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Q: Wechat ettiquete.....quitting a group
We are often added to wechat groups. Some you know are bullshit immediately, others such as your work team group can be useful.
What about those other groups where if you quit you might cause yourself some small issue because someone lost face when the token whitey quit the group? Or a genuine friend invited you but it is all in chinese.
To put it into context, I am conflicted about two groups.
Group 1. My company group which includes ALL people in the company...around 85 people. This equated to 1560 messages in 2hours this morning...all in Chinese. As this group is obviously useless to me and the other gweilos, is it ok to quit or will there be flack?
Group 2. The gweilo "In crowd" in my city. This group consists of alcoholic loser back home wannabes for the most part. Most of the posts are mysoginistic and pornographic and seldom amusing despite the fact that the most demeaning posts get lots of laughs and atta boys. I'm not offended by the ubiquitous lowbrow 12 year old boy toilet humour in this group. It is just lame, however I am reluctant to quit because I don't need some dickhead whining at me for leaving "this awesome group"
What I am asking is: What is the ettiquete for quitting wechat groups?
They hate it when the token foreigner default them.
Chinese "acquaintance" (can't call this type of person a friend) calling me at any time "I have a dinner with friends in 10 minutes at random Chinese restaurant in random street, you come?", yeah right, you want to show off the foreigner to your friends, no thanks, I have better things to do. Then they are pissed, I made them lose face, no foreigner to show off like a thing at this dinner. It's not like they warned me a few hours ahead of time so I can shower and prepare myself. No, you shall never notice the foreigners ahead of time, whether it is at the workplace or in daily life.
Talking about the workplace I remember two years ago before CNY holidays after the final examinations we weren't supposed to have classes anymore, the "life teachers" were taking care of monitoring the kids, no one told me, I taught an entire day while the local staff was sleeping in the office. When I asked the manager "Why did no one tell me that we don't have classes anymore?" I got nothing but a blank stare and him walking away because Chinese never admit their own mistakes. I was so pissed, I never had any discussion with him anymore, never cooperated again, strictly followed the contract and no more favors like exchanging classes because someone else has something else to do or a meeting to attend at that time. You get the fruits of your own seed, never notice the foreigner ahead of time and he will not be nice and cooperative anymore.
royceH:
Both the things you've mentioned are common occurrences for me. The social one has resulted in burning of bridges but so what! Fuk em. Although I don't exactly have a wide base of friendships I'm not bothered by telling them no.
And further on this one, when they suggest getting together to drink beer only for me to turn up and there's a cast of thousands waiting eagerly at a big round table in a private room. When this happens I can tend to get really snarly.
Only last week I nearly knocked over the table in my attempt to reach across and put one on some rude arseholes's chin.
The work one happens to me all the time. They just don't give a fuk about the foreign teacher. I'm not terribly unhappy about this as my schedule is great and they don't have any input into what I do at all. In fact, I'm sure they don't give a stuff about my classes. Hahaha...and nor do 80% of my students!
The litmus test for me this upcoming semester is whether or not I continue to give a stuff.
Quick update: I quit some random Happy New Year group a few minutes ago....immediately harassed by 3 girls as to why I no longer wished to be the token and if I could recommend other would be tokens
Is this even a real problem...? What are you trying to gain from the foreigner group on Wechat if you are staying there against your actual will. If you don't like it, leave. I don't think there's going to be too many people complaining that a guy left the chat.
Sinobear:
As above. Just put it down to " a stupid foreigner pushing the wrong buttons and everything got deleted/cancelled."
They hate it when the token foreigner default them.
Chinese "acquaintance" (can't call this type of person a friend) calling me at any time "I have a dinner with friends in 10 minutes at random Chinese restaurant in random street, you come?", yeah right, you want to show off the foreigner to your friends, no thanks, I have better things to do. Then they are pissed, I made them lose face, no foreigner to show off like a thing at this dinner. It's not like they warned me a few hours ahead of time so I can shower and prepare myself. No, you shall never notice the foreigners ahead of time, whether it is at the workplace or in daily life.
Talking about the workplace I remember two years ago before CNY holidays after the final examinations we weren't supposed to have classes anymore, the "life teachers" were taking care of monitoring the kids, no one told me, I taught an entire day while the local staff was sleeping in the office. When I asked the manager "Why did no one tell me that we don't have classes anymore?" I got nothing but a blank stare and him walking away because Chinese never admit their own mistakes. I was so pissed, I never had any discussion with him anymore, never cooperated again, strictly followed the contract and no more favors like exchanging classes because someone else has something else to do or a meeting to attend at that time. You get the fruits of your own seed, never notice the foreigner ahead of time and he will not be nice and cooperative anymore.
royceH:
Both the things you've mentioned are common occurrences for me. The social one has resulted in burning of bridges but so what! Fuk em. Although I don't exactly have a wide base of friendships I'm not bothered by telling them no.
And further on this one, when they suggest getting together to drink beer only for me to turn up and there's a cast of thousands waiting eagerly at a big round table in a private room. When this happens I can tend to get really snarly.
Only last week I nearly knocked over the table in my attempt to reach across and put one on some rude arseholes's chin.
The work one happens to me all the time. They just don't give a fuk about the foreign teacher. I'm not terribly unhappy about this as my schedule is great and they don't have any input into what I do at all. In fact, I'm sure they don't give a stuff about my classes. Hahaha...and nor do 80% of my students!
The litmus test for me this upcoming semester is whether or not I continue to give a stuff.
Never looked at Wechat. I'm told it's like Facebook. Never looked at that either.
Doesn't sound like I'm missing much though.
As to your dilemma, I would suggest you simply quit. When they ask you why, well...you'll know what to say.
you can turn off notifications for specific groups if you don't want to quit them. The second group however I'd just quit and not look back.
you can turn off notifications for specific groups if you don't want to quit them. The second group however I'd just quit and not look back.
Etiquette??? Confused!
Just quit.
If ppl get bothered by it, and ask why - tell them straight up. The work group - cos you don't want 1000 messages in Chinese every frikken hour. The expat group - cos it's just not your thing.
(yeah, speaking from personal experience on this subject)
It can be boring to be in the group.I create a group and then lots of people quit.Now I do not want to try to bring more people in.I have three stable people chatting with me.I feel happy with them ^^And seems like all of four like chatting with each other,its more like on line friends now.We never met each other.Two are Americans.
It can be boring to be in the group.I created a group and then lots of people quit.Now I do not want to try to bring more people in.I have three stable people chatting with me.I feel happy with them ^^And seems like all of four like chatting with each other,its more like on line friends now.We never met each other.Two are Americans.So my group is basically a group only for four of us chatting together sometimes.We talk just everything ,joke,work,women,men.,etc
This is the reason why i don't give out my contact information to people who want to be 'friends' after speaking to me for 3 minutes, or like you work messages that are all in Chinese.
If i want to hear random verbal diarrhea I go to a coffee shop with no headphones.
for work, email is sufficient - the last thing i want is a phone-call/text message/whatever at all times of the day or night.
Watch out for the 'hurt feelings' when you cut the groups off
Just quit and stop caring. I never give out my wechat. In my years of using it i only keep around 20 people on it. Half are my family back in Canada. People are deleted without warning. If people ask for it i just say no. I dont use it. Groups are not an issue i have only been in two. One for my friends. Half is in Chinese and the other half in English. The other group was for the same friends plus the wives. I deleted it within minutes. They didnt mention it. One friend just sent me a.message saying he knew i would.My friends understood. So i never had ur problem but i guess it is an issue for people. My wife was in the group as well. Worried it would look bad. They werent her friends just mine and they talk nothing but bullshit. She eventually just deleted it and no one said anything to her.
I am already well situated in the well meaning asshole group so these little slights barely draw attention anymore.
Good advice, thank you all.
I have quit every annoying group and told two foreigners to "go fuck yourself" when they didn't like the fact that I found their lame juvenile toilet humour group misogynist and pathetic.
I feel better now.
I use a phone with two sim cards - one for family and friends and one for biz. I have reduced my we chat contacts to a bare minimum (55) and when new people ask me for my we chat info, I just say "If it is really important just text or call me, and if its not important, drop me an email." If they don't like that response - tough shit.
Chinese people act so insulted when you say "no" to them about anything. They'll get over it.
I just check my phone to see I had been invited to a wechat group. One of my wives friends started it and I know everyone in the group. I had 18 messages all in Chinese.
Nah, delete and exit.
If anyone asks why, I just say I bought a Chinese phone and the battery is not so good, So I try to keep my phone for essential messages only to conserve power.
How can anyone criticize that logic?
