You don't already know the two words every man should know in order not to be in the doghouse? "Yes Dear." 

Since women argue emotionally and not logically, it makes the most sense just to "sniff out" what' feelings are at the heart of the argument and pacify them.

The above does not apply to Sorrel or any other female member of these forums out of respect for them (and fear that they'll castrate me using witchcraft).

Try elong.com.

... and what Sinobear said. Seriously, he's obv been there.

In my humble opinion, the biggest obstacle to happy matrimony in China is the lack of pubs.

I have a theory. Here it is:

In the west we have pubs. We go to the pub, as do many others. All sorts of people go to the pub. Racists, socialists, dog lovers, republicans and even the occasional democrat. Because of this, and because of beer being a good verbal lubricant, we are exposed to many different ideas and opinions. We debate, we discuss, we fall out then make up. We have fun and we learn from it. 

They don't have that culture here.  The hundred flowers campaign put a stop to that nonsense.

But I am lucky with where we live. We have a tiny little western bar very close.

So if me and the wife have a fight.... I piss off to the pub. What does she do?.... She goes with me .

Best way to solve a cultural argument..... "Git yer shoos oon. Wure gaing fir a swallay"

Translation.. " Put your shoes on. We will go to the pub"

Im super lucky. My wife is cantonese so her and her family generally hate all things chinese. Not alot of national pride. So im free to rant. Although i try to make it clear that im not including cantonese in that rant which is 99% true.

I get pissed at my friends alot. Too mich playing the victim and it really makes me crazy because one of the reasons im close to them is because they arent stupid. Had a pretty testy conversation today. He kept posting vietnam crap.

Me: how do you block peoples "moments" on wechat.

Jake: gives word for word instructions.

Me: Thanks! Your now blocked.

Jake: why? Fuck.

Me: because my wechat isnt a chinese news room to hear you act like a bitch. Oh and talk about fucking apple. Grow a damn brain. Stop following others and think for yourself.

Jake: mike. The reason i posted those pictures is because i was in charge of building that factory and its sad to see it destroyed.

Me: .......silence..... No more fucking iphone talk!

I've only dated one nationalist, and her family poisoned me.

My recommendation is to... tread carefully.

About the wife being slightly delusional on how things roll here... Yup, it happens. My wife can think rationally, she can put the emotions on the backseat. But when it's about the nation, she often hits a blind spot.

The nation is always a poor victim, never an aggressor, the rest of the world is mean to the nation. The society is not broken, most people are just fine, just innocent kids with pure hearts and simple minds. The nation is helping those poor kids in Africa without any interests, and if there are interests, it's much less worse than others. The harmony of the nation is above everything else, and to object to this, you have to be an evil agent of discord. And so on. If I provide some links, it's biased, written by people mean to the nation.

What do I do... I bring the topic small bites by small bites. I use angles where, for her, rationality matters more than the feelings. Education, healthcare, the plight of the average man, corruption. We went abroad, and she saw that things can be very different, and no it's about not being richer. It's about the nation looking itself as how it want to be, rather than how it is. She works with foreigners now, and it definitely makes a difference. Ultimately, we will hopefully move abroad in a few months, and she will get a different perspective.

Her family took a major butthurt over property from their dear government (and when I say major, I mean unbelievable shit on a national scale). Ever since that, I'm the one doing the mass on what is and what is not the PRC.

But honestly mandarin/cantonese helps a LOT in the matter of defusing the bullshit, cause it makes one understand it in the first place, and the "foreigner doesn't get it" rationalization (one of many things coming directly from their reptilian brain) doesn't apply.

Step one to unbrainwashing people is to plant seeds in their hearts. 

Give her unfettered access to the internet, and when you read about things banned by the Chinese media, share them with her.  Let her look at the pictures, watch the videos, and read things which have been banned since time immemorial. This is what the CCP fears the most -- a populace well aware of their chicanery. Over time, she will realize the truth.

There's no reason to go headlong into an argument stating "China sucks!", "The CCP blows!", or other things that will shut her heart and mind to the truth. Be patient, and be kind, and she'll realize it. This is how I turned my wife around. She used to be utterly nationalistic and didn't know any of the evils perpetrated by her government, and she was fiercely anti-Japan.

Now she's totally different. Just be patient.

I made sure mine wasn't a crazy brain washed nationalist before I got seriously involved. 

I usually keep my mouth closed unless the criticism of Chinese or Chinese people is really deserved. South China Sea spats, worship of money, etc. I also am pretty open towards the criticism of my own country so there's usually no problem. She does get defensive from time to time but that's a habit most Chinese share.

I am not sure moving an oil rig justifies Chinese nationals being in jeopardy. It is a total arse move of China, but still should not cause harm to people. Vietnam should know better, after all, it has something China wants, cheap labor. 

Anyway. Any comment against China will spur these things. Either use it to whip up some good make up sex, or just never talk about the country you live in.