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Q: What are the Top 100 best reasons why Hulk should not help his in-laws migrate to US?
Hulk is asking how to get his wifes parents to the US, which is not really a China topic as such. But it leads to this question which is. Why even do it? I personally think this is something the big green dude is doing for his wife, rather than something that is actually going to provide benefits for anyone involved. The traditions aroung filial piety means that Mrs. Hulk will default to wanting her parents near. However. Chinese in-laws.... it will mean Hulk and family will suffer 1) Endless need for re-training his wife, each time some old wives tale/superstition/crap is applied to the household thanks to the in-laws. This will include spending time with Mr Google on topics such as "Is boiling pacifiers safe, after all, plastic and hot water don't mix", "It is best for baby to be as passive as possible, and just stare into the ceiling", "Must add milk formula as there is no way their daugther has enough milk", "Hey look, the kid sneezed, lets put some leeches on his/her butt-cheeks" 2) Drop in food quality. I know that Mr. Hulk says that MIL is a good cook, and be that as it may, it is a fact that a McDonalds meal is a varied diet, many Chinese dishes are not. Despite the increase in taste and flavor, in a family with infants, it is a problem that MIL washes greens in 'that clever contraption in the bathroom, that has a rinse-button' and there is a significant drop in kitchen hygiene. 3) Mrs. Hulk, will be happy at first, that is about 45 minutes. Then reality sets in and the MIL starts being bossy as no one has ever been bossy before. 4) The hulkettes will be subject to parenting methods from 50 years ago. Let's all talk like a baby, so baby never learns to talk properly 5) Hulk will, undoubtedly, walk in on the MIL in the shower, the upside to this is that he will never be able to have sex again, so his days of working to overpopulate the planet are over. 6) Hulk will, undoubtedly, walk in on the FIL in the shower, oddly this will turn into a fun family anecdote, but one that is only told when people have had a cup of horrible baijou. 7) Hulk will be alienated from his offspring. Each time he tries a coochi-coo, MIL will interupt with her dark age mentality as it is in no place for a man to take care of a child, let alone a man who is not a grandfather. 8) Hulk will spend at minimum one night in a federal prison after it is suspected that he is plotting a chemical terrorist attack. This is based on a hint from neighbours who couldn't quite figure out what the smell of durian was 9) Neighborhood kids will egg and tp Hulks house after MIL and FIL butts head with the American tradition of Halloween. Trick and/or treaters are rewarded for their funny Batman costumes with a piece of delicious Hunan style pickled ginger.
9 years 40 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
Reason number one:
The prisons are already full.
Hulk is not exactly famous for his anger management skills. His in-laws will get him angry.... and the American cops won't like him when he is angry
.
LOL.
Actually, we just have each other right now... no friends or family here. And my wife doesn't want them living in the same house as us, neither do I. We want to put them in an apartment or something.
The bastard-in-law (her brother) is never coming here: I will oppose it at every turn, and I will malign him to USCIS. He is an evil parasite, a triad member, and I will never forgive him in this life for trying to force my wife to have an abortion because I wouldn't give him money so he could get married. The wife knows this, and knows that her brother won't even be able to come visit. She's okay with that. She doesn't like him very much to begin with.
Also, my wife never asked me to do this. I offered try, because I actually want mom-and-dad in-law to come here and be a part of their grandchildren's lives. I want them to learn my wife's dialect, so they'll be speaking 3 languages fluently.
We parent our children differently than the in-laws do, and they were pissed about it. Actually, both sets were pissed. But what we do works, and all four of them finally realized it. We aren't going to listen to anyone who doesn't know anything about anything. If they refuse to listen to me, visitation rights are over. My wife is also sick of most Chinese superstition.
Thanks for the concern folks, but something tells me we'll be alright with them here. 
Spiderboenz:
No friends or family there? …So develop some friendships.
ambivalentmace:
the good news is the wait for the brother would be 16 years after his parents have an american passport to come here because he is already over 18 and if he is married add another 7 years. you can bring adult siblings but the others on the list with high priority make the wait so long, many die waiting to get legal.
the dirty secret in america is they only let a million people in every year, and the list is years out, so if amnesty passes these people will be on a list for a whole generation, uscis does not have the capacity to document all these people and the congress is not going hire anymore staff., but the law will allow them to vote and live off taxpayers while they wait for paradise, i mean green card for the ones already here. he could learn spanish and come on a bus disguised as a guatamalan orphan and get a 4 star hotel room and a free flight to your house.
the wife has to have permanent residency first and all the paperwork is through her, hulk cant do anything for them except the affadavit of support, show the money honey, if his wife waits till she gets an american passport, she can have them there in about a year, less if he lives in an area that has few immigrants because the waiting list will be shorter.
they may be able to visit if they have travelled to other countries before to see the grandkids but again, show the money honey,
the in laws will definitely hating trying to get a green card and not being able to leave the us for 2 years for spring festival without another form and approval and again show the money honey,
ive done this twice, never again, next time im immigrating to canada, no more american immigration gestapo for me.
Reason number 1296: aparently Hulk has a short memory and forgets the millions of posts of her horrible, greedy, crazy dick parents. Hiding hukous demanding money and a million other things.
I guess time really does make the heart grow fonder.
Hulk:
No, I remember. They stopped all that crap once the Bastard-In-Law got out of the way. He kept pressuring them to do it.
a chief at a nevada reserve (or any old reserve) can deal with the federal government in ways that any old Hulk could not., it seems..... when in doubt... .. I know a guy ... couple of guys... that have no borders in North America ..... legally ... family is family .....should be together
49th parallel means nothing to me ...I ain't white
so if we can go back 500 years .... 1492, Columbus sailed the blue ..... can we go back a little more and understand that my great great great.etc. etc... Grampa was from the same town I am in now in asia/china..
in 0046 my babe had already bread 6, in 0052 my belief came true.......found a way to leave my wife and all my dreams came through. The Bering Strait truly is a great debate,. for me it is a , lost estate
I found a new life and I spread my sperm.... the bitch is gone and the strait is open
buddha bless the bering strait
Hulk will need a bigger house for when MIL begins hoarding all the 'good shit' she finds on the street.
Scandinavian:
yeah, I actually had 10) surprise visit from the producers of "Hoarders" (TV show)
The children can keep in contact with their grandparents just fine via modern communication. They won't be deprived by not having their grandparents living locally.
When they're able, they can travel to China to spend time.
Hulk, your life with your family is a really precious thing and I don't think you should compromise that by having Chinese in laws poking their noses into it.
Do what PhilBravery does....go visit them from time to time. Don't give them any chance of taking over your lives as a family.
Send them regular photos and encourage them to holiday in Yunnan.
hunny797:
I don't know about the West, but as compared to my own country an Asian one, I think it is not just Chinese in laws...
Even my in laws.... Non Chinese..
I won't let my kid stay near them even for a second...
royceH:
That's unfortunate but, matey, they're your kids and you've gotta do what's best for them.
Interfering in laws can make life a misery. If you've gotta keep them away, sobeit!
Reason 97:
When your kids will grow up they re gonna fight you..
"Dad! How on Earth could you ever let them stay with us........"
reason number 1
you will have to boil water for drinking for every visit by the grandparents.
reason number 2
since chinese dont have original birth certificates, you will have to call and deal with your local immigration laison for your senator or congressman to find what document will be accepted for the birth certificate for your wifes parents, my congressman sent me letters and called for political donations like crazy after this bullshit. hope he dies soon.
reason number 3
the mother in law will complain constantly about how quiet it is and how scary to have no people around all the time
reason number 4
if the father in law smokes your could go bankrupt and rolling his own cigarettes worked for a while until they raised the price of buying raw tobacco higher to please the cigarette lobbyists.
reason number 5
it will take about 3 months to get them to stop taking all the toilet paper at public restrooms and realize its actually provided free everywhere, they want believe you until they have no place to store anymore paper. all the bedroom drawers are full.
reason number 6
if the father in law likes his liquor, he may not understand why he cant drink from the bottle and wave at everybody from the front porch of the house and walk down the middle of the street to get another bottle, this was very embarrassing.
i could go on but i try to forget my past wives and nightmares, glad to know im not alone in this experience.
Scandinavian:
hey #6 is BS, if there is a front porch, angry waving from it must be done, liquored up or ot matters less.
Hulk:
lmfaoooooooooooooooooooo............ oh man.
Reason Number 1: My wife got used to cold water after a couple months. She realized it's superior, and that the hot water fad was wrong. Still, sometimes she likes to have some warm/hot water, but I think it's been over a year since she's cared about it.
Reason Number 2: They fixed this. My wife does not have a birth certificate, but she's still here in the U.S.
Reason Number 3: That might be true. But at least she'll have something to talk about. I'm more worried about her being lonely/etc.
Reason Number 4: We'd buy him the cheap stuff, and we make more than enough money anyway. I'll basically provide food and shelter, and give them a monthly stipend. If they run out of money, it's their own fault. They're very frugal, though.
Reason Number 5: They never do that, even in China.
Reason Number 6: He LOVES alcohol, but not usually to the point of drunkenness. He's not a violent drunk though... yet. But yeah, he only drinks while eating, and never in public unless it's allowed. He's pretty good with that.
Reason #1337: I forgot how she constantly criticizes my wife, blames her, and makes her sit there feeling useless while crying all the time.
So, while we can bring them to the U.S., they sure as hell aren't gonna be living with us, except during visitation. During visitation, I won't allow them out of my sight, and I'll tell them to quit pestering my wife.
Reason 1457: Hulks car will suffer endless small dents. This despite the fact that the MIL & DIL do not use the car, and Hulk even tries to paint it a florescent green to make it super strong, it still has tons of dents like it had been on a driving range (golf) It turns out that MIL frequently bumps into it, when she applies Chinese driving skills to a shopping trolly she uses to hoard the hood. Te efforts to put the PILs in a seperate apartment only kept the hoarding at bay until said apartment was filled.
Reason 1458: Things in Hulks life gets repurposed. Worst when the tank for Hulks beloved turtles gets repurposed into a foot bath. Hulk had spent a lot of time, while in China, to do video skyping with the turtles, Laurel & Hardy, who hes had since a little green baby. The tank is also on occasion used to cook turtle-soup.
Reason 1459: Hulk will have too much help. E.g. as he tries to make baby Hulk #3, MIL will come running in with a freshly washed apple and say "This time of day is the best time to eat apples"
Hulk:
#1459 had me thinking she'd join in with us. Actually, that wouldn't be half bad.
Reason #1460: She's currently yelling at my wife on QQ for getting pregnant again, saying it's "too early," and she's got a face full of rage. "No, no, no!!!" 
EDIT: Fresh drama updates: my wife just hung up on the mother-in-law, unable to stand her shit. lol, I'm starting to think there aren't too many good ideas in helping them immigrate to the U.S. At the most, we can just... bring them to visit. We thought she would be happy about it... NOPE.
Scandinavian:
I'll start preparing a fun way of saying "I told you so"
Visits are good, and maybe after several, the concept of moving there could be put back on the table.
If ever we move back, I would want our house to have a comfortable guest area for my MIL, so she can be there for longer stays without too much drama. I guess I just need to put the lawnmower at the neighbors while the MIL is in town.
Reason #1461: No topic is too small to be discussed. The most remarkable discussion between wife and MIL. Whether or not my wife should learn the numbers for TV channels so she wouldn't wear out the remotes Next Channel button. During this, I honestly thought they were discussing something important like where to bury the MIL when she is gone.
Scandinavian:
I should add, my MIL just called this morning to say she will fly back home (from some visit to a friend in the north) today. Here I had counted on her being away for another week. Anyway, in that conversation she managed to squeeze in that she thinks I feed our dog too much water. This is really an extraordinary level of meddling in what the hell is going on. One thing is the topic itself, but bringing it up in a phone conversation....Anyway. I told the dog that word on the street is that he has a drinking problem.
Next time I am away from home, I shall call my wife and tell her I think the MILs food is too salty and she should f'ing stop feeding my dog that garbage so he has to drink crazy amounts of water.
derek:
Yup, I am constantly under whelmed when I ask, "What are you guys talking about"?
Reason #1462: Nothing is too undramatic to not get an "哎喲"
You. <Sneeze>
MIL: "哎喲"
You "Look, CNN reports there is a nuclear missile headed for our town"
MIL: "哎喲"
You "We are out of rice"
MIL: "哎喲"
You: "We are out of beer"
MIL: "You stupid foreigner"
You: "A bird just flew past"
MIL: "哎喲"
Reason #1462. You will have a discussion as to if you were irresponsible when you put a bottle of 50% alcohol in the freezer. Freezing a bottle made of glass, it will break. I thought for a second to go for the "but Western glass battlees is different !!!" defense, but when for a more scientific explanation.
(Yeah. Hanging with the MIL today)
