is there any foreiner serious with Chinese girls?
There are so many foreigners dating Chinese girls in China. These girls are always young generation,while the foreigners could be young and old. But these kind of relationship normally won't last long. Two months ago,one of my friend dated a US guy. She even moved to live with him. But right now,they are struggling in the edge of this relationship.This US guy is trying to find a time to break up with her. But my poor friend thought they will get married later on.
Also another 50 years old US guy who has families in US is now also dating a 27 years old Chinese girl ......
It seems like foreigners are hardly serious with Chinese girls !
9 years 16 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Foreigners, all guys from Foreignland, who are all the same, obviously... despite coming from the 200 countries which are not China. It never gets old.
Close to 5 years in China. I dated someone, it didn't last long : single child spoiled since birth, it was horrible for both of us. About two years being single, then I dated someone else. We are married now. A friend of mine met someone after one year in China, they got married. Same story for one of wife's colleague.Same story for most guys on this website, married and not really into cheating their wives with the first KTV girl.
So,to answer your question : yes, foreigners (not foreiner, most web browsers got automatic spell checkers !!!) can be serious with Chinese girls. If you stop looking at the problem as foreigners vs us the Chinese, but as relationship between two humans, it might become easier to understand.
sevenyan:
Thank you! I like your point. TWO HUMANS ! That's the answer I've been looking for.
DrMonkey:
@sevenyan Arg, I answered, but in mikeca's post... Looking at this as relationship between two humans have some interesting consequence. Two humans can have very different emotional maturity. As I try to explain in mikeca's post, education here tend to make girls very immature emotionally (at 25 years old, they have the maturity of a 16 years girl stuck in white prince dreams). For a more mature man without too much ethic, it's so, so, so easy. One is lost in her emotions and feel like the world will crumble if she does not yield to anything, while the guy knows what's going on. Having a stable relationship for a few years before marrying is good, marriage should be a side effect, not a goal. Making decision out of insecurity is no good. You know China at least as well as me : insecurity is the key drive for most young girls around here.
Strawberry66:
I have met lots of western men are immature,here are what I often hear they said about me: 1,You only like white men becsuse ur racist or passport chaser. 2,you should not tell u dress well to ppl,thats arrogant 3,you dress sexually,there is no way you are looking into something serious. Wow...Too much judgement. I feel may be better for me to be single.Most white men I met are childish.
All my friends, and also people I don't know who have got married here would disagree with you.
Because most Chinese girls are serious about leeching off us like parasites?
I can see why you think that. There are many foreigners who are here just to play. There are also many foreigners who actually try to have a relationship and cultural issues become to hard. The way i see it is what is better? A man breaks up with many girls but is loyal to all of them while he is with them or a man who marries the first girl but spends the next 20 years in a KTV???
There are also many foreigners who have no trouble finding a girl and staying with them forever. Many people on this website are married including me.
You should be careful to generalize too much. While you do have a point its not fair to say all foreigners are like that. Its like me saying all chinese are really short and rude and stupid. Its not true. Just mostly.
sevenyan:
Thank you for you've seen what I see. Coz I do see a lot foreigners like that. I just don't think it's fair!
...
But you are right,maybe there are quite a few exception,like you.
DrMonkey:
@sevenyan Maybe, just maybe... Kids education in China tends to let people reach adulthood awfully unprepared to adult life. I find that people in China are in general very naive about love and romance : zero experience with the emotions and the responsibilities at play. Girls are often in great hurry, unable to keep their emotion in check, because emotional maturity is poorly understood in China. That makes young girls easy to seduce, when you are yourself more experienced. So for a guy with nothing to loose and not very scrupulous, it's so easy to get a date and some more.
Robk:
Mike's right, I am married and have been with the same Chinese girl for 8 years. Never cheated on her and yes, things get frustrating but that is more because of Chinese cultural influence.
You can't blame these foreign men for playing around and you can't really blame Chinese men for being forced into a marriage by their parents then playing with girls in bath houses and KTVs.
Start judging men by their own personal qualities instead of by their home country. Foreigner = like 7.2 billion people - Chinese... it is a horribly gross generalization.
Because the foreigner body is different. And there is too many people in Foreignland. And you don't understand the culture of Foreigner.
coineineagh:
and because foreigners don't have TCM (liquorice is actually a libido suppressant). AND because foreign men don't respect women like good, virtuous, cultured Chinese men do. Chinese men certainly don't like 'em young. no siree!
Foreigners, all guys from Foreignland, who are all the same, obviously... despite coming from the 200 countries which are not China. It never gets old.
Close to 5 years in China. I dated someone, it didn't last long : single child spoiled since birth, it was horrible for both of us. About two years being single, then I dated someone else. We are married now. A friend of mine met someone after one year in China, they got married. Same story for one of wife's colleague.Same story for most guys on this website, married and not really into cheating their wives with the first KTV girl.
So,to answer your question : yes, foreigners (not foreiner, most web browsers got automatic spell checkers !!!) can be serious with Chinese girls. If you stop looking at the problem as foreigners vs us the Chinese, but as relationship between two humans, it might become easier to understand.
sevenyan:
Thank you! I like your point. TWO HUMANS ! That's the answer I've been looking for.
DrMonkey:
@sevenyan Arg, I answered, but in mikeca's post... Looking at this as relationship between two humans have some interesting consequence. Two humans can have very different emotional maturity. As I try to explain in mikeca's post, education here tend to make girls very immature emotionally (at 25 years old, they have the maturity of a 16 years girl stuck in white prince dreams). For a more mature man without too much ethic, it's so, so, so easy. One is lost in her emotions and feel like the world will crumble if she does not yield to anything, while the guy knows what's going on. Having a stable relationship for a few years before marrying is good, marriage should be a side effect, not a goal. Making decision out of insecurity is no good. You know China at least as well as me : insecurity is the key drive for most young girls around here.
Strawberry66:
I have met lots of western men are immature,here are what I often hear they said about me: 1,You only like white men becsuse ur racist or passport chaser. 2,you should not tell u dress well to ppl,thats arrogant 3,you dress sexually,there is no way you are looking into something serious. Wow...Too much judgement. I feel may be better for me to be single.Most white men I met are childish.
Sure there are jerks out here, some Chinese men are jerks too, they are the loud minority. My girlfriend is Chinese and we have been together for 5 years. She is studying in HK now, good thing I am there half of the time. She belongs to this emerging category of highly educated Chinese women who are more open minded, more independent and are questioning the traditional superstitions and dumb beliefs established in Chinese society, as well as the role and status of woman. In short she is too modern, intelligent and strong for most local guys who like to control women.
sevenyan:
You've got a wonderful gf,more like western girls,which I'm happy for you:)
Strawberry66:
I just heard you saying Chinese women are ugly with or without make-up not a long time ago.What a scarsm to hear you are dating a Chinese girl? Maybe she is intelligent in ur eyes,maybe not in most Chinese guys' eyes.I really think most Chinese men have more responsibities than most western men.
Strawberry66:
I have to take my words saying"Chinese men are better than western men in general"back as I had some emotion attracked yesterday when I said it.I just got emotionally hurt by some American guys chatted with me in wechat chatting group ,and one of the guys who humilated me was actually a guy I was feeling interested to get to know. But I still think most Chinese don't match most foreigners well because of the big culture gap.It is easier to say it than really make big compromise to overcome the culture barrior. But I am not saying everyone can not have a sucessful(foreign-Chinese)relationship,I know some married couples on ecc.But still just a few can work through of it,most people still can't. But I don't think I match with most Chinese guys well because I value lots of individual and mutual respect. I hope I can overcome more in culture gap and try to make some more compromise to find my own white man.
Strawberry66:
The Chinese society is sick now.So many women married for just marriage because they are approaching 30.They don't even really love each other and it is so sad.I struggle hard to stop my parents to decide my life.
I think it's a little weird for a girl to be thinking about marriage as soon as she just started dating. That's the type of important information that needs to be discussed to the other half. In the west, people marry for love or because the guy got the girl pregnant. Your friend shouldn't be thinking about marriage until she is sure that she loves the other person and knows he is a suitable partner. That goes the same for the guy, but he knows this already.
In foreigner land , love is a precursor for marriage, not the other way around. Nobody wants to have a relationship where they cheat on each other in KTVs all their life simply because they gave into parents pressure at Spring Festival to get married as fast as possible.
And didnt you you ask this very same question like half a year ago?
sevenyan:
I see. To me ,It's the same. Marriage should be based on love,two sides. But I also think foreign guys should be serious when they are dating Chinese girls. Most of them,are just playing.While some girls don't get it. For those girls ,it's so unfair!
DrMonkey:
Instead of pouting while saying "it's so unfair", just grow a spine. If the guy is playing, it's because the girl is letting him play. Why she is letting him play ? Why she doesn't spend time to get to know him ? Why she have to jump on him so fast ? You can curse the sky for the rain, or you can use an umbrella...
jetfire9000:
Define what you mean by serious. What are the standards you are using? Do you believe those standards all exist uniformly in society between men and women? Are men looking for beautiful women that give the face? Are women only looking for rich men to pamper them with new purses every week? Are there couples getting married just because they are turning 30 soon? And finally, after you have done such a broad study, how's it compare to foreign - chinese couples? Simple observations aren't enough here if you want to have an understanding that surpasses the superficial stereotyping.
Eorthisio:
Face it, if the girl stays with that playboy it's because she likes him, she likes his confidence, his masculine personality, and so on, I could tell more crudely how she enjoys it in bed but well that will get me banned.
RandallFlagg:
My Chinese ex used to call me player, bad boy, often accuse me of cheating (which was not true, btw) etc... but she always said it with a grin, stayed with me and try to cling on to me when i ended the relationship. It takes two to tango. If a girl is with a "bad guy" it's because she wants to be. Sorry to break it to all the whining racist limp-cocked Chinese men out there, but it's true.
You asked the same question like five moths ago 
and the information hasn't changed. I guess that " not so serious" guy is still with your " friend" hmm? Are you jealous of him?
sevenyan:
Funny! Why would I be jealous of her bad relationship ? Just feel sad for her.That man said he love her but now he's breaking up with her.And things happen like this quite often.
Strawberry66:
sevenyan,I feel dating western men are like gambline.Just he could cut the rekationship anytime when he is not in the mood anymore.
Hotwater:
Vicky/Strawberry - I could also generalize & say that for a Chinese woman married to a Chinese man, she is also gambling every time she has sec with him as she might get an STD from when he has unprotected sex with working ladies in massage places!
jetfire9000:
You're jealous of the guy, and his ability to keep the girl. Duh.
Strawberry66:
About this part hotwater u r right.But I am.talking about cultural diffrence between two ppl are hard to work through. I think I am already very open minded in China about culture gap.But still there is some part of my Chinese thing hard to be changed.
Maybe you should ask the Chinese girls. No one's forcing them to go out with foreigners.
Englteachted:
Chinese guys are forcing Chinese girls away with their piggish behavior.
Chinese girls are deadly serious about IPhone.
Seriously, are you talking about Chinese girls or Chinese women? There is a big difference between a girl and a woman. And the difference is not about age. Maybe its a language thing: women are either "pretty girl" or "auntie". Just a thought 
Strawberry66:
My friend spent 6000rmb on iphone while she only making 2500rmb
So many girls, so little time.
I broke up with my girl friend because she was too sensitive about what the Chinese thought/ said/ or stared.
DrMonkey:
@Eorthisio A baby can fit down there, your little pinky is no match.
Speaking for myself, a Chinese woman who married a westerner.
I'd say it depends on the individual, some guys like playing around not only western guys but also Chinese guys as they probably have not met someone who's so special to them or he's a just playboy or he's not ready for a committed relationship.
Ask yourself,what are you looking for? a long term relationship ,a short term relationship or one night stand? If he doesn't match with your needs( like you are looking for a long term relationship and he's looking for someone for fun and etc),you guys shouldn't get started at all. Before the relationship is official, there's a lot of things to consider and find out( same life value,common interests and etc) , it takes a lot of time to get to know each other very well ,even for two Chinese,let alone for two from different cultures............
Some foreign men do not respect Chinese girls.They judge them a lot by their own way until the girls get hurt and relationship end.I dara say most Chinese and foreigners are not match.
Maybe a few gets luck,but the most aren't.
I really find Chinese guys are better than foreign guys generally.I really wish I can have feeling for Chinese guys,but I just find I can't.
Most foreign men have less patience.
I really do not have a lot of confidence that I can find a right white guy,and I can not force myself to be with a nice Chinese man who I do not have feeing for.I think I could be just single my life.Or might be a rich single woman if not so unlucky.
Just cheers for having a rich single life in the future.
Stiggs:
Yes, you are probably right. But... you could easily turn that statement around too.
Some Chinese girls - and their parents - don't respect foreign guys. They expect them to throw away their own culture and do things the Chinese way.
Meet a girl, date for 3 months, get married because the neighbors are gossiping about the girl's family, buy a poor quality overpriced apartment and maybe pay a dowry to the girl's family, have a baby (by now he's decided there is NO way he'd raise a kid here) and then have a mother in law you maybe don't like move in with you and criticize you for relaxing at home on your day off instead of taking a 2nd job and not making enough money or owning a car so the family can brag about it .
This is how a lot of guys I know see marriage here. I'm not saying it's necessarily true but then again, it's not entirely untrue either for a lot of people. It's what you need to do.
When, after three months the guy has started to realize he has nothing much in common with the girl and doesn't even like her much let alone love her, hates his job at the local sketchy language mill, has come to hate the polluted city he lives in and is thinking he would be crazy to marry this girl so they could spend the rest of their lives making each other miserable. It would be irresponsible and stupid to marry her.
Also his contract at the crappy language mill he hates is coming up for renewal. He doesn't know if they'll resign him, or even if they are still able to get him a proper visa.
This is when he starts thinking he should just ditch the girl and the job and get a better job somewhere else. F**k living your life like that.
And that is when he starts to hear all the crap about how he's just a playboy, irresponsible and not serious.
Strawberry66:
Stiggs.Is this guy you? By hear the story.I really feel most Chinese don't match foreigners.I suggest you find girl from your own country. I am a Chinese girl,but I only find white guy physically attractive(many foreigners even call me racist) and my dream is marry a white man.But my relationship with foreign men always end up with tears because there are so many things diffrent between two person from two countries. China has a culture for the man who wants to marry the girl to give money to her parents.But as I know many parents actually would take the money but would return most of the money back to the man.They aren't selling daughters.Maybe some poor parents will take all the money.But some other parents could be greedy. In China if you have baby the wife's parents will give money to the babies.Our culture is complicated.It scares many foreign guys away for misundering things most time. And I sometimes do not understand western jokes very well too.
Stiggs:
Is it me? Partly, but mostly just a mix of what I have seen a lot of guys here go through, not everyone of course.
I have decided I don't want to marry the average normal traditional girl here though, I just don't want to live like that. I'm not saying other people shouldn't but it's not for me. I wouldn't get involved with anyone now unless I knew they were someone very different. Or just after a casual fling maybe.
And that's the point I was wanting to make. People get involved, that happens in life and is natural. The thing is though after an amount of time - who knows how long it is - one or both of them realize it can't work. So they move on.
The guy I described isn't necessarily not serious about a relationship, he just doesn't want that one, it's too different to what he knows and is used to.
Strawberry66:
Stiggs.I feel really hard to find a man.If I can not find my right white man,I really donot want to force my feeling to be a chinese man even he might be nice.I will buy my own house and collect good sperm from hospital to create my own science baby.^^And travel around the world.Hmmm...If my business goes well,I then hire ppl to work for me.And I wi be a single hot mother who takes my own baby to go travel:) Hahaha
Stiggs:
Hey that's something I can drink to. Live your own life and don't stress too much over the stupid shit. Good luck 
Strawberry66:
I agree.Life is short.I think we do not need to follow the stupid shit.The important thing is what we are doing is what we feel happy to. I think I am still luckier than many chinese girls.I make my own rice^^ Oh?You.like drinking?I just had wisky tonight :)
Strawberry66:
Btw stigg you seem interesting.I am creating my own wechat chatting group and i want to bring some interesting ppl to join and having some fun chats sometimes.Are you feeling interested to join?
Stiggs:
Thanks for the wechat invite but I had it installed on my old phone and just couldn't get interested in using it. I never installed it on my new phone and don't even remember my username or password. I'm not a social network kind of dude. About the beers... big bottles every time, small ones just mean you need to go back to the fridge more often.
Sevenyan; there are some terrific answers here and I can't really offer much more.
Except not all men who aren't "young" are interested in dating young women.
Me, for example.
In my case I was lucky enough to meet someone who was 43. Then, after some time of hanging out together, we fell in love. Down the track we married. And now, life could not possibly be better.
Oh yeah...lots of fellas just want to have sex with as many women as possible. That's the same everywhere else too.
If the woman has had a loving environment in which to grow up, coupled with some relevant education, it's not that difficult for her to protect herself.
Of course there are exceptions.
The bottom line is this (according to me)....... In life, just be honest enough to do and say what it is you really mean. And want.
If you can do that, then you will spare yourself, and others, the complications that go with not being honest.
It really isn't that hard. But it's not easy.
Learn to think. If you were able to think the thought "compared to Chinese girl with Chinese guys relationships" would be part of your retarded question. From what I see with my students and friends, Chinese guys often are looking to play around just as much.
royceH:
The male Chinese likes to play around with his buddies. Push, giggle, punch, giggle...
and so on, like that.
Too much trouble to be with men.Maybe just enjoy single life and get men's sperm to have babies.I do not think its a bad idear to do if the women does not meet the right one.
Strawberry66:
Ha...I am not into a woman.Just saying if I can not meet the man I like,why not keep single and get sberm to create my own baby?
RandallFlagg:
Children need both parents. Mother and father. It's the only way that they can be raised with a healthy balance of nurture and authority.
Strawberry66:
But I need my own baby.I am not sure I can find my man.
gouxiong:
Dear RandallFlagg, sometimes I wondet how sexist some people can be. I find much better if a capable girl with own way of thinking and capability to earn money and build her career becomes.single mother rather than sacrifying all in order to.stay with a man who feels very superior but in reality is no match to her. Unfortunately also thanks to points of view you showed it's frequently the case. Sad for society but even more sad for those girls and their children ...
Strawberry66:
Life is not perfect.Some girls met the right men,some not. I am a human being,I can't scarifice myself to marry a man I don't like. I am not rich now,but I am not a poor Chinese girl either.Working on a decent salary for company while at the same time starting my own business.I guess I could be rich several years latter. Anyway just get no luck with man.I don't know if I can find him.But I try to treat myself good.Yeah a bit sad for my future baby(If I be a single mother) to have no father.All I can do is asking my male friends and my Dad to spend some time with my future baby. I will not scarefice myself to be with a man do not respect me or cheat on me.I would rather to be a single mother than marrying a wrong man. I work on my career while lots of girls have their boyfriends or husbands provide them.I earn my own every $,and I buy everything myself.I am not happy sonetimes because I did not meet a right man.But I am self-respect and I am proud of myself.
RandallFlagg:
Gouxiong: what i said is proven psychological fact. Reality might be "sexist" but it is still reality. You can whine about reality or accept it and move on. Children do need a healthy balance, they always have and always will. You have never met me so your snide personal subtext against me says a lot more about you than me.
Strawberry66:
RandallFlagg.I agree that children should be raised by father and mother together in a family
Gouxiong's words might be too harsh.And I am sure there's some misunderstanding there.I understand your point very well,RandallFlagg,but may be your advice may come a bit harsh for Gouxiong to misunderstand you.
I also wish I can marry the man I like
But if I can not meet the right one,I have to create my baby in my own way
And for sure it will a bit pity for my baby to have no father and not good for baby.But what I can do is just try my best to make up for it.
Strawberry66:
Royce.Hulk is fun which I admit.But he is really someone has bad quality.He is a married American with a Chinese lady.He asked me to have webcame sex on skype while he has a wife and children.I kicked him out.
This question has no certain answer.Chinese girls around me are not serious about meeting or marrying any foreigner unless they are leftovers.I think both foreigners and Chinese are looking for fun in relationships and they know it.
of course some are serious and some are not.like the guys said above why your friend does not leave him if she thinks the guys is playing with her.Its pretty stupid to wait for the guy to say goodbye.
That is not true. I have witnessed first hand that some Chinese girls use guys only for green card tickets out of China or to get money, not think about settling down with him and growing old together with him.
But I am a serious guy and if a girl is worthy, why would I ever want to leave her.
I a bit miss the point of your question. You firstly mention more or less "match-making" example and then continued with something what more sounds like 小三或者二奶 (extra marriage lover) relationship.
If you talk about married men and women having lovers so it's usually not serious all around the world (however it may become serious in certain cases). Nothing wrong with that as long as both partners are adult, fully aware of situation and do it willingly.
If you talk about "wife-husband to be" dating so of course majority of foreigners are serious.
However if Chinese girls starts dating foreigner from what is called "Transatlantic civilisation" so the may face several problems:
1) In Europe it's common to date a partner to see if the partner really fulfills the expactions. And if not so to break up. The "expactations" are then usually less oriented at the partner's beauty or economical situation also because the conditions in Europe differ from China a lot.
2) The culture difference is huge and very transparent on many daily life issues. If partners are not extremaly tolerant towards each other (or one does not have such a big benefit out of the mutual relationship that is willing to compromise well over own level of acceptance) so it usually also ends up badly.
However usually both partners, if smart and open minded, can benefit from such relationship by "own enrichment".
There are also some really happy mixed couples I know
Girls who don’t get enough love and support from their parents are often attracted to older men for the sense of security they provide (because of confidence, competence and emotional maturity). This is a common phenomenon in China, as Chinese parents are generally more utility-minded and less personally involved with their children.
You seem to be suggesting that age difference implies a lack of seriousness. I’m not sure there is a correlation. Do you think if a man is with a younger woman, the woman is being exploited? Do you think young men are more reliable in relationships?
Regarding relationships that aren't primarily for the purpose of marriage:
This is the crucial difference between Western and Chinese notions of dating. In the West people have relationships on their own terms, their motive being to find mutual fulfillment with a suitable partner. We want to find out if a partner is suitable before getting married. In China, relationships (like everything else) are for the sake of utility.
Western notion of dating
Meet a person and have fun together. Have lots of sex. Talk about interesting things. If you still find each other's company stimulating after a few years (e.g. still enjoy doing activities together, enjoy sex, are interested in the other person's opinions, and consider your partner to be your confidant), consider marriage. Talk honestly about all things, and make mutual decisions without imput from greedy, manipulative third parties.
Chinese notion of dating
Forgo all that exploration and intimacy, because navigating the uncertainty of relationships is daunting. Find a partner who meets your parents' demands. Get married and have a baby. Discover that getting married and having a baby wasn't a magical cure-all for the emptiness in your soul (though finding the right person might have been). Discover that you have emotional, intellectual and physical needs that your partner doesn't meet. Too late!
In relationships, as with all things, China got it wrong.
Actually most of the Chinese girls expect money..especially north Chinese girls r too lazy, never want work and she expect her bf to give her money so she can sleep like pig whole day..I don't mean that every Chinese girl is like this but most who date foreigners.
